A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,ive been on this site for a while,im in a bit of confusion about a girl,we met about a year or two ago at a mutual friends place though i didnt take much notice of her(i found her attractive but didnt pursue coz the ex was kinda in the picture then). Any way i recently began to 'get it' that she was showing interest..i think!! Whenever i bumpd into her she would suggest us going out in a very subtle way bt i didnt notice for long. In any case we swapped numbers and have been in communication,she reply my sms n calls.. smtimes promptly,smtimes not,i initiate but ocasionaly when i keep quiet for a long bit of time she initiates,i get the feeling she is shy but has game when it comes to dealing with guys(let me emphasise that i dont play the relationshp games most people indulge in but am kinda going slow). I communicate with her in a way that lets her knw im interestd in getting to know her n she isnt giving -ve feedback though she seems kinda cool when she is around me and im finding it hard to read her and i dont want to fall into just friends category...ok i generaly feel the vibe is gd btw us but would like a bit of help on how to proceed with her so i dont come too strong or needy. Thanks for any advice offered
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 July 2011):
Hi there. It all sounds fairly encouraging, and you feel that vibe yourself. So that's positive.
You like talking to her, and she likes talking to you also.
I agree, you don't want to just become friends, because clearly, that's NOT what you both want. That seems obvious.
I suggest that you call her - not text message - but CALL her on the telephone and actually talk to her. Mobile to mobile or landline to landline, whichever is easiest. Don't muck around with this.
And when you do call, how about you ask her to go for coffee to a nice local cafe. Don't ask to meet her there, but call by to pick her up from her house. Because that's going the extra step and it's nice and it's polite. It's common curtesy.
It's ok to text each other, but it can become a habit and it can take over and become the only form of contact you both have. And when that happens, it never gets beyond that. You don't want that. Because you are then just like two casual friends. It can just become a habit with no real substance. That's not what you want, you have already said that.
So as soon as possible, get on the phone and talk to her and ask her out for coffee. Don't wait any longer.
Don't just talk about it - DO it!
A
male
reader, MugenTj  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 You are in good shape as long as she is returning your call and text (if not always promptly, ppl have stuff to do you know), and especially if you guys hang out on occasions.Now, if she has game then by all mean watch your own back, cause anyone can be hurt once time and effort were invested. Still, something needs to give, just make sure it's in small quantity on the physical and financial level. But spend just a bit more on the emotional level. That is how you pursue without being strong or needy. Allow enough time for it to develop, if what you want is a meaningful relationship.Most of all, do not forget to focus on your own well being, the worst thing you can do is lose yourself over someone isn't worthy to begin with. That's why the process should be gradual. Assess the situation as you go. Here is an analogy: It's difficult to predict where the wind might go in a minute, but at any moment, the wind has a clear direction where it is going next! If you can be free like the wind, your relationship will be a lot of fun.
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