A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently started a relationship with a guy, we've been going out for a month which although isn't long, I feel that I'm falling for him. He's so lovely, he works hard and really has ambition, he even makes an effort with my two children. He literally couldn't be anymore suitable for me. The problem is ny relationship before this one although a long time ago was emotionally and physically abusive and every time my current boyfriend says nice things I over analyze everything he'll says lie there's a hidden meaning for him to say I look nice etc. It's driving me insane and I feel ill end up pushing him away it doesn't help that his family don't want him to be with me because I have two children with different dads and although that's not the ideal situation I dont regret my choices and my boyfriend says he likes that I have children. I just worry so much that it will all go wrong either on my side or outside influence?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 October 2014):
 It depends from what you mean by " wrong ".
I think you should strive for a balance between being optimistic and being realistic. AS difficult as this is.
Meaning, try to enjoy the moment , and see how things evolve. You barely know this guy ( one month ! ) and you are already falling for him. Pull the brakes a bit.
You don't have to be paranoid- if he says you look nice, ... what should the hidden meaning be ? He thinks you look nice; if he thought you look ugly... he would not even bother dating you !
On the other hand, I'll be a real bitch and come out and say it- I am sure that your kids are your pride and your joy , and you do not regret anything because there's nothing to regret , you don't regret your own flesh and blood. Realistically speaking,though, not all guys ( not many, indeed ) will be gung-ho about joining a ready made family. One thing is saying " I love kids " or " I like that you have kids ", and all another is " I'll stick around and I'll be these kids's stepdad " . Not that it can't happen, it can if it is true love- but how can he even KNOW , at one month of dating, what is it ? ?
So for the time being, play it by ear. Don't be paranoid or negative, but also don't count your chickens before you have hatched. You are still in the " we are just getting to know each other " phase.
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