A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a female friend I've known for 8 years. Both married when we met, both been single 5 years. We used to meet up for lunch occasionally, had a bit of a falling out when she continually cancelled arrangements but have seen and spoken a lot more in the last 9 months. Both of us been quite lonely and I've been propping her up a fair bit. Last two times we met up for a meal she ended up drinking quite a lot and made quite significant passes on me which I have declined as I was sure this was merely a combination of loneliness and drink. She seemed horrified the next day when I told her. I do know she slept with two guys last year when drunk through loneliness.So, I've been a bit concerned about her drinking and mentioned it. Four weeks ago she suggested "meeting up tomorrow night" as she'd just got back from holiday. I turned up and after 15 mins she hadn't arrived. I got a couple of odd texts and went round to her place (two mins away and discovered she was drunk). Huge apologies next day - again, got lonely during the afternoon and turned to the bottle. She was mortified that she had ruined the evening and realised that had she not drunk, she'd have had company in the evening to reduce her loneliness. She's vowed to rein in the drinking. She went away again two weeks ago for a weekend and sent me a text on arrival to say how beautiful it was and she wished I was there. She also seems to be messaging me every day. Last night I was mentioning I was trying to book myself a holiday but probably wouldn't and she said I should "book her in for a weekend" (I can only take that to mean she is suggesting we go away for a weekend together).Now, taking all this together, is she merely overly relying on me, or is she seeing me as something more?
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male
reader, Crazysecret  +, writes (1 June 2015):
 To answer your question; "Now, taking all this together, is she merely overly relying on me, or is she seeing me as something more?" I think an appropriate answer would be that she is in fact lonely, emotionally unstable and needs someone to depend on but I wouldn't say that she is "merely" relying on you. I say this because I am assuming that you are a nice and a caring individual and she has most likely noticed this. Unlike the two other guys she slept with while being drunk, she probably gets the impression that you are reliable which is why she might see you as something more. I think the best approach would be as Codewarrior said; be a friend and maintain a platonic relationship. Now keep in mind that these are just my speculations and you can confirm or reject them based on the fact that you know her better than I do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2015): Honeypie, I do appreciate that. I don't think I'd be interested in her in that way, but I'd rather be "forewarned" as it were and perhaps be less "available". We were talking once about loneliness and she said something else that sort of felt like she was hinting about whether the two of us might but I didn't really pick up on it at the time, only now looking back.
She never used to drink heavily, so I am fairly certain it is to do with loneliness. I can think of several occasions last year where she would only have one or two glasses over a whole night.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 June 2015):
 Personally, I would NOT date this woman, she seems a bit.. unstable. There is more going on then her being "lonely".
She isn't JUST drinking because she is lonely. So dating her wouldn't change that fact. The fact that she can't seem to control it could be a serious issue if you DO date her. I mean WHO can't go out to dinner with a friend and just have ONE glass of wine or ONE beer? (I'll tell you, Someone who has a issue with alcohol)
But yes, she does seem to hint at being interested. I think she is waiting for YOU to make that connection ad the move. Whether it's SMART to do so, is up to your judgement.
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