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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 22 This year and my boyfriend is 40. were finding it realy hard but we get on do well, we have the same starsign and enjoy the same things and sometimes we forget the number were labeled by. hes already been married and has a 13year old. i really want to be with him and forget the complecation of the relationship when were together. do you think we can make this work? i believe if it feels right and ment to be together we can make it work. but he seems alright some days but then its like he hits reality and kinda acts strange and goes quiet. it also stresses him out a lot and i try to cheer him up and remind him of the reasons why we love each other. but i hate making him feel like this what can we do to make it work and got stress him out so much Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2006): You already know that your man cares about what others think of him, particularly in light of the age difference. This personality trait is the cause of his stress, and there is not much you can do to make that trait go away.
You probably know the answer to your question, and so does he. Your relationship will succeed to the extent that he can overcome the need for approval.
I am 39 years old and have a close friend who is 25. We have set boundaries on our relationship for reasons that have nothing to do with our age difference. In the unlikely event that the boundaries were to disappear I am sure we would be a successful couple, in part because we could care less about what others think of the age difference.
I wish you the best of luck and hope that your man can see the true cost if he can't overcome his demon.
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (22 April 2006):
 You have signed up for a tough relationship and it is just going to get tougher. There is no miracle wave of a wand that can make it better.
Counseling might help build a stronger bond, but that wont stop the stares and comments.
I won't lie to you most can't handle the stress of such an age difference, the odds of this relationship working are very very small. Yet there are a few that make it work and it is hard, and many tears are shed but when he is 90 and your 72 it will be no big deal anymore.
You just have to look deep and figure out if you truly and honestly can hold out that long.
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