A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I have come here for advice many times thank you DC for all the wonderful help. Please don't be rude I have seem some mean things. Thank you.I have lately been experimenting in "kinky" sex. I really do enjoy it. I am into masochism and my partner is a Sadism so it works on that. We just kinda stepped up a notch I wanted to know what it would feel like to get smacked. (across the bottom and face etc.) Then during I wanted him to spit on me and everything. During it I loved it, I will not lie. Then i became curious as to the definition of what I enjoy, I read some things that made me uneasy.I understand what I do behind closed doors is my enjoyment. Yet I still feel... unsure. Is it really as wrong as I have read? I mean when my partner and I start doing it we have guidelines and safe words. I feel that we do everything to make sure we don't over step boundaries on both parties. Is it really as bad as I read. I mean obviously there are other people who enjoy the same deal. Just there are some you shame the idea. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDirtball- I do remember reading about that. I still question what I am doing is right. But from you and Miamine. We do keep to guidelines, I want to be safe as much as possibly on the matter. Sometimes I seem a bit strict but I do make sure everything is as safe as can be when needed.
Miamine-Thank you so much, I actually have given thought to that. I took a day or so to see if anything of my past might effect this lifestyle so to say. So far I think I am okay C:
As you stated "Also, it may difficult for you to orgasm without S&M" it truly is. Whenever my partner wants more of the sweet touch, I always try it out. Sadly It doesn't work out so well. But I want to see if maybe I can try what you said with music and art maybe it might help on that note. I am sure it's not as odd as I feel it is.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 Nope baby, it's not wrong, it's just another kink.. You two have been sensible, you have your set roles and your safe words so you are practising S&M wisely...
However there are some problems, that's what came up in your research. People who like S&M have to be careful, sometimes they have been damaged by childhood trauma and abuse and they use S&M to put themselves down. People can hate themselves and use S&M as self punishment. If this is the case for you, it's best for you to think about your past, maybe write it down or use drawing, art or music to heal yourself instead. Counselling will be needed to make you realise that you no longer need to hurt yourself for past pain that was inflicted on you..
That's why you have to be careful with S&M, you can't be totally sure that the activities are undertaken by healthy people rather than damaged ones.. So please go carefully with your psyche (soul) Spitting is at the extreme end of this activity, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little worried...
Also, it may difficult for you to orgasm without S&M, which may cause problems if you need to meet a new partner. It may also not be your current partner's favourite sexual acts, and it may become boring, or they may feel exploited if you don't give them a chance to try love making without the pain and violence..
None of what I say may apply to you, therefore you have no problems, enjoy yourself you naughty girl, I hope he punishes you bad.. lol.. :)
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 August 2010):
 I don't know what you read that made you feel that what you're doing is bad, but it's not. Not at all. If that's your thing, and you've found a partner who can satisfy you, then that is awesome! It should be cherished.
You are doing things correctly. When rough play is involved, make sure to have a safe word. As long as you stay within your predetermined boundries, you are doing nothing wrong.
Just because some people may not agree with what you're doing, doesn't make it wrong. It is only wrong if you don't want it, or it's forced on you. That's the problem that S&M can sometimes have. There are predators out there that will kidnap people and make them their sex slaves. That is wrong. However, if you are both entering into this in a healthy/adult fashion (as you are) then more power to you and have fun!
You are not doing anything wrong. Please do what you enjoy and don't let anyone else tell you that it is wrong to do so. You live in a free country, and as such, you have every right as an adult to do what you will as long as you don't infringe on other people's freedom.
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