A
female
age
41-50,
*londebomb2
writes: Thanks for your advice.For the last 2 yrs I met a woman. For the past two years she has seen like part of my family. Roughly once a month to more we talked. However, even though it was part of her position I felt she stayed longer and at times was here for 3-4 hours. My son throughout this time told me he thought she liked me. He caught her checking me out and stuff. ( I thought he was just being a teen!) Well on one of her visits while my fiancee was in a different room she came on too me ( she got really close and we almost kissed) We would have if my son did not walk in on us, and she basically made a fast departure. Over the next few visits the attraction grew but I never acted on it on the physical sense. I got the impression she wanted me to make that 1st move. Now, so you are aware I have never been with a female and my fiancee is aware that I have been wanting to experiment. I have been waiting for one I felt comfortable with and one cares for me. I felt she was both.Now because the problem that brought her into our life has past however there is a bigger event that is soon to happen that she will be called in for.With knowing that, I could not get past with the possibility that someone would find out about her and I and it would ruin her career and hurt our case. So I basically told her I cared for her and told her I wanted her but I couldn't take the chance that someone could find out and use it against her and I. I could not due that to her and I basically said what would she think of me if I didn't care to think of those things. She said "I am not going anywhere".Because she went above and beyond my family bought a bracelet for her. I gave a card and I wrote it as a care for you type deal and she got really teary eyed when reading it. So I knew she got it. During this time repeatedly she kept saying keep in contact with me, I mean it keep in contact with me! She must have said it 30 times..I found out that she is in Grad School and still works like 25/30 hrs a week. So I know she is busy. The thing is I miss her like crazy...Two months ago I emailed her, I never got a response. I called and left a voicemail telling her I was thinking of her, got no response.. I think I hurt her but I don't know if she is ignoring me because she likes me and she hurt or she needs space or she moved on or is playing a game type deal. I guess I don't know if I should pursue her or let her go?I am not experienced in this area to know. However, at times my chest feels heavy and all of a sudden I think of her out of the blue.. I wonder is she thinking of me type deal. Because I have never experienced this. Thanks for your advice.
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female
reader, Mayah Playah  +, writes (28 March 2016):
 Everyone's heard the old saying, "if you love something, you'll let it go". What they forget is how to actually do this. As human beings, we're programmed to cling tight to the things that we love and want, and to me, this sounds an awful lot like desire. You said you've always wanted to experiment, you've never been with another woman, so this experience is new and exciting, it's naughty and enticing. That's alright. You can feel that way. However, you have a fiance. First and foremost, you have to talk to him. Do right by him, let him know what you're feeling. If he loves you, he'll understand that you feel a desire you can't control.Now, this woman is ignoring you. It's possible that you hurt her feelings and she's choosing to make you suffer for hurting her, but it's also possible that she realized that she was pursuing a taken, seemingly straight woman and decided to move on. As a bisexual woman myself, this is something I have often come into contact with. There's nothing worse than realizing that the person you're attracted to is responding in kind because you're a novelty. At any rate, there's no way to tell what she's thinking right now. Give it time, let her come to you. If she doesn't return, then move on. You can't force someone to want you, life doesn't work that way.
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