A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear ReadersThe man I am dating (for over 11 months now) - I found out by accident he has a secret email account with emails from other girls - I found out he has about 20 girls on his messenger list and an account on an adults sex site - I emailed one of the girls and she said he had spoken to her on the phone and suggested meeting in person sometime. I confronted him and first he denied it for an hour until I told him her name and phone number and then he had no choice but to admit it. He says he was never going to meet her he was just feeling very low and depressed and needed an ego boost. Just a few weeks ago I asked him when he would make a committment and he said he wouldl ike to but couldn't right now as he had too much stuff in his life to sort out, issues with ex and stuff. Do I dump him? Please note this is the second time I have caught him out on a sex site.
View related questions:
confidence, depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, KT1  +, writes (7 January 2008):
Yes, sorry to say - I'd end it if I were you. My ex told me about 6 months into our relationship that he'd been "battling" with watching porn well before getting together with me. He promised and told me that it was over though. But 6 weeks later I caught him the act, thus lying to me. My problem wasn't as bad as yours, but a while later I got out of that relationship, even though i never caught him again. It was the best thing I could have done - he's now fully involved with a girl, who already has a boyfriend, which greatly concerns me that or similar behaviour was going on while we were together - something I'll never get an answer to - thats something I'm just going to have live with. So what I'm trying to say to you is this - this kind of behaviour wont just go away, it will just get worse and worse until something similar happens, it always starts small until it gets bigger and bigger - a huge web of lies and deceit! Sorry to say. NO ONE deserves this, get out, make a clean start. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Yes i would say end this relationship. He is not trustworthy and he doesn't seem to have any self respect.
You don't want to be with someone where you are always questioning their motives, that just causes you unnecessary
pain and upset.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sparkly_Stars +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Please get rid of him! He sounds like a total utter idiot.. and when you are out of this situation (which is no doubt making you miserable) you will look back and realise what a total uncommitted pig he is, and you will be so happy that you left! If he needed an ego boost, why the hell couldn't he come to you- his girlfriend to get it? Why go to some random girl from an adult site? You deserve someone way better than an internet pervert like him. Before you give him the boot, cut his internet connection off too..that will really give him something to be depressed about ;O)
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Yes you should dump him. He suffers from self esteem issues and I suspect he has trouble being faithful because one woman is never enough. He has to constantly feed the beast of his frail ego and you will always be looking over your shoulder, always wondering what he's doing when you're not around. That's no way to live. Cut him lose, and find someone who's into you and only you. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (6 January 2008):
 if you let this go you are a fool. dump this wannabe cheater before it happens and you feel an even bigger fool. yes he is telling the truth that this is a confidence booster -but then again so is a fifty year old man shagging his twenty two year old secretary who has hiv (and maybe she is having an ego boost too). so take this example i have given you and use it to motivate your stronger more self respectful side to have the guts and power to end this tomfoolery.
the reason you are asking this question is very simple- when we make a difficult moral decision it is stressfull (giving someone we like the benefit of the doubt is less hard than not as preserving a relationship is usually easier than having to crush it, friend or lover), so when the same situation presents itself we take the option we previously took as this has already been passed through our moral evaluation unit. But this is not the same situation-it is a repeat offence and this individual obviously thinks that your good nature and trust the first time this arose is a tool to preserve the status quo for their benefit alone.The law does not view repeat offences the same as the first and the law is a guide to the bad side of human nature-be your own judge!
do not fall for the leopard as he wont change his spots
also he cannot commit to you but can commit acts that endanger you? do you need to THINK about this?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Break up with him. You don't need someone like that. What he's doing is not right. Don't get involved with people who obviously lie to you. If he lied once, he'll lie again. Just make a clean break. Find someone better for you. There is someone out there who will be without question the right person for you. Your boyfriend is not that person. If he was, you wouldn't be asking this question.
...............................
|
