A
male
age
51-59,
*Bald
writes:Dear people,I met a girl in a chat room on New Year's Eve this year. Since that day we have spoken on the telephone without fail every day, morning and night when we are in bed till we fall asleep. After approximately a month both of us started to regard our telephone and online relationship as something special, and the dreaded ‘L’ word passed between us. We both have a great deal in common (although we have never met in person), we are both registered nurses and she is about to embark upon a law degree; I am just finishing one.Unfortunately she lives in Darwin, whilst I live in Tasmania an 8 hour flight away. Consequently, we have never met, although it was always planned and postponed due to the expense, work commitments etc.Today I asked her for her address so that I could send her some discs; she refused to give it. When asked why, she said had no reason not to give it she just wouldn’t and that she was f@$ked up and that I should take it or leave it and that she didn’t want to talk about it!!!Now I do love this girl and want to be with her, and she says she loves me, and I have been given no reason to doubt her. We have only really argued on this point, and that she refuses to give me her home telephone number. I only have her mobile number.She shares an apartment with her cousin and sometimes his girlfriend.I have discussed with her my plans to move to Darwin at the end of the year and she has readily agreed that I stay with her. I should add that she was bashed by a previous ‘partner’ and ended up in hospital. That piece of filth breaking her ribs etc….Is she just being cautious? Is our relationship doomed? What do you think is going on? I would appreciate ANY advice you guys can give me!Best regards,iBald
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Good plan. It will be good for you to meet on the “neutral territory”. And yes, it is a confusing thing when falling in love trying to get to know and understand another person. You don’t say how long time since she was with this violent man, but remember that this creates deep scars in most people. Do you know if she got any professional help dealing with it, or if she dealt with it on her own? That she is having some trust issues with you at this stage is only normal, it is not based on any fact about your person, it is only based on the facts she DOESN’T know about you, and that issue will find its solution in a natural way when you start getting to know each others. But she might also have general trust issues due to her past. It might make her a little more sensitive. Try having in mind that it probably have nothing to do with you and it might be easier to handle.If it was recently this happened with her violent boyfriend, it could also be that what she is looking for at the moment is to restore her self-worth. To have a relationship with someone far away is much safer, and it is a whole other thing when knowing you might move closer. I’m not saying this to say she is not being serious or doesn’t mean the L-word. I just wanted to give you this word of precaution to move slowly in the beginning. To be careful not only about her feelings, but also about your own heart.And don't wait to long with the trip, it is time for you to find some answers out on her soon :)I wish you all the luck in this and tell us what happens.
A
male
reader, iBald +, writes (25 August 2007):
iBald is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying so quickly guys; I really appreciate it! Interesting that there is a polarisation of advice. Of course I am still confused. We spoke again today as normal and exchanged the 'L' word. I agree and had planned to stay in a hotel 'neutral territory' when I first go to Darwin.
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A
female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (24 August 2007):
I think you two must meet in person pretty soon. I can understand it would feel weird to her to have you over living in her home before you have even met. My advice for you would be that you find somewhere to stay nearby her, at a hotel or hostel, for some days and then you can spend some time together without her feeling too much pressure. Then take it from there depending on how you feel after meeting in person.
Don’t worry about her giving only cell phone number, it could very well be she is just being cautious, after all, even though you’ve spoken a lot on the phone, you have actually never even met yet.
Take it easy.
Wish you luck!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (24 August 2007):
 Hi
I wouldnt give anyone on the internet my address. Sorry. Its a bad idea. And she knows it. Dont forget shes been in a volitile relationship before so violence is no stranger to her. Shes being causious & rightly so.
Its harder for you 2 because you are so far apart, but if it was me, i would book a hotel, take a holiday there & meet somewhere public like everyone does, or should, that meets on the net or blind date, then take it from there.
Good luck.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (24 August 2007):
 I find it very bizarre that considering you have said that you are in love with each other she will not give you her address or her home phone number, even after what she went through in her previous relationship.
I think i would have to start asking what she is hiding, as you are supposed to be in a relationship she should be able to feel as though she can share her fears with you.
The relationship will be doomed if you can not get to the bottom of why she is unwilling to give you her address and phone number.
You should talk to her and try and get her to open up and tell her that if she feels as though she has to hide things from you then your relationship will stand no chance.
Take care.xx.
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