| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I was in a serious relationship with a guy (it was long distance where we had to fly an hour to see each other). Then one day, I find out he had been texting this other girl 10 hours a day, and they were seeing each other for 3 hours a day for dinners, beach days, netflix nights in everyday. He never mentioned to me about her and lied to me everyday about what he had been doing. I accused him of emotionally cheating, and we broke up. This girl was actually in a 6 year relationship at the time and she was also living with her boyfriend!After that, a month-ish later, she and her boyfriend broke up. And straight away my ex and her were together. It is clear they both emotionally cheated, whether anything physical happened before they broke up - unsure. Before the new relationship became anything, she moved to Australia permanently to be with her family, whilst my ex is still in the UK. It has been one and half months now, and they are doing long distance and also going on a romantic holiday together in February. My ex will be moving to Australia in 7 months time for a year and then coming back.A little of background also - my ex has never been single for the last 10 years, he goes from one girl to another, and breaks up with girls within the 2 years mark. Each time he emotionally cheats with a girl who is a close female friend. That girl becomes the next gf. He has no insight on boundaries and again has done the same thing again. Whilst we were together, my ex never liked it if I was friends with a guy, or went out partying. He would get really insecure and jealous. Therefore given how they started, how can he handle her making new guy friends?What I find the most bizarre is, this girl she used to give him lifts all the time to the airport, knowing he was coming to see me. She has seen pictures of my ex and I together. Also my ex, used to hang out with her daily but knowing she was still going to be going home to sleep with her boyfriend. Does these memories and thoughts not plague them mentally?!My questions - I keep ruminating in my head about what has happened. Going through heartbreak, anger, and pain. I want to ask what are the chances they will work? How can two emotional cheaters work? How can a long distance relationship like this work? How can they trust each other given how it started? He is going to Australia in 7 months but only for a year and then coming back to the UK. Clearly she is not in his future plans? What is this sort of relationship?
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female
reader, cassedenn  +, writes (24 January 2017):
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 January 2017):
 I can understand why you are still over thinking this because the break up is still fresh to you. But honey you need to deal with the fact that this man was no good for you. Try not to care if they will work out or not. He might do the same to her, or else he might actually think she is the one to settle him down. Nobody can answer that. It is a bitter pill to swallow being cheated on. But he was in the wrong not you. Don't allow his future to upset yours. You need to put the break up in the past, move on and concentrate on your happiness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): I know how you feel. It sucks and as much as you want tthis to be over with and yourself to be over him, you are still processing your break up. This is all part of life. This is where we learn that life isn't fair. Good guys don't always win in the end. I won't tell you to get over him (not right now), because you are not yet ready to let go. So, go ahead and process - do whatever you need to do - stalk them on social media, gossip from friends, whatever you need to do to give you a moment's relief - go for it. This will take a little time to process.Let me tell you a story - There was this couple, they dated for 3 years, during the 3 years, the girl was an amazing girlfriend, se sacrificed so much for the guy. She was there when he needed someone the most. She went above and beyond the role of a girlfriend. Every one of his friends and family adored her. But he cheated emotionally on her. He started by chatting to many girls on a chat site. He flirted. But he always assured his girlfriend that it was just chit chat and she believed him. He even introduced his girlfriend in the chatroom to all these girls he was flirting with. His girlfriend trusted him. Until one day he got to know one of the chatroom girls better.. they exchanged phone numbers and start talking outside the chatroom. He developped feelings for this girl and he dumped his girlfriend. He flew half way across the country to meet this girl. They began to date and have a long distance relationship. Eventhough it was a long distance relationship he stayed faithful to this girl. A year later they got engaged and now they are soon to be married. His ex girlfriend was devastated. She didn't know what she did wrong. She tried to move on and date other men but they cheated on her too. She didn't do anything wrong but she remained alone, yet he cheated on her in front of her face and he has a wonderful loving relationship now. That's how life is - unfair.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): I'm not sure why you're wasting so much brain-activity over your ex? You haven't let go. You're way too busy doing follow-ups on all his relationships; and that takes quite a bit of time and effort. You're torturing yourself.
Are you writing a book or autobiography of your ex?
Time to move-on. Should ah-could ah-wouldahs are not moving forward, that's standing still. Worrying about how he and other women get-on really is a waste of your time. It is also unhealthy for the soul and your mental-health. You should be focusing on your own love-life.
Yes, two cheaters can make a relationship work. If the chemistry and commitment is actually there. People do actually change, and sometimes their true problem was the fact they never found what they really wanted. So they kept settling and dabbling. Like any other failures and mistakes we all make in relationships; at some point in life we redeem ourselves and take a better path. Not without some personal loss. You don't getaway with destroying people without some payback.
People don't always choose the right partner; or find a string of mismatches. Temptation affects all people. Some give-in far too easily. Cheating doesn't benefit you in any way; it only builds a lot of bad karma. We have to pay restitution to those we hurt. Sometimes we learn by going through the same heartache we cause. Sometimes years go by before we reap exactly what we've sown. That doesn't mean that once you've cheated, you'll never find love and happiness. It's a learning exercise of wrong-doing and consequences for those actions. Some do learn!
It will come at much cost, because cheaters also have to live with their paranoia, trust-issues, and guilt. Not only that, but they are always under the microscope. They are targets of retaliation and anger. They have to work much harder to establish or re-establish trust. Those that don't care usually meet someone worse than themselves; because they live by inflicting pain. So eventually it's going to boomerang back. Their luck always runs out! They getaway clean a few times, get over-confident, then BAM!!! Their wicked-ways catch-up with them.
I don't think we should worry about people who have no direct effect on our lives, or the lives of those who love us. We press on and focus on how we treat others; so we'll treat them as we wish to be treated. We put exes in the past where they belong; unless they bring some new benefit to our lives. Some become devoted friends, most don't!
As stable healthy adults; we shouldn't spend time stalking and keeping abreast of our exes; because that will only hold you suspended in a bad place. You'll never find your own joy, you will waste your gift of life; and you will become mean, cynical, vengeful, and embittered. No one wants a person like that. So don't give people the power to make you that way.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 January 2017):
 If I understand correctly, its only been 1.5 months since your break up and you are obviously hurting. Its understandable of course but what you are putting yourself through is not going to help you in ANY way. You need to cut the ties and move on as he has done. I know its not easy but you HAVE to..or you are going to continue to hurt!
I did this after my ex husband and I divorced. He got a woman pregnant and got remarried when our divorce had only been final for 6 weeks. We had a child together and even though I knew we were finished, I was hurting very badly. I used to drive by their house at night, obsess over him, try to find out everything about him/her. It was awful and made me almost sick. WHY??? He didn't care...I am telling your from someone who has been there..STOP checking up on him. Talk to friends, go out, get a new hobby..but stop making him part of your life. STOP CARING
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2017): Long distance relationships are challenging enough. Add two cheaters to the mix and you are guaranteed to fail. You would be asking for trouble and getting it. People who have pattern behaviors keep repeating them. So, this relationship like any of his relationship as long as he continues his cheating ways, is destined to fail. Who knows? Maybe she could cheat first. She is also capable. There is always that smoking gun between them. I am sure they will have their share of problems due to trust issues. And their relationship will self destruct due to lack of trust, paranoia or insecurity or one of them cheating.
But who cares?
You are onto bigger and better things now, aren't you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 January 2017):
 I agree with BrownWolf,
STOP CARING! YOU found out that your ex-bf was a cheating douche and you ended it. He then started seeing the person he cheated on you with. SO what?
YOU took the garbage out and SHE picked it up.
Whether or not they can make it work is irrelevant.
I know you HOPE that he somehow will be miserable with her or cheat on HER too (or vice verse) so the HURT you are feeling by being cheated on will be FELT by them too - I GET IT!
However, it DOESN'T matter!
What matters is that YOU move forward building a LIFE that YOU will be happy with. That you PAT yourself on the back for not taking CRAP from this guy and ending it. YOU did the right thing, doesn't mean it didn't HURT your feelings.
I think that fact that he jumped bed so fast shows what kind of person he is, same for her. Neither shows traits of a GOOD partner - so in that sense YOU got lucky!
Can he trust her? Can she trust him, well you know the answer to that...
NO. He is not going to be faithful to her nor is she likely to be faithful to him, at least NOT long term. But who knows? Two of a kind might work for them.
BUT IT DOESN'T matter!!!!
What matters is that you HAVE to start fresh. CLEAN the slate and focus on you, not him. He already proved to you that he wasn't a Keeper.
STOP checking up on his social media and her. REMOVE them in every way from your life. It's hard to focus on the here and now and the future if you are constantly looking over your shoulder to try and figure him out. He was a twat and you dumped him. END of story!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (16 January 2017):
The question you need to be asking yourself is...why do you still care?
You know your ex's history with women. Hopefully you found that out AFTER he cheated on you. Because if you knew that info while you dating him...well...even more reason for you to burn that bridge and move on.
You should not be feeling anything regarding some like him. It should be as if he never existed. As you see, he has moved on, got a new girl for the next couple of years as you say, and then she will find out the same thing you did.
So when he comes back to the UK, you should be with your new guy, happy as a fish in water, and your ex a passing thought like wind blowing through your hair, and just as easy to forget.
NEVER waste your time and energy on people who don't care about you.
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