A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts:My girlfriend and i have been together for 5 months. I love to have bj's from her and it turns me so much on when i finish in her mouth,i remain hard and makes me want to f*** her hard right away.We love each other very much, She says she likes to give me head, but im not that sure about it...Every time she does it she has a strong gag reflex and makes me feel like she is doing it like a sacrifice just to keep me happy and that turns me off. when she starts doing it i notice this thick mix of her saliva with my fluids --not cum-- coming from her lips everytime she takes it off her mouth and starts again. It looks gross, like in a porno movie. I have never had this situation on any other girl before, I have a feeling she is not really enjoying it, but i cant be sure, because i had asked her many times and she says she is ok, that she likes the way i taste, but i suspect she is only doing it because she loves me, and i dont want her to do anything she doesnt like. Im her third boyfriend and she has very limited sex experience, she is 21 and she had sex for the first time with her last boyfriend. and im way older than her. Im not sure about how to react or what to do, I really enjoy when she goes down, thinking about it turns me so much on, and she says she likes to do it, but when i look at her i can see she doesnt enjoy it that much, what to do??? should i belive her or should i just stop asking her to go down?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): I agree with posters who say we do it for men to please them, not because we like it so much.
The fact that she has so much saliva tells me that she is close to throwing up, sorry, but that's what happens when you become notious and want to puke, plus gaging it all adds up.
If it looks gross to you, why not stop it, why continue having her do it over and over again. May be you can come to it later, may be not at all.some women like some men just don't like doing it. Like some women would never have anal sex, so their lovers don't do it to them.
I love when men go down on me, more than intercourse by much. If I had a choice I should just have that:). But I had lovers who just wouldn't do it. They requested me giving them blow jobs, but then would never do it for me. I just lived with it, if he doesn't like doing, there is not much I could do.
But to go back to your question, I don't think she really enjoys it, at least for me it doesn't sound like it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 November 2012):
 As a woman who loves to give my guy BJs I can tell you that I gag sometimes and we get very very wet…. But it’s the way he likes it that makes it happen that way… I never had it this way with other partners.
OF course we give blow jobs because we love our guy…. I mean I’m not giving BJs to guys I don’t’ love…..
What’s wrong with her doing it because she loves you and wants to please you? I dress the way I do to please my husband… I am sexual with him the way he likes to please him because neither of them hurt me. Now when he gets carried away and has had a bit too much to drink and pushes my head down I stop. Because while I LOVE HIM, I do not like having my head pushed when giving a BJ…
And I gotta tell you… putting an erect penis in your mouth is NOT my preferred activity you will gag, and make a lot of saliva… but we do it because we love our men and we don’t mind doing it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): why do some women insist on talking for all women? We don’t need ambassadors... women are all different we don’t have a hive computer tech that connects our thoughts!!!yes cum doesn’t necessarily teats great, but i love going down on my boyfriend (when I have one)... pleasing my partner is part of the enjoyment, i like giving, and i know a lot of women do too. of course not all"""if you don’t like something I suggest you don’t do it… also vaginas with all that they go through aren’t the bests of areas to put in your mouth, but knowing that you girl gets turned on when you are down there gets a lot of men going… lets be adults about it shall we?...being completely frank, all women who get periods, know that when you are close to the date your vaginal fluids teats extra acid… but no once have I ever seen any guy I being with spitting out what comes out of there whiles looking at me like a dead fish, and honestly if I ever did I would go ballistic hide under my bed and cry… I just think is rude, so much complaining!! Again you don’t have to do it if you don’t like it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): I don't agree with someone saying that this disgusts us. It doesn't disgust me at all, I like giving head. Every girl is different though, if she says she likes it she probably does! I gag because my partner is quite bug and I dont like it when he forces it down my throat or pushes in to me. So dont get too carried away when she's doing it! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): I don't uunderstand what is there to like? Especially if a guy has precum then it becomes real gross. It doesn't turn us on, why would it?
We do it only to pleasure a partner. And all this fascination with cumin into mouth is just gross for us. It's really disgusting for most women.you guys don't think that it terribly pleasant for us, not at all.
It has nothing to do with laziness, if we don't want to do it, it has to do with us being disgusted with the whole process. You always talk about femLe smell, let me tell you, I once dated a guy, and he just LOVED blow jobs. Doesn't matter how much he washed his penis, it had a peculiar smell to it, to the point that one day I told him that. It was just unbearable for me to give him blow jobs.
I m very certain if a woman didn't want to please her guy she would never do it. It doesn't turn anyone on, we do it only to please a man.
Your girlfriend obviously displayed signs of great discomfort. Do you think she likes all this liquid in her mouth? Or gaging , who likes to gag?
I think you should stop letting her do it, and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): Ok if you are troubled by the thought of her not enjoying it, and if you strongly suspect she doesn't, then why do you continue to ask her to do it??
Simply stop asking her for it and see if she initiates it on her own. And if she does, suggest something else and see if she looks relieved.
Has she ever initiated it on her own? If not but always complies when you ask, then I think its safe to say she doesn't enjoy it and is only doing it as a sacrifice to please you.
She may have been conditioned by her past relationships that all guys expect this which is why she does it. Make her feel free to choose not to and then see what she decides.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): I totally understand your concern. She says that she enjoys oral sex, but the way she behaves makes you doubt about how sincere she is when she says that.It could be because she feels that its something she just has to do to make her boyfriend happy, regardless of how she feels about it. Liking blowjobs is part of most guys' "perfect girlfriend" package for obvious reasons, so a lot of girls think that they absolutely have to enjoy giving them, or they'll be some sort of failure. Pressure is often what leads girls into pretending they like/dislike things. This is especially true with girls that don't have a lot of sexual experience since they often don't realize that they have a role to play in defining their sex life.However, it is entirely possible that she does not care for the act in itself because of the discomfort but rather enjoys giving pleasure to you. It can be very hot for someone giving a blowjob just to see how the person is reacting, so indeed, maybe it's the gag reflex and all that jazz. A good trick for that is to breathe in through your nostrils while deep throating, it calms the gag reflex. As for the thick fluid mix, if you're uncircumzised, you may want to be more careful with cleaning your smegma, but hey, I really don't have enough info about you to go further down that road!My advice: first, you need to have a talk with her. Yes. No avoiding it, especially since she's not very experienced and you're concerned about her telling the truth when you ask more casually. Ask her if she feels pressured, if she feels giving you blowjobs is something she's obligated to do. If she says yes, explain that she doesn't have to. If she answers that it's just discomfort really, well, just discuss ways to make her more comfortable and to solve the more physical part of the issue. Or maybe she'll tell you everything is fine, in which case you should believe her if you are being serious enough during that conversation. In any case, it may be a good thing to stop asking for oral sex. She'll naturally go down on you when it suits her fancy, and if she feels like she has the power to decide, she might like it way more and feel more free to explore ways to do it that she really enjoys.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): Here's the thing OP. I love giving head to my boyfriend, but that is because it turns him on so much - not because it's my favourite thing ever to do. I suspect a lot of women are the same. I don't know any girls who think a guy tastes that good down there (not bad either mind you, but it's no trip to the ice cream factory is it?!). But we do it because our partners love it, and giving pleasure to someone you love is 100% enjoyable. So the chances are she is enjoying it because YOU are. The fact she is willing to do it for you, particularly since she seems to have a sensitive gag reflex which puts many women off, is all you need to worry about I think. I also definitely agree that you should never tell her about the women before her - that will destroy her confidence and that's the last thing you want if she is inexperienced.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Hmmm sounds like when I do it. I enjoy it but still gag and can't swallow. I normally have alot of saliva so its sloppy like you mentioned. It took me about 15 years of being sexually active before I started liking it. My first two bf I refused to do it all. I'd say don't force it and let her control it. Maybe she'd rather just do it for a minute til your hard instead of all the way. Be happy she's doing it and return the favor!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): There's no issue here OP except that she's inexperienced and either not doing it right or you're being a bit of an idiot and thrusting your hips.
Just tell her she doesn't need to put it that far in for it to feel good or stop thrusting your hips.
OP even if she doesn't like giving them then she likes giving them because of how they make you feel. That's not a bad thing.
Just show her how to do it with the minimum of effort and discomfort OP unless she actually likes the whole gagging thing which some women do but not many.
As far as asking her to stop, there's not need, she doesn't have to like it to do it for you. We don't love every single thing we do for our partners OP but we do it for them. I don't like giving rim jobs but I completely tolerate it because my girlfriend loves them and I love how they make her feel. I don't get up out of my cosy chair in front of the TV to kill that spider in the bathroom because it's so awesome, I do it because they freak her out and to stop her screaming.
You having them, she's willing to give them, other than issue of comfort there is no issue here.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Just because she does it differently doesn't mean it's an indication that she doesn't like it. I think I'd be very hurt if my boyfriend tried to convince me I didn't like going down on him because of something I do differently from other girls... Or worse, calls it gross.
Suggest she doesn't take you in so deep, no need for her to gag, you'll still get your pleasure if she just focuses her lips on your penis head while using her hands on your shaft.
Don't compare her performance to other girls. If she says she enjoys it believe her. Or try to have a deep and honest conversation with her about it, and then tell her you worry about it because she looks as she might not enjoy it, and you need to be sure. Otherwise you will not enjoy it.
And yeah, don't ASK for it. I mean, if she doesn't go down her on her own initiative, ever, then that's the thing that will tell you whether she actually likes this or not. If she never goes down on you on her own initiative then.. sorry, guess she just lied to you. But you got to give it at least a couple of months before you can say for certain, it might be she enjoys it, but maybe enjoys it less often than per your request.
If she can't be honest with you then that's a bigger worry than whther or not she actually enjoys giving you head or not.
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A
female
reader, peteloevely  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Sounds like she is doing the famous deep throat, that is when it goes to far in and it triggers your gaging reflects, it also makes this mucus like flame come out and project everywhere!!! is disgusting really... plus there is no way you can look pretty doing that, nor can you look like you are enjoying yourself! your eyes get teary and you keep gagging and waiting to throw up. Sounds to me like that is exactly what she is doing.
you can tell her if you don’t enjoy it, there is some people that can only come from it!... but you can always tell her she can try something else, as it sounds like it does distress you seeing her like this. but if she likes it then… it is for you guys to talk it over, and negotiate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Depends if you care about her or not - which it sounds like you do, since you're here asking.
Head is awesome. Every guy knows it. But if you're woman TRULY does not like it (some girls say they don't, only because they are lazy and selfish, and want to make you feel bad for asking) then don't ask her for it.
Or, limit the number of times and duration that it happens. Hell, ask if she's okay with you just having sex and then finishing in her mouth if you're so gung ho about finishing in her mouth.
Bottom line, if you care for her, and she doesn't really enjoy doing it, then be a man and sacrifice.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 If you suspect she's doing it only because she loves you, try not asking for it for a while and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Ask her and see what she says. She may enjoy it, but not the gag reflex.. If so, just tell her not to go down so deep; win win situation there!
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