A
male
age
51-59,
* and T
writes:Is she being more than friendly?My sister-in-law always hugs me whenever she greets me. While this is common among our family and close friends she seems to press tighter, and hold for a little longer than the other women do. While one of my male friends always gives me a big bear hug most of the females embrace but not full body contact.She is full frontal and tight, last time she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as well. Not a peck.Cheek-to cheek then a kiss as she withdrew.Her husband (my wifes' brother)is home a week, gone a week. For a year, while I was looking for work and getting our daughter settled in daycare, her and I would have coffee ar her house. She always invited me when her husband wasn't home, I took my little girl with me.Since I started work I don't see her much. I enjoy her company and she always seeks me out when we gather. I would like to renew our coffee 'dates' now that my work has settled down. I'm not sure if I want her to be coming on too me and she really is just sincerely happy to see me; or is she really attracted to me?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): What was it that made the coffees so appealing? The admiration? The novelty? Why not invite your wife to have a coffee date with you once in a while? That might be a lot of fun! Agree to meet in the middle of the afternoon at a coffee shop-- someplace different than your usual spots-- and just talk. If you're afraid that the first conversation would go like,"So how's everything?" "You know, because you were there!"you can both spend time saving up little bits of interesting news, gossip, etc. to tell each other.
A
male
reader, B and T +, writes (7 June 2008):
B and T is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who replied. I have always had close female as well as male friends, several for many years. Yes they hugged me as well. Have I been hoping that she is flirting? Maybe. Perhaps more so that she wasn't. Lovers come and go friends are forever. Yes my wife knows we met for coffee. Have I talked to her about my confusion? No. I was confused. I'll enjoy her company during our gatherings and perhaps invite just her and my brother-in-law out with us so we can spend more time together with out the usual dozen or more.
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (7 June 2008):
Most other women aren't your sister in law so it's no wonder they don't give you as big a hug as this girl.
I think you are just reading too much into this.
She's hardly going to make a move on her husband's sister as that would mess up her entire family, and I don't think she's be that stupid.
Most people on here complain that their boyfriend's / husband's sisters are completely evil and go on about his Ex's or cause trouble. She's probably just thrilled that she's gained a new sister who she really really likes.
Concentrate on her personality and have fun with her. She's you family now so enjoy it!
God Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): I think you are confused. You sound like you almost hope she is making a pass. Are you hoping? You know she asks you for a coffee when her husband is not around so you have registered her.... shall we say 'intent' although that might be too strong. If you think she is behaving inappropriately (I do from what you have posted here) then surely you need to back off a little bit. Re-starting the coffee 'dates' is not really giving the right signals. Hence my comment that you may actually like this little flirtation. Be very careful. Other people will notice it... and children are not stupid either.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Well, if she's attracted to you, coming on to you or simply friendly because you're "family", to me it seems that as long as you are satisfied that's she's not reaching around for a tweak, then it just seems like she thinks you're special... in other words, I don't think I'd be reading that much into it. Now, if it's making you feel uncomfortable, that's another thing all together and something you should try to figure out if you're going to kindly ask her to lighten up a little bit, you know?
I suppose that if you restart the coffee dates and things look like they're escalating, then you might want to worry a little bit. I don't suppose that you've mentioned this to your wife, right? I mean, why insight a family civil war if it's not called for... never mind...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): We don't know what she is thinking, hun! And why does it matter? Gosh, you sound like a man who is 'really' wondering what it would be like to have an affair with his sister in law.
I wouldn't go there if I were you. She may be flirting a bit with you but leave it as is. But as you are the one her posting this question, I will say to you: It sounds as if you are having illicit, dangerous thoughts and if something ever did happen, two good families could be devastated by such actions. It appears to me she is close to you, but as a good friend. Leave it at that. I suggest you don't start the coffee dates again with her. Be content to have coffee dates with male coworker until you get your own thoughts and feelings sorted out. Usually, when men think like this, I often think they feel lonely in their own marriage. Maybe you and your wife should be talking and connecting more. Just a thought.
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