A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About almost TWO years ago, my boyfriend who is 37 years old asked me (28 years old) to do him a favour and to please call his female ”friend” (27 years old) to give her an address (which I looked up and it happened to be of a lawyer as far as I can remember!). He wanted ME to do it because the woman’s husband is somehow Abusive and jealous so basically it seemed to me that this woman in in some sort of toxic relationship and she has 2 children with this abusive husband , and supposedly this husband has even been in jail in the past.My bf wanted me to do him the favour of calling her, Just in case the husband picked up the phone out of rage. That way her husband would think I was just her friend, and would not put her in any danger or suspect that it was my boyfriend calling her.The abusive husband had even called my boyfriend numerous time at midnight to tell him to not communicate with his wife. and he also smashed his wife’s computer for talking too much on Facebook.My bf also told me this woman is also complicated since she does things to nag at her husband.Also this woman lives in New York while my bf and I are studying in Latin America(Fact: the women is originally from this country where we are both at right now) but my Bf and I have lived in the states as well. So Recently 5 days ago, after 2 years of not mentioning her to me, he mentions me this women AGAIN!! The fact that now she is contacting him because he says he has ‘suicidal’ thoughts., so he was emailing her back trying to talk her out of it.He told me that she is a ''long time” friend and he is “concerned of her doing something crazy or wanting to hurt herself'' and that she contacts him when she needs his help or advice.I feel my boyfriend is too caught up in all this drama. From a very long time (Since we started dating I been hearing about this), I have a very strong feeling this is an ex girlfriend and there is some type of an emotional connection or affair between them ,even though he says she’s a ''friend'.What do you think can really be going on here? I already asked him twice and he keeps on saying the same things nothing new so, I am very confused here.
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affair, ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, in jail, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 January 2017):
 Honestly if you have to go investigating yourself in to his past then maybe he is not the man for you. Do you think you are even in the right relationship? If you barely see each other, and he doesn't talk to you about things then maybe you are probably best apart. No point being with someone if you don't trust them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo me it sounds fishy! why so much drama for more than 3 years! So much communication between them, she could of looked for help long time ago, and get away from her crazy ''abusive'' husband. Why so much ''talk the talk'' instead of walk the walk ,and just do something.I don't live with my boyfriend and we don't see each other a lot so I don't know what is really going on between them!, and all he manages to say are the sames things nothing new!And like @Aunty BimBim said I don't know if she is a real life friend that he knows PHYSICALLY or some random woman he met ONLINE (Which I doubt this is the case, but you never know)I wonder how can I investigate on my own, like what can I do to seek the truth once and for all!
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A
female
reader, AskCatherine  +, writes (18 January 2017):
I hope you manage to be able to sort things out with your boyfriend, surely he may be able to see how much it is distressing you?
Maybe he will soon realise what is more important for him, and start considering you more in his life in comparison to the other woman.
I am sorry i am unable to suggest a way in which you can make things better, but like i said before, try talking to him about your feelings and his. Maybe you can come to a compromise in order to prevent him from being hurt (emotionally).
All the best, Catherine
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (17 January 2017):
Is it complicated? Could it not just be a friend and he worries about her abusive husband?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@askCatherine @AuntyBimBim,yes it is quite complicated, cause I feel I am in the middle and I don't know the whole story well!, and my boyfriend wont tell me anything new. So as to this story I don't know what else to do to figure out once and for all what's really going on here..
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Aunty BimBim, I Agree a 100% with you all of this is just weird,like it does not make sense, I already asked him where does he knows this woman from and since when does he knows her? and basically just said the same things,that she is a friend from sometime ago, and that he happens to know her family, he even told her to go to her sisters house and stay there for her safety, he even told me he has tried to talk to HER husband but that the man is jealous even of his ''own shadow''and they just keep on fighting but also that this WOMAN is not a sweet piece of cake either, UGHH.I feel my boyfriend is either getting used as an emotional dishrag in all of this or he enjoys acting like the saviour for some specific reason, all of this even sounds childish, what I TRULY don't understand is how this woman is just going round and round in circles for more than 3 YEARS,talking about her problems over and over and not coming up with a SOLUTION!!He has mentioned this women as I said since the beginning of us Dating,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): I know this woman is 'bothering' you a bit because you think she might be your boyfriend's ex.Well honey, your boyfriend is WITH YOU. He is physically and emotionally there with you. He has a kind heart and quite attentive too. He doesn't want to see this woman get hurt. Don't you also want the same as him? Does it not bother you to know that another woman is being beaten on or has despression to the point of wanting to kill herself? Even if she is just a stranger, wouldn't you want to reach out to do what you can to help her? Heaving the priviledge to help another human being is a great thing! Why are you thinking such negative thoughts?Lighten up, appreciate the kind heart your boyfriend has, and show him what a wonderful person you are by doing your part in lending a helping hand.Exes are exes for a reason. At the same time, you can't hate or dismiss them because they were once a big part of your boyfriend's life - your boyfriend, the man you love. How can you not accept something/someone who once meant so much to him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): I don't think it is necessarily an ex. But perhaps it is, if so, what then?
You hopefully want the people you know and have cared for in life to be safe. I think he sounds like a good man. He is in a different country, it's not like he is looking to get back together with her. It just seems like he is trying to talk her through a hard time. Wouldn't you do that for some of your guy friends, or maybe an ex you are on good terms with?
I think you are overreacting. Unless there is more info.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 January 2017):
 From your question I believe the following:
There is a woman from your country, currently married and living in the States who your boyfriend considers a friend. Previously he has believed she, and by association her children, were in danger from an abusive husband and asked his girlfriend, that's you, to help by calling her with some information that might help her.
Your boyfriend's friend is still caught up in the drama and has thoughts of self harm.
Your boyfriend comes across as a very caring individual. He is also honest and open about his friendship with this woman, in that he has no compunction discussing the situation with you.
However he cant help, he is at a distance in another country. There is also the chance the lady in question is using your boyfriend as a crutch.
The best thing your boyfriend can do is give her a list of agencies who may be able to help her and her children. There are also websites. In addition to that, and I hope citizens of the US will correct me if I am wrong, if he believes she is going to cause self harm to herself or her children he could see if there is a way to involve the appropriate authorities. Maybe you could research this together so that when she contacts him he has the information easy to hand.
There is no way for any of us, you, me or the other volunteers here, to know if she is really in danger or if she is a drama queen or has ulterior motives. Maybe your boyfriend can shed more light on that, is she somebody he knew in real life or somebody he met online?
Your boyfriend needs to think about this in the clear cold light of day, is she somebody he REALLY knows ... or just somebody he contacts when she wants to add extra drama to her life. It would be horrible to think her story is real and nobody did anything, but equally frustrating if she is just yanking his chain for personal amusement.
Its up to your boyfriend to find out which scenario it is.
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A
female
reader, AskCatherine +, writes (17 January 2017):
Your situation appears to be rather complicated by the way you describe it, because i dont know your partner personally, it comes across as he is a guy with maybe a good heart.
Why dont you maybe explain your feelings to him?
How you think he is possibly going to get hurt, by getting caught up in another persons troubles, maybe he will listen if you explain to him that you are just looking out for him.
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