A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I shall try to make this short. I met a girl on a taxi when i was going to work. We chat and walk till i reach my work place. She ask my contact no. And we exchange our number. We didn't meet for the next 2 weeks. One day we happen to meet again on the way. Her house is near to my rent house. That evening i called her and she was very happy and told me she is very happy that i called her up. Since then we go to work together everyday and she started saying she misses me and calling me at late night and asked me if i could be a close friend of hers. She wanted to talked every night. I told her that people might misunderstood our friendship. She told me she has a bf and i don't have to worry about people misunderstanding. She will never allow any misunderstanding from his side and that her bf is very understanding , trust her and will not misunderstand us. She also told me her bf is not caring for her and he don't have time for her. He is always busy in his study. She has a bf but she become very touchy feely with me. Whenever we walk alone she wants me to hold her hand or hold her by the shoulder. She become very comfortable with me that she even bite me on my arm and slap my ass. I slap her ass back and she is comfortable with that. She even ask if she should break up with her bf.. When she calls , her bf usually says he is busy but he has time to walk or talk with her female colleague. I am a bit confused whether she is being very friendly with me or flirting with me. She often invite me to her house and she also comes to my house. She even cook food for me in my house. She sometimes keep saying i should not be shy with her since she is a friend, and not a gf. Please enlighten my confused mind , dear cupid madams and sir. I sense trouble. So how can i distance my self without being creepy and maintaining distant friendship.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2017):
 I hope you stay away from her as she really is not good for you. She is bored in her relationship and looking for some fun. Don't be the other man as people will find out and you will look like the good guy. I think you need to tell her the friendship doesn't make you comfortable any more and say you want to end it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guardian wind and rubybbirtle , for your valuable advise and opinion... I get a rough idea of what is going in her mind...
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A
female
reader, Guardian wings +, writes (9 March 2017):
I'd like to give you a slightly more culture specific advise here. this is what the situation is: Her bf is treating her badly. She sees you as a desperate way of distracting herself from a relationship and a man who is hurting her. He is spending time with his female colleague so she's clearly jealous. she's just trying hard to do 'tit for tat' on him! And for this little game, she's got hold of you. She lost her virginity to him. So she's immature to think that she HAS to marry the guy and no one else. Even if she likes you, she will out of her pure lack of maturity and what the indian society has put in the heads of young girls, choose him because she lost her virginity to him. One day she has to wake up or else her entire life she's going to waste with a guy who is not good for her.If you consider yourself a good friend and a good human, advice her to leave him. Not to make her your gf, but to help her out of a bad relationship. That's the stupidest thing a girl can do- Marry a man because she slept with him! He's not giving her enough time, so she's deliberately going out of her way to distract her disturbed mind. She has indirectly conveyed this to you too, by telling you how he ignores her and never cares for her. She's looking for a MALE friend to make her bf jealous and distract herself from his ill treatment for the time being, without crossing the boundary of cheating. If her bf suddenly starts giving attention, she will disappear from the scene and stop being close to you. I doubt this is real friendship or even prospective relationship. Also it's possible that she has emotionally dependent personality. Where she wants emotional back up in case her bf dumps her or continues treating her like this for a long time. So you play 3 roles here 1. substitute boyfriend 2. male friend to her because HE has a female colleague he is close to. (tit for tat) 3. A shoulder to cry on or move on to, if her bf dumps her. Clearly this girl does not know how to filter, pick, select, and judge before deciding whether to date, sleep or marry the man. She just builds relation with a man who is interested, gets emotionally attached and then expects it to work out and end in marriage. She has a long way to go and learn how to really fall in love. To aunts from other countries. India is a country where dating is in it's very nascent stage. No ground rules, no understanding of what one should be doing. Most of the young (16-25) populace watches bollywood and interprets love is just being attracted to someone, falling in love then fighting with their parents to marry the person (even if the parents have a point as to why the person is not a right match). They don't get the concept of filtering out and figuring out if it is the right person indeed. There's also social stigma where a person's morality is labelled and judged badly if they go out on several dates with several people. Added to that is the idealism of virginity girls grow up with. These things are pretty hard wired when you are brought up here. One needs loads of exposure, life experiences, wisdom and awareness to understand dating in a more profound manner. On the contrary, our modern arranged marriage system works on similar lines to the western dating system, especially in the upper middle class and elite sections. Where dates are arranged by self and others, courtship follows and then the decision making. Excuse me if it was TMI but I thought I should let some of the aunts know the background, so it'll help them in advising people posting q's from India.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (8 March 2017):
I agree with Janniepeg- she's waiting to see if you can steal her away from her boyfriend. She doesn't want to dump him first because she's still not sure whether YOU want a relationship with HER.
Something very similar happened to a friend of mine. We were rehearsing for a show and a a very pretty young actress who was new to the company took a great shine to my friend.
She playfully hugged him, held hands with him and spent rehearsals glued to his side. She frequently wanted to get together with him so they could practice their lines out of schedules rehearsal time.
He was very taken with her but - she had a boyfriend. My friend dealt with it by telling her that he liked her very much; actually he was very attracted to her but he was uncomfortable with the fact that she already had a boyfriend and did not want to have that level of physical contact with someone else's girlfriend. He said that he was not happy to hold hands or link arms with her any more or have contact with her out of rehearsal time.
And then he stuck to it. But he only had to stick with it for two weeks because she took the plunge and dumped her boyfriend. They are still together 10 years and 2 children later.
It worked for him but it might not work for you so be prepared.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advise ma'm jannie..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u jannie for your advice. I would like to add that she also told me they already have shared bed and as a result, they need each other to be hubby and wife. Although she don't have that passion and love, she need him in the society..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 March 2017):
 She doesn't have the guts to just break up with his boyfriend so she is testing you to see if you can snatch you away from him. Her friendship with you is not innocent. Her boyfriend doesn't seem invested in the relationship either but neither of them can just cut it off completely. When relationships come to an impasse, it is often this time that people flirt with others and find the excitement that the relationship lacks. The nature of this "flirtation" happens in the mind, and I doubt it would go further than just slapping the ass although it is still inappropriate as long as she is not single. This story is as cliché as in the movies, where you see people saying they are just friends, and next thing you know they are in bed together, lost in a passion, kissing. You distance by simply not returning calls or saying you are interested in someone else. No need to maintain distant friendship because as you said at the beginning you had no contact for 2 weeks and that only made you miss each other more. Just cut it completely. There is nothing creepy about it and you can still be cordial when you bump into each other going to work.
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