A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend seems to resent my best friend -a female and it is affecting our relationship. We all work in the same company and my gf and friend live near each other too. Sue has been my friend for many years - we are very close, she is in an unhappy relationship and we spend a lot of time together supporting each other emotionally - she can talk to me about anything - and I tell her everything going on in my life - I always have. My gf seems to resent the time we spend together more and more and has accused Sue of being unfriendly towards her and gossiping about us to other colleagues at work. I've been with my gf for 18 months now, she's lovely and we have a good sex life but she's getting really mad at me now saying I shouldn't talk about personal relationship stuff to Sue. I think she's jealous of Sue and don't like us going out, phoning and texting. I really want my gf but how can I make her understand that Sue wouldn't repeat what I tell her to colleagues and just because I am closer to Sue, that don't mean I can't be happy with a gf. I need to sort this out - she has been so sulky over xmas when I've been with Sue.
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Hi,
There are two problems here. One is the age old question of whether guys and girls can be pals while in relationships with other people. Most believe its not possible as sexual tension is a very real thing and best mates can have a few too many drinks then things get a little flirty..etc etc.
The second issue is Sue. She is your best mate and in an unhappy relationship. Your girlfriend is taking up a lot of the time she used to have exclusively with you - you honestly think she is fine with this? Moreover, you dont think that there is a little bit of truth in you being in reserve in case her relationship finally breaks down?
At the end of the day its all about what makes everyone happy. At the moment nobody is, you have two women competing for your attention and you cannot seriously ask why your girlfriend has a problem with you discussing intimate details with your friend and her colleague!! That is just wrong mate.
You have asked the question to us here on this site so I think you have an inkling that it's maybe not right. If you want your relationship to work, you have to be prepared to devote most of your time and energyto the person you are supposed to love - not spilling your guts out to a work colleague and rival.
Sorry dude, but you have your priorities all mixed up.
good luck.
p.s. one thing you dont mention, have previous girlfriends had a problem with Sue?
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 January 2008):
 And what makes you so sure that Sue doesn't have her own ulterior motives about your friendship in the first place, and is in fact sabotaging the relationship you have with your g/f? Trust me, there's more to Sue than meets the eye. First of all, don't you think it's a little odd, that a married woman would form such a close "friendship" with a single man who gives her all his undivided attention, and time? And don't you think she might not be too thrilled about thus said girlfriend landing on the scene, colliding with her plans to spend time with you. But all the better if you confide everything to her, she can figure out where the weak spots are and move in for her oh, so subtle kill. Hello. Does a house have to fall on you? And here's another thought; if Sue was really unhappy in her marriage, why hasn't she gotten divorced by now, and jumped into the dating where single people go to find their soul mates? Because she has you. And trust me, she's been working you like a well-oiled machine, hoping that when she does file for divorce, you'll be the man who's waiting for her with open arms. She may have been playing the "friendship" card with you because it's safer, than telling you she's in love with you and having you reject her. Your g/f has a right to be upset. And you need to chose which woman you want to be with. Because it's really time for you to pull the plug on Sue's friendship and find a couple of guys you can go golfing with with you need a friend. Otherwise you're never going to have a normal relationship with any woman who loves you, and Sue will make sure of that. Take off the blinders man and pick a side. And who knows, you may just discover that the real reason you don't want to give up your friendship with Sue is because you really love her the most and you're too afraid to tell her, because afterall she is married to someone else. Good luck.
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