A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi peeps, I'm feelin' a bit down at the moment, namely because I'm on the edge of breaking up with my girlfriend, last saturday she said some things... reasons why we should break up, the day after I called my best friends to come over, I talked it over with them and according to them she is actually looking for reasons to break up with me, because the reasons she gave are pretty much bs( according to my friends).Okay so saturdaynight I went to a b-day party organised by some of my gf's friends, and afterwards she asked me why I had hardly spoken to anyone, I knew maybe 3-5 people at that party, I spoke to some longer then others, but she was mostly angry that I just stood there, I should point out I'm not really a social person around people I don't know, so I'm not going to go to a random person to start a conversation, she knows this yet she's angry at me for it.Another reason she gave is that I hardly text her, I work from 8-16h she's usually still asleep when I go to work, so I don't want to send a text that'll wake her. I always send one after work, but then she's angry because I always send the same thing(how was your day?)she mentioned she can always text during her internship, but the thing is I did not know that, I assumed that just like me she wasn't allowed to keep her mobile with her, yet she's still angry.I'd like your opinion on this. Does she have right to be angry, or are my friends right and is she really looking for reasons to break up with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): I think if she wanted to beak up with you, she would have done so. She is complaining that she doesn't hear from you enough and when she does...which is once a day...you always say the same thing. Translated to a woman, it means you don't care enough to make an effort. She felt the same at the party because you stood around and didnt talk much. When we have a man, we want to show him off. We want people to like him and tell us 'how well' we have done by catching him! If she takes you to a party and wants to show you off. And you just stand around like a chip and grunt at people. Then it just wont do. You have to smile, show an interest. Chat to people and make them feel you are interested in them. Engage their eyes and smile at them. Make as if you enjoy chatting to them. Pretty soon you will enjoy social interaction if you try it. They will feel a connection to you if you show interest and tell your girlfriend you are really nice. She will feel great that others like you and be even more attracted to you. Its all a game but one that you either play or don't. If you don't want to do it then stay at home and let her go enjoy being social on her own. The choice is yours but if you don't want to play, then you will end up with complaints. As has happened!
With texting. I always wake up to a text from my partner. It usually goes along the lines of calling me by a pet name and asking me if i slept well and such. I love waking up to that. It is certainly much nicer than hearing nothing all day. Imagine, all her friends are being sent messages from their boyfriends all day and she has to watch and wait for one text from you at the end of the day? Thats really not enough. So stop making excuses and start talking to her, whether its texting or calls in the day. You have to stir yourself and make more effort if you want to keep her interested. With respect, calling your friends to come over to you to discuss it wont have helped. You should have gotten off your bum and gone over to your girlfriend to discuss it with her. I think more effort is needed on your part Sunshine. You have to win her over and if you want her enough you will have to make a little more effort because she is telling you she feels you don't value her at all.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Well if all she has said is that you dont text her enough and you dont talk to enough strangers at parties, and that is why you should break up - then yes, she is making up silly excuses to get out of the relationship.
If she had just said to you - "you did this, this and this and the party and I am upset about it, in the future I want this, this and this to happen" then that would be fine. She has a right to be upset about these things if they are bothering her, but in any normal relationship these are just minor things that you work on and get through.
These are silly little issues that can easily be resolved, if she wants to work on the relationship with you. But if she is using these as reasons for why you should not be together - then she is, like your friends say, just looking for a way out of the relationship.
You need to talk to her, tell her you are willing to work on these 2 issues and promise you will get better. If she says "Ok great, thank you" then all is good. If she says "well I dont think we can overcome this" or "I just dont think it can work and you wont ever change" (or something like that) then she simply does not want to be with you anymore, so you might just have to accept it is over.
But first, offer to work on these issues and make some changes - if she still maintains you should break up then she just doesnt want to be with you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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