A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,My partner and I are young parents (I was 16 and he was 17 when our son was born) and we hae been together two years. We are now 17 and 18. I love him so much and our relationship has grown so much since our son has been born, but it has also changed as expected. While our baby wasn't planned he has still stuck around and is an amazing father.Our son is 3 monts old now and I just feel now that his priorities have changed. I have never expected nor told him that he has to stay around. But just lately I have felt that he has been putting everything before us, his xbox, parting and hanging out with friends. I like him to keep is phone on him so I can contact him if needed, but he says I am being overbearing. I understand he is still a teenager and needs to have time for himself but I also believe if this is the path he has chosen he needs to step up and take care of his responsibilities. He doesn't have a job and isn't really trying very ard to look for one. I want to work this out but I don't know how to explain my feelings to him. How can I explain it to him and also, what are some ways we can bring the fun back into our relationship. I really want to be with him. Thanks heaps! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): Thank you so much for your answers! To answer some of your questions:
At the moment I am living with my parents, I have a self contained sleepout so I am happy here, and my parents want to support me as I am so young. They are the ones that are supporting my finacially, as I am doing school by correspondence and they would rather I was futhering my education then have to work long hours while my son is still young. I agree with them and I sooo greatful for what they do, they are so amazingly supportive.
My partner is a great father but basically yes I am just a single parent with the bonus that my baby gets a daddy. I dont get any support from him finacially. He does not live with me, my parents wont let him move in until he has a job as they cannot afford to support me and the baby, plus my brother and sister and him as well. So he needs to pay board when he moves in. I talk to him everyday about getting a job or going to uni but it doesn't seem to get through to him, he says I am pressuring him, and I have tried every different approach. Motivation, helping him eg. going to places with him to get application forms, trying to force him to, but nothing seems to work. I get along really well with his dad but his mum babies him ALOT, and I don't think I could get any support from her in the work front. He listens to his older brother so maybe my next plan of attack could be to get him to talk to him. His brother had his first baby when he was 18 so he knows what its like.
I can't see him leaving me as he is too scared I will take the baby away, which I would never do (it would never be fair on my son) so I'm not sure where he got that idea from. But I am thinking of going back to work as soon as baby gets onto solids as I am still breastfeeding him. Even if its only part time, I agree with ShamikaT18 that this may make him want to step up and get a job, or atleast do SOMETHING.
Any other questions just ask (: Thank you so much!
A
female
reader, ShamikaT18  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 I am in the same boat with you. My boyfriend and I have a 3 month old daughter. I'm 18 and he's 20. At first he wanted to change her diaper, give her baths, and spend time with her the first few weeks, but then he started veering off back into his original patterns. He plays video games more then spending time with his daughter, he doesn't have a job and doesn't want to look for one because were "supposedly" moving to Texas where it's cheaper and you can find more jobs. He goes out with his friends from time to time, doesn't help me give our daughter baths, makes excuses so he wont have to change her diaper and when he does come downstairs from his "lair" he'll hold her for a few seconds then go back upstairs to his "domain" (We live in his parents house so I'm not allowed to be in his room)I have brought this to his attention every single day. He hardly spends time with me if ever. I would probably tell you to just keep bugging him about it, that's what I do and he gives in at times to help me with her. I'm also thinking about getting a job soon so he can see me bringing in the cash and want to step up and be a man for a change. I know this doesn't give you a specific answer but I hope it helps. Your not alone lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): You are both so young and to have a baby means you have to grow up faster than you would normally. Have you had the conversation about where you are going as a family. Are you basically a single parent with an add-on Dad. Your post does not say, but that's the way it seems. But the best way forward would be to do lots of things together, the three of you, to bond a family unit. Make sure he is involved as much as possible. It is hard to make someone committed if they are not bothered. This is where, as young as he is, he has to be made to at least realise that he is a Dad. Maybe his family can help there - don't be afraid of saying what you need from him. It seems he needs it spelling out.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Sure he's a teenager, but he also has to responsibilities, such as being a father and providing for his child. Got to grow up fast when you have a child that young.
Who supports you financially? Are you two living on your own? Do you have a job?
I would have a chat with him and let him know it's imperative that he actively starts looking for a job. Or he signs up for university and gets a part time job in the meantime. Even if he didn't have a son, he needs to start figuring out his future. Either way one of you if not both, need to step it up and look into a career that will provide for your little family. If you feel that he's going to bale on you, or you grow tire of him being lazy and tell him to split, then I suggest you start looking for a job. It doesn't seem like he's 100% reliable, so I would have a back up plan if all else fails.
As far as the fun goes, go out as a family. Take your kid to the park, push the baby on the baby swings, put him in the stroller for an afternoon walk, take him to the beach, or have your parents watch him so you two can have a date night every Friday.
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