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male
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*arnzy
writes: Recently i got a new girlfriend, she was great, she was amazing however things have took a turn for the worse...Basically i took her out 2 days ago and we stopped in a hotel, it was a great night and it was passionate, however the next day when i spoke to her on msn she was funny with me and wasnt really interested in me...I feel it has something to do with this guy, i let her go to a friends house with another girl to a guys house, i trusted her, but i look at this guys profile yesterday and i see they have been emailing each other, and they have been calling each other lover and other words like that...I suspect she did nothing that night however she is going to a party on saturday and this guy will be their, what should i do? should i forbid her to go?what am i to do, accuse her of cheating or do i wait and trust her to make the right decision and stay with me?? i need advise please
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2006): No, you can't forbid her to do anything. You don't accuse her of anything, either. All you have is suspicions. She's a free thinking woman and she does what she wants, hun. No one should ever claim 'ownership' in a relationship and this is what you sound like you are doing. Best get that behaviour in check. If this relationship is still 'new', remember it takes most couples 6 months of 'exclusive dating' for most relationships to get to the point where they swear emotional allegiance to each other, they totally trust each other and the committment is in place.. It takes that long to also really get to know a person well and judge their behaviours, actions and character traits. You both are simply dating each other..and we all know dating is a selection process of finding a true partner who has integrity and will be true to you. You two share differing core values about relationships..so take take what you have learned about her and make a clear headed decision on whether you want to continue dating her. Just because you slept with her, means absolutely nothing. Lots od people have non comittal sex just for fun. I suggest you wait this out and make some sound judgements as to whether..she's the one for you. If not, move on and go have fun dating other women. Good luck
A
female
reader, Anja +, writes (21 April 2006):
 If anything really is there with this other guy I doubt she'd be silly enough to allow you access to these messages that she has been sending him. Obviously you have a niggling feeling else you wouldn't have looked at her private mail. I think the best thing you can do for now is not confront her on the issue, maybe suggest just you and her go out instead of her going to this party, say you wish to spend a bit of quality time together. If she doesn't agree, then she may want to be going to this party to be near this guy...? Do you know anyone that is going to this party? Suggest you go also, but be careful, don't be pushy, she may think you are onto her (that's if she is hiding something!) Look at her body language carefully when you suggest going to the party, if she makes escuses like...oh you wouldn't enjoy it...you don't know anyone...(and blushes or looks away as she says this) look at how she dresses too before she goes to the party (if it gets that far!) Get a moment to yourself with her and confirm to her how you feel about her. Maybe she is not sure about how you feel about her and is keeping her options open..?! xx
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A
female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (21 April 2006):
 You cannot forbid her to do anything, you do not own her or have any claim over her actions. If she wants to be with this other man she will do it no matter what you do.
However, what she does owe you is honesty, you need to ask her honestly if there is anything going on between her and this other guy. Quite frankly it sounds like there is but I don't want to judge. She owes it to you to let you know if there is someone else and then you can make you decision together as to how you want to go from there.
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