A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I am a reader and occasional writer of dearcupid and I just love this blog. I am here with an issue today. I apologize in advance for the length of it.I came to USA in Feb 2011. When I came here, my ex of 4 years from my home country dumped me for another guy. I got numb and dead inside as she was my 1st and probably the last love. I was in deep pain as I was the kind of guy every girl dreams to have (loving, devoted, passionate, caring, honest, sincere and admirer of her smile and beauty) and yet cannot dijest because they are more prone to fall for the jerks. However I knew I had to move on cause she made it clear she was never in love with me and to hide her guilt, she told everyone back there that I was a bad person and had people block me from facebook. However the people who knew me never blocked me.I got introduced to a girl who is my sister in law's friend. We started chatting on facebook and cell. She wasn't really attractive but really friendly towards me cause she judged me as a person and saw my heart ache. I also needed someone to lean onto but at the same time I knew that rebounds hurt both parties so I only wanted to casually date her. We had lunch twice and she sort of started to lead me on. She cancelled a lunch and a movie plan twice. Then she told me that she will have lunch but she never came back on that too. I judged that she was leading me on so I cut complete contact with her. She also never came back to ask how I was doing in life.About 2 weeks later, me and my sister in law went to the store she works in to buy some stuff. The intension was nowhere close to see her. She however came from behind and patted on my back really frankly. I just said hi and completely ignored her.On 31st December she wished me happy new year and I returned the same courtesy and she started chatting with me and she asked me why I have been ignoring her. I told her all the reasons that she gave me the signs of no interest and I found it suitable to move on. Since then she has been mad on texting and calls. In these 3 days, she has talked to me 5 times on calls and anormous texts. She has scheduled a treat for me for my bday that is the day after tomorrow.My brother and sister in law think that she wants to have some "fun" with me in terms of hang outs and sex also. But the reason for me being here is that I am a really honest guy. And I want advice from all the people here who are reading. I am a relationship guy and I love sex but only when it is with a "partner". I am concerned if she gets involved with me because she is not attractive. I like her personality but at the same time, I don't see her as a potential partner for a lot of reasons. I want to become someone settled in his IT career with a great job and a lot of success. No wonder I am startved for sex because I have been empty for almost a year now.I just want to know if she just wants "fun" and nothing serious. So here are my questions:1. Why did she come back when I never showed any change?2. Is she looking for "fun" with me?3. If I go for it, would I be a wrong and bad person?4. How can I know if this is just a temporary era of fantasy and fun bacause I want to be the last guy on earth who hurts the feelings of anyone and particulalry a girl without any reason?Thank you all for reading. Anxiously waiting for your replies.
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facebook, move on, my ex, sister in law, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 I can tell that you are a decent guy. This girl sounds to me like she has no self esteem and she will just grab a chance off being with a guy, do not let that be you, because you will feel bad in the long run. If you do not see this girl as a potential girlfriend well then let her go, because she has probably been through enough in her life to make her feel like sex is the best that she can get, if you cannot offer her more well then don't.
Yes it can be hard to move on, but go out with friends and meet girls who you actually feel can have a positive benefit on you, who you can feel could be girlfriend material.
A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 If she was just looking to have some "fun" with you, I doubt she'd go to the extent she has gone with the texts, and the surprises, and wishing you a Happy New Year, etc. I think it's safe to say she likes you and is probably interested in a relationship with you.
That being said, yes it would be wrong if you went for it knowing full well you're not attracted to her and wouldn't be interested in her longer than the time it took for you to get her into bed. You said yourself you're a relationship guy, so unless you meet a girl who makes it clear she's not looking for anything more than sex, I'd stay that way.
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