A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a butch lesbian and I'm in a relationship with a straight girl turned femme. I love her so much and I want her to be in my future, you know... those dreams that you have a partner for life. But something has been bothering me lately. I'm a one-way lesbian and I don't let her touch me. She doesn't like the idea to touch a lesbian too. At first, it was like a good match. But actually, I only don't want to be touched NOW, but eventually, I want to. I want to give "it" to a girl truly deserving. And I've been thinking to give it to her, but the thing is, she's one-way too (only receives).In the past, she admitted that she had intercourse and did all the oral stuff to a past boyfriend. Just one guy. So I asked her, if she ever did it to a past butch partner and she said never. I asked, "how come you can do it with a guy, but can't with a girl?"... and she said she doesn't know. Not that I can't accept her. I respect her with all my heart... but it bothers me and makes me feel insecure that maybe she'll turn straight one day. I'm scared to raise the issue as she may misinterpret it. I don't think it's something worth to be the reason of a breakup. Any opinion, pls?
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female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (22 July 2013):
Isnt it obvious why the previous partner cheated? OP, there's no such thing as one way loving. Giver eventually gets frustrated and the result isnt good.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think it's because she's young - she's 28 and had 3 guy boyfriends and around 4-5 butch partners. As much as possible, I don't want to take it against her.
She also shared to me before that she had a past butch partner who is a two-way and is used to dating girls who gives and receives. But during their 3-year relationship, she never gave. It was all one-way. That butch even requested once for her to be touched, but my gf just had a change of mood and got out of bed.
They eventually broke up, not because of the sex but I think because that butch cheated on her.
So it can be a really big issue when raised. :S
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (21 July 2013):
Dear OP,
If I had a partner who was willing to touch his/her ex, but NOT me, I'd feel rejected. I don't know how realistic it is that you'll lose a former straight woman to a man, but that she doesn't want to touch you is kind of a mild warning sign to me.
I've been in a lesbian relationship for a long time and I can't imagine the one-way thing to be satisfying over a longer time. And a woman who "doesn't like the idea to touch a lesbian" would make me wonder how come she thinks she's a lesbian if she doesn't like that? But maybe it's only that she's young and has never tried it before.
If I was you, I'd try to find out more about her and her experiences. If she enjoys being with you, sexually, and could imagine giving pleasure to you as well. If there's no desire to touch you at all, then please don't make too many future plans. She will fall in love with someone who she'll like to touch, man or woman, and leave you. That's not a prophecy, of course, only a guess.
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1 +, writes (21 July 2013):
This is weird. All along i thought a relationship was a give and take situation not one way. How can she be comfortable receiving only without reciprocating? Is she sure of her sexual orientation? She should be able to pleasure you as much as you pleasure her. What happens when you want some love then?
This is a bridge you have to cross sooner or later. You need to talk about it and she needs to learn that in any relationship, gay or straight, she has to return the favour.
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