A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I met my girlfriend before 1 year and 6 months and i love her so much, in the begining we used to see each other every two weeks. during the first year i am helping her financily all the time and she used to see me when i have to give her the money. now it is very hard to meet and her excuse is that her father is not allowing her to go out. even if i want to call her she is not answering the phone she is calling later after mid night. most of the time she is saying that her father is sick and she has to be with him all the time. i asked to meet her family she is not refusing but she is saying her father can not meet me now. even if we go out she is refusuing to spend the night with me cuse her father is not allowing her to sleep outside (by the way she is europian). in breif most of the time giving excuses whih make me doubt her and feeling she is laying to me. i want to know
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male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (3 December 2007):
Hi,As a follow on to my earlier answer. Perhaps in your next conversation with her turn the situation on its head. Ask her is there is anything bothering her about you or the situation? Is she afraid of anything? Has she been hurt before and now finds it difficult to trust?Obviously put it in your own words, but maybe she has some fears of her own and the way she is reacting to you is part of her self protection system.Whatever you do, be aware that when you stop talking it is either fixed or over.Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi to all,I would like to thank all who answered my question. I would like to answer Michel about the age of my girlfriend, she is 33 years old. Special thanks to Namatjira for his answer.I would like to add something may be it could help more. me and her talked about this issue and i clearly told her what i'm feeling, her answer was the same that she can not see me all the time and the same excuses about her father.I know her place and only one thing is stopping me to go and see waht is going one, that i'm still giving myself and she a chance not to reach this point. i'll try to stop the financing step and i'll be patient. Thanks again for all of you.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Stop giving this girl any money whatsoever right now. In my mind there is an excellant chance that she is using you for your money and doesnt really care about you at all. If she really does care about you, then stopping the gravy train will not change that. If she is only after your money than she will get very angry and that will be a huge clue. If her father really is sick and she needs to be with him, then a little patience is warrented. But that all may be an excuse. You need to find out the truth.
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A
female
reader, blissxixta  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Hi
Her excuses didnt give enough evident that she is lying...and moreso if she your her father as an excuse then u have to locate her place yrself to know what is goin on ...Relationship is about reaching agreement ...see and heart to heart ...tell her how you feel about her recent habits and why is she doing it.....it is better you know what is going on in your relationship than allowing your mind to wandering about ...not too good for any healthy relationship....Have a nice metting with her.
Goodluck
bliss
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A
female
reader, michel  +, writes (29 November 2007):
How old is ur gf? Hope not teen. If so might be that father forbids her to see you but if enough mature she just want to be 1.Alone some time to figure out some things, She is not certain about 2.doesnt want to be with you anymore.
Thats my conclusion
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (29 November 2007):
Learn to be tolerant towards women.They rarely act according to our wishes.You 1st need to try and see things from her perspective and if they don't make sense then you can start being suspicious.In short be a bit more understanding and patient.I thought for a man your age such insecurities rarely exist.One thing you should never take for granted is her love and respect for her family especially parents.If she's really young,she's scared of disobeying her father.If she's independent,she wants to be affectionate towards her father and you just have to live with it.However,if you believe you have a real cause for suspicion,you can go to her place and find out but be prepared for her wrath afterwards.Take it easy and be a bit more patient but tell her you want to spend more time with her and that you are not happy with her never ending excuses.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, ryanblat$ +, writes (29 November 2007):
Simple ask her out straight.
RB.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (29 November 2007):
I think your suspicions have some grounds, however she could be genuine. Maybe she is also nervous about you meeting her family.
In any relationship communication is key. You should tell her you need to talk and be prepared to tell her how you feel, what you are afraid might be true, and of course your hope that your fears are needless. Then ask her to help you understand what the situation is.
Let her know that if she has some secret she has not told you, that now is the time to say. If she says that there are some things you do not know and she does not want to discuss it, then accept that and do not push. But you will have to decide for yourself if that is enough.
Stop giving her any financial help, perhaps saying that you have other commitments right now. And then see if her attitude to you changes. If it gets worse then your fears are confirmed and she is just in it for the money. On the other hand if she accepts it and still wants to be with you, then maybe things are okay after all.
Only you know her and yourself well enough to decide. But take time to think about it. Try and figure out if it is your fears that are affecting things or something about her excuses and reasons that makes you unsure. It can be easy to get these two confused.
Good luck anyway.
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