A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dumped my boyf 4 months ago after a 5 year relationship, things werent going well and he was going through a bad time emotionaly and was pushing me away through lies, so I thought it was best to get out of the relatinship then and there. It was so tough and I missed him like hell.Just recently, since new years we got in contact, through emails and then the other night we met up, it was so nice to see him again (I told no one that we were meeting up, because I know they wont approve) but it did feel right meeting him after so long not seeing him and we live so close now!Well we met up, we were talking like normal friends and he appears to have sorted himself out and explained how he got the help he had needed since we were last together. We were trying to be just on friendly terms all night but we just could not stop flirting the next thing I knew we kissed! We both werent drinking and it was obvious that we both didnt intend this to happen.....it just did .....and we couldnt stop. I ended up spending the night with him.I dont regret that night at all, I really enjoyed it, the trouble is that I cant stop thinking about him and I thought I was over him in that way, I suddenly feel all emtional again. I have since been avoiding another guy that I have been seeing recently, because nothing seems to compare to that night with my ex.My family and friends will be shocked to know im back in contact with my ex and I cant tell them how I feel.My ex says that he cant get over me and never wanted to split and wants to meet again asap, and I do feel the same way but have asked him to keep it all a secret as I am still a little confused abut anyone finding out.I really dont think I can move on and commit to dating another guy until I really get my ex out of my system. Has anyone else had this experience? Is sex with an ex so wrong when you are both still in love or is this doomed from the start? should I care what other people may think of us ressuming contact? any advice or tips would be sooo appreciated!Thanx
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice, I have since spoken to my ex and we dicussed what we were feeling briefly, but i really didnt want to get into a heavy discussion and dredge up the past, and all the bad things that happened. He said briefly that he will always love me and never wanted to hurt me again like he did. He said that he had spoken to a friend but didnt mention us sleeping together (like i had asked) but he mentioned that his frined had warned him not to fall for me again, but he said that he felt he might have! I replied by saying that we would meet up again soon and talk some more.
Im still really worried about people finding out whats happening between us because I know they will think going back there is showing a lack of respect for myself, I even think that my family will be very angry.
I do want to give this thing with my ex a tiny chance, but think it should remain secret until I figure out if he has really sorted himself out. I think I should get to know him again after months of not speaking. I just hope this is the right move?!
Thank you again xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): I would say that sex with your ex is wrong if you are not in a commited relationship together. I say this because sex brings up alot of emotions and passion which apply to both men and women but affects the two sexes differently. What I am saying is that you may be connecting on a more emotional level and he may connecting in a more physical way.
It sounds to me that you both love each other but have barriers that are stopping you from being together.
He says has been sorted out his emotionally situation, yet you can only go by his word rather than actions. By you both sleeping together it complicates things and may draw you back together for all the wrong reasons and with out having solved prior issues. If you feel that you would like to get back together then go for it but also find out what he wants.
If however you feel as though you want to sleep together, you are connecting in an emotional level but both (or one of you) want to stay single then id say no. This is because one of you may move on first and find someone else during this period or one of you may become more emotionally attached. It is this negative balance where problems will occur and where the hurt will set in.
If you just want to sleep with him without any emotional inviolvement then that will work ok. Otherwise take a step back and protect your heart. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): I would say that sex with your ex is wrong if you are not in a commited relationship together. I say this because sex brings up alot of emotions and passion which apply to both men and women but affects the two sexes differently. What I am saying is that you may be connecting on a more emotional level and he may connecting in a more physical way.
It sounds to me that you both love each other but have barriers that are stopping you from being together.
He says has been sorted out his emotionally situation, yet you can only go by his word rather than actions. By you both sleeping together it complicates things and may draw you back together for all the wrong reasons and with out having solved prior issues. If you feel that you would like to get back together then go for it but also find out what he wants.
If however you feel as though you want to sleep together, you are connecting in an emotional level but both (or one of you) want to stay single then id say no. This is because one of you may move on first and find someone else during this period or one of you may become more emotionally attached. It is this negative balance where problems will occur and where the hurt will set in.
If you just want to sleep with him without any emotional inviolvement then that will work ok. Otherwise take a step back and protect your heart. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (7 January 2008):
I would say do what feels right for you and don't worry so much about what others think, they don't have to live your life or deal with regretting something forever, which I'm sure from your question you would.
If you feel that you can work things out with your ex then go for it. Your were together for 5 years so something must have been right for you!!
I think you're right when you say that you can't commit to someone else at the moment, you do need to get this thing with your ex sorted first.
Has he dealt with the emotional problems he had 5 months ago?? If he hasn't then I think he should do that before you move into a committed relationship with him again, else it may all go pear shaped for the same reasons as before (I hope that makes sense!?!)
It doesn't sound like either of you stopped loving the other and that's a good base for a relationship as long as he knows this time not to keep lying.
Keep us all posted
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 There is no right or wrong. If you love a person enough to have sex with him, it means that you still love him..He came back and your love rekindled again.The love is between you and him and why should you care about what others think.
5 years, many things have changed.If you still find that you like him again , there is nothing wrong with falling in love with him again.
What is important is yourself and not what others think.
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