A
male
age
36-40,
*yte529
writes:I met this girl and have known her for almost 2 months, from the start we just hit things off, and when i spent time with her, i had the greatest time of my life... she didn't tell me right away, but i found out that she had recently gotten out of a 3 year off and on relationship, which was bad from what she said..she is 19 and i am 23, but anyways for the most part we would spend all our time together and at one point even though we were never actually dating, it did become sexual! she would always spend the night, and on occasions she would have me go to her parents house, which from what she has said, they loved me.. About a week or so ago, she says to me that she likes what we have, but wanted to slow things down, throughout the next week or so we did talk or text on occasion, but she seemed to grow distant as in not wanting to spend time together, so this past Friday, which was 2 days ago i decided to visit her at her place of work, where when i saw her she seemed really happy to see me. she came over and gave me a big hug! and i told her that i missed her, and she said the same. After she got off work we took one of her co-workers home and then went back to her where she works. We sat in her car and talked, I leaned over to kiss her, and even though she did kiss me it seemed like she was hesitating to do so, and says that by kissing it doesn't make things any easier for her. She then says that everything we have and had is perfect! but this just isn't what she want's right now. Like maybe she is scared to get into another serious relationship? Anyways throughout the couple of months that we spent together, she has been well aware of the fact that i liked her a lot! and i do believe that i may have taken things to fast for her, which hopefully didn't ruin any chance with her in the future?? back to talking in the car with her, i became a little emotional, and yes, did cry a little after hearing that this just wasn't what she wanted at this time.. She says she has to go because she doesn't want to see me cry, and be miserable, so before she leaves i ask her to be honest with me, and tell me is it the fact that you really don't want this right now, or is it your feelings? and she replies that it's a little bit of both! but she also says that she was holding her feelings back. She says I'll text you when i get home, and i say that's probably not the best idea to really talk to each other, so when she leaves she says I'll call you when I'm ready to talk to you! So the rest of that night we don't talk, and same goes for all day on Saturday. So here's Sunday and about 3:30pm my phone rings, and it's her! so I answer and she says hey! how are you? and i say good, I guess. She said i wanted to see how you were doing, So i say well I miss you! and think about you! and so fourth, but we just chat a little. She does say something like.. your not being miserable or moping around are you? and I say no, but it is still pretty hard for me ya know. So anyways she asks me what i was doing today, and i said not much, and she says you should it's a nice day out! So before we get off the phone i say again that i miss her, and I'll talk to you whenever, which she mistakenly thought i said i will talk to you never! I said no, that's not what i said, i'll talk to whenever, and she says you better! and we pretty much get off the phone, because she was getting for work, and I even said well look it's hard enough when i think about you, but to sit on the phone makes it a little worse right now! that was about it.. Sorry this is so long, and i guess the real answers I'm trying to figure out is, if she does like and want what we've had, but just really isn't ready for a serious commitment? and by me being so open and straight forward with my feelings for her, did that maybe push her back? And also why would she call me to see how i was doing, especially when she said I will call you when I'm ready to talk to you? Thanks for all the advice i can get....
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (28 June 2009):
 Okay, here's my take on your question and I'm being blunt and totally honest here. She likes you but not enough to have a serious relationship with you. I don't think she intended to have sex with you, it just happened and now she's gotten into a bit of a rut. She knows you like her a lot (that's obvious as you've told her and broken down in front of her) and that's made it all the harder to let you down. She likes you as a friend and feels a bit sorry for you, maybe even a bit guilty and that's why she's called you but she's the one with the control here and she knows it, that's why she said "I hope you're not being miserable and moping around" then tells you you should do something nice as it's a lovely day. All signs of her being in charge.
You need to toughen up a bit. Women hate to see a guy break down, it makes them look needy and weak. Let her see that you don't miss her (even if you do) and if she asks how things are tell her you've been really busy (even if you haven't been.) You've been out with friends, been working on something and are meeting up with some mates at the weekend. Let her see you don't think she's all that and that you're not as "needy" as she thought. Then YOU end the conversation if it's by phone by telling her that you'll really need to go as you're meeting a mate in 10 minutes and that she has a nice day. Let her see your social life doesn't stop and that you are confident and assertive. Don't have sex with her so quickly next time either and even put her off a couple of times if she asks to hang out.
This will make her sit back and think and even make her want you more.
~Eve~
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