A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship that last 17 years. Wow! Long time, huh? We have 2 children. Anyway, we never married. First 2 times he asked me I wasn't ready. Then I asked him. He said yes and then financial trouble hit and then we lost a child. We've been through so much and have grown and learned together. I have stuck by him and encourage him and he has done the same for me. Seemed perfect, huh? We argued, discussed the problem and made consessions on both ends to come to an understanding. Nothing wrong in the bedroom either. That never changed.The break up happend 4 years ago. He left me with a "I just can't be here anymore." He said that it wasn't that he didn't love me...just that sometimes people can be in love, but they just can't live with each other. The separation has been hard. I moved away cuz being in the same zip code made it hard for me to not see him or talk to him. We talked in the beginning and we still do. Calls are less frequent now, but he used to come and see me once a month. Just to gain some peace. He says he's more relaxed with in my company 'cuz I don't expect anything from him.Am I just stupid and blind? It doesn't "feel" different when he's with me, but when he leaves I'm more hurt and confussed. Has he met someone? What am I supposed to do now? I'm not interested in "moving on." Help me stop crying. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for answering. He doesn't want to say "wait for me to figure things out" and only once has he said, "Please be patient. I don't know what is wrong with me. Don't leave me" Sends flowers to me on our anniversary, my birthday and valentines EVERY year since we've been apart. Our daughter is 21 and has her own life but he calls and takes her to lunch or dinner often. Flys our son down every spring and summer break and plans his christmas week off to be here with us as a family. Nothing changed until the day he left. We made love every night as always and cuddled as always. He made me breakfast and so on and so on.... We know we can't go back..nobody can. But do I want him back? Will I trust him?
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (24 August 2007):
 I had the same experience, only I was the one who left after a long relationship that seemed, on the surface to be working fine. Unfortunately, I had been bored for years, just going through the motions. I finally had to force myself to face it. He was a great guy and we got along fine and for a long time, I existed simply because it was comfortable and too scarey to think of being on my own. But I had fallen out of love with him, even though I cared for him deeply and loved him in my own way. I needed something else. Someone else. So I did the same thing, I weened away gradually, trying to give him time to adjust, to make sure he would be okay. I still wanted to be friends, not to just write him off overnight, because he was like family to me. We had been in each other's lives for many, many years and I didn't want to be cruel about it. I had no malice for the man, I just didn't love him like that anymore and I couldn't keep pretending. Perhaps your mate is doing the same thing. But if he isn't telling you he's going to come back to the relationship, you have to let go and move on. It's the only way to stop crying. It hurts, yes. It hurts him too but he can't change his feelings. For some unknown reason, they changed and it probably wasn't anything you did at all. Since his calls and visits are getting fewer and fewer, it could be that he's met someone else. He may have even met her before he ended your relationship but didn't really want to cheat on you. You will probably never stop loving him, but you will be able to re-build your life again if you give yourself permission to stop hanging onto the hope that things are going to get back the way they were because the longer you hold onto this hope, the longer and more painful it will be for you to go on with your life. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): You need a long hard discussion with him and ask him what's the real reason he left. He obviously left for a reason. And is he coming to see your children?
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