A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been going out with a girl for a few months now. Things are going really well and I really like her but she keeps sending me mixed messages when it comes to sex. We haven’t slept together yet, which is fine. I’m not desperate to jump into bed with her. I would like to, don’t get me wrong but I’m happy to wait until the time is right if that’s what she wants. But she keeps sending me messages that seem to me like she really wants to do it but then when we're together she’ll act like she never said anything. Like for example she sent me a selfie of herself in a new bikini, asking what I thought of it. I said she looked really good and it really suited her, to which she responded ‘You’ll have to help me take it off later xxx’. If that's not hinting then I don't know what is. We were due to meet up at hers that evening for a takeaway but when I got there she’d already changed out of it and made no mention of it at all. Other than a bit of kissing she didn’t try to initiate sex either, or seem like she wanted me to initiate it. Then another day when I was due to go to hers for dinner she text me saying ‘can’t wait for tea, I’m sooo hungry. And horny……xxx’ with a load of kissing emoji’s. But when I got there, again she acted like she hadn’t said anything like that and made no mention of it. Before you ask, I wasn’t running late so I doubt it was just a ploy to get me to hurry up. It just confused me more than anything else.She does talk about sex quite a lot and even let me know that she had condoms at hers and was going to look at going on the pill. But again, this was all said over text. She never talks about it in person or acts on it. Like I said I’d completely understand if she wasn’t ready to have sex with me, we have such a good time together already doing other stuff. We went to Blackpool recently and I had one of the best times of my life. I can remember walking along the beach hand in hand eating candy floss and just feeling so happy. Dare I say it; I think I’m falling in love. I just don’t get why she’d say these things in the first place and then act like nothing happened afterwards. I’ve made it clear to her that I’m interested in taking the next step as well. Is she just teasing me or playing overly hard to get? It could be that she just loses her nerve. But at the same time she’s such a bubbly, confident person and we’re both really comfortable in each other’s presence. We already talk about deep, personal stuff together. She talks to me about things like her periods like it’s nothing and she’s even gotten naked in front of me when changing one time. I don't see why sex would phase her at all.Am I being an idiot and just missing something? Maybe I’m just reading too much into something that isn’t there. But like I said I really like her, she’s such an amazing person and I don’t want to mess this up.
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condom, horny, kissing, mixed messages, period, teasing, text, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 July 2021):
 I have to agree with YCNBS.
She lobs you "balls" and you don't catch them, so she too plays "dumb".
The whole bikini event, you could have said:" aww I was hoping you'd still be wearing it so I could take it off". That isn't pressuring here, that is just letting her know that you THOUGHT about her in her bikini and you wanted to see her naked.
I think she could be a little shy and hesitant in person. It's much easier to be flirty and "sexy" over distance and text because she isn't going to have SEX that minute.
And she is a young woman, so she is probably horny. JUST like you. She is probably attracted to you as well. She just isn't totally sure about when to have sex. Yet.
Also. it's great that she has condoms.. but does she know YOUR preference? YOUR size? I'd say it's cool she has some but those are YOUR repsonsibility. Too big and they can slip off inside her, too small and they can break easily. So yea, YOU need to have your own supply there and know how to put them on. Condoms are ONLY useful if USED right.
When she gets into a little "sexy talk" do you respond in kind or just "listen"? Maybe you need to let her know that you are interested in her too, in "that" way. And let her know that YOU will let HER set the pace. So when SHE is ready (just don't be drunk, ok?) you will be too.
There is no rush here. OP Taking the time to get to know her is good, and for her to know you.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 July 2021):
 My take on this situation (based solely on what you have written) is that she keeps lobbing you the ball but you keep dropping it. While you are to be commended (very highly) for not wanting to pressure her into anything for which she is not quite ready, "faint heart never won fair lady". She keeps dropping hints the size of boulders but you do absolutely nothing about them.
If you two are so comfortable with each other, why is it so hard for you to say to her, "So, the text you sent me earlier . . . I was really excited about taking off your bikini but you'd already done it" or "Tell me more about how horny you feel." If YOU don't mention the text message, why would she? She keeps making the first move but you keep carrying on as if nothing happens. I wouldn't mind betting she too is feeling confused and wondering why YOU don't mention the sexy text messages she keeps sending.
It may be - I say MAY be - that she really is not ready for sex and is testing the water, trying to find the nerve to "go there". However, my feeling is that this is not the case. She may be too shy to outright rip off your clothes and jump your bones, but she sounds like she is "giving you permission" to lead the way.
Why is it you are both so afraid to discuss sex? If you feel comfortable enough to discuss her periods, why is sex such a taboo? Be brave. Ask the question, but also listen carefully to the answer. If she tells you she is not sure she is ready, you sound sensitive enough not to push it. However, she may surprise you.
It goes without saying - but I'm going to say it anyway- that you absolutely have to make sure you have protection and know how to use it.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): I think you're old enough to know that some girls just like to tease boys for the attention. She knows you're attracted to her, and your attention is flattering. She likes knowing you think she's sexy; but that's probably about as far as it goes.
Back in the day, guys used to call girls who liked to show-off their bodies a "tease," or a "pr!ck-teaser;" because they'd go no further than showing-off how sexy or pretty they are. It's all harmless, and they shouldn't be taken seriously; and they shouldn't be mistreated for not giving anybody sex. They don't have to, and they can flaunt their bodies as much as they please!
It's their bodies, and they don't have to give nobody anything! It's not showing self-respect to flaunt your half-naked body to guys you don't know; but nobody has a right to lay a finger on a girl without her consent!!! She can tease until the sky falls and the ocean dries-up! If you got a problem with that, just move on! Nobody's got a rope around your neck.
She's just beginning to realize that boys find her attractive; and you happen to be her #1 fan. If you're popular, a jock, or a good-looking guy; your opinion matters, but she knows boys are always trying to get into a girls panties. Once they've gotten what they've wanted, that's it! No more attention, and they run and tell all their bros. She just needs the flattery and attention for now. It doesn't mean she wants you for a boyfriend; but she enjoys your attention. You can stop and turn your attention to another girl anytime you wish. She knows that's what happens with guys anyway.
If you want to get to know her, and like her for anything but what's under her clothes; she might allow you to get a closer. Maybe she doesn't like you like that, but thinks you're cute anyway. Don't always runaround behind girls like a dog with your tongue hanging-out. You have to learn how to really like a girl, not just chase after what's between their legs. They know that's what you're after; and they don't have to give it to you to like you. You don't love her, so you can stop saying that. Love is not a word you casually throw around; and you don't say it, unless you truly mean it! At your age, you don't mean it! You've yet to learn what it really means.
Nobody really plays "hard to get" anymore. That's stupid old-fashioned junk. She likes you to check her out and slobber over her, because it makes her feel sexy. She's full of herself and a bit conceited. You've never offered to take her out on date; you've only followed behind her like a little puppy; so she's stringing you along. Ask her out, and take a chill-pill about trying to get into her pants. She'll let you know if that's ever going to happen. Will you still like her if it never does? Maybe not, and that's what she probably realizes. For now, she's happy having you as her favorite fan!
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