A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi there,the kind of man who would be perfect for me simply does not exist, for a lot of reasons. im sure of this.however i am currently with a man who loves me dearly and is wonderful.i just wonder if settling for someone who is lovely but not the one is ever right?thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 I don't believe in "The ONE" I'm about to marry my FOURTH the ONE... hopefully this time I get it right...
a man who loves you dearly and is wonderful may very well be YOUR ONE...
you say there is no perfect man for you.
I doubt there is a perfect person for most of us... but there are things we can and cannot cope with...
what's acceptable to me is not acceptable to my best friend so her husband works for her but not for me... but my husband works for me and not for her...
it's a question of what you are willing to accept as limitations.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): That depends on how much of a dreamer and what your expectations are OP. No one is "the one" that you have dreamt about and built up, no one will ever be that perfect OP.
Agree with Tisha, does this guy know you're only settling for him because he's not Justin Beiber?
Because quite frankly OP I'd be disgusted with a girl who saw me as only worthy of "settling" for. I'm worth more than that as a person, is he?
Perhaps you need to take some time and figure out the difference between reality and fantasy. I don't know you, perhaps your idea of the one is perfectly reasonable but if it really is the movie type whirlwind romantic, with sleek, bronzed toned physique, a glistening smile that melts your soul, eyes that sparkle like the morning dew on a mountain side at sunrise and a square jaw line that could cut cheese into razor thin slices, then you need to take some time to figure out what is important in a real guy.
This guy is obviously not for you though OP, settling is just so wrong and if he really is wonderful then he doesn't deserve to be degraded to such a low level.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 June 2012):
 I don't believe in The One , but I don't believe in settling either.
If you can't see the guy you are with as someone you could spend the rest of your life with... I don't think it's fair on yourself and not fair on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): "The One" is the person you love entirely without judgement, the guy who you could never fathom being apart from, the guy you love entirely, faults and all. "The One" isn't the perfect man, "The One" is your man. Enough said.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (19 June 2012):
 What would make him "the one" if you could design him yourself? I suggest you make a list of the things you truly want in a man, then sit down and make a list of the things you like about this lovely man and see where he falls short. You must determine what is realistic and what is fantasy. Girls frequently set very high standards when considering the "perfect" man, which has been pointed out, to be non-existent. However you may have some very realistic ideas about what's important to you. If indeed your lovely man falls sort of reasonable expectations, you should not marry him. But you can still see him for the time being. Your list may resolve itself over time, or you may later discover the man you truly want to be with. Let the lovely man down easly. Make no promises to him at this time, just be in the moment with him and enjoy what you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): The perfect "one" doesn't exist because no one is ever "perfect". But I do believe you can grow a lot and be very happy if you learn how to compromise and tolerate other people's weaknesses rather than look for perfection.
I'm not sure if you're looking for an impossible ideal or if you just don't really feel keen on the guy you're with. If you think you're doing him a favor or you're waiting for someone better to come along, I'd say you're wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): If you think you could be happier with someone else you probably should not be with them.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 June 2012):
 I personally do not believe in "the one". I believe in falling in love with someone and knowing you could spend the rest of your life with them.
Believing in "the one" forever makes someone second guess their lives and choice in partners. You could be totally in love and ridiculously happy, and that little thing in the back of your head says "Could I have done better" or "is this the one", and like corrosion on a car, it eats away at a wonderful relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 June 2012):
 It depends. Does Mr. Lovely know he isn't quite 'the one' and is okay with it? If he is, great. It not, well, I rather think it is more polite to let Mr. Lovely go and find a girl who thinks he's the best thing ever. Keeping him around because you just want to 'settle' isn't really a very nice thing to do to someone, if you really think about it.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Personally I don't think you ever know who "the one" is until you have experienced life with them. He may be the one for you because he will be what you are looking for later in life. The one can change so often but in the end you have to decide whether it is worth giving him up to search for someone better or realize that what you have is what you want.
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