A
female
age
30-35,
*im 2010
writes:I don't no weather porn is cheating but every time I find out he is doing it he lies to me and says am inscure but when he promess he wouldt haw does he excpect me to react ????
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): no porn is not cheating but it can get excessive dont hurry yourself to have all the pretty women. and take it one woman girl at a time its like shes bullying you to get you to cut back or stop and get serious with her.perhaps your relationship has stalled somehow.
A
female
reader, spacexoddity +, writes (9 October 2010):
I think the answer the this question is subjective. Obviously, you consider it as cheating, which I can understand. Personally, I wouldn't- if your man isn't in bed with or kissing the lips of another woman, I don't really see the problem. After all, you could just as easily say it's cheating when women look at topless guys in women's mags- it's the same principle.
I think the problem here is the fact that he lies to you about it. That's the issue you should be addressing- because if he can lie about something so simple, who knows what else he could be lying about?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 Female anon, men are not more visual than women. Men have been masturbating since the beginning of our existence and it's only recently that using porn has become the norm. Yes there used to be paintings and such, but they weren't like they are now (widely available, easy, and very realistic) and only wealthy people could get at them. Plus it's debatable whether they were even masturbation aids. Women on average are just as visually stimulated as men, it's scientific fact. So the men are more visual excuse is just a bad excuse with no basis in reality or scientific fact. Yes it is his right to masturbate however he likes. It's also his right to sleep around and do what he wants with who he wants (so long as they consent). But you don't hear people getting all up in arms about asking him to be monogamous, do you? They are both equally ridiculous to do if you really think about it, but we do it because it makes life easier on everyone (men get jealous too, and so by pledging his monogamy in exchange for hers, no one has to feel angry and jealous).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): Excuse me, what? I'm a woman who masturbates plenty, and my fiance knows about it. Guess what? He doesn't care. Most guys really REALLY don't. Why? Because masturbation is more the norm in the male world. They might feel like they need to amp up their game so you don't HAVE to masturbate... But in most cases, no, you getting off on your own will not offend them like it's offending you.
And men are naturally more visual than women-- women enjoy concepts which is why they like smutty novels and things that leave your imagination open.. And they like to visualize scenarios and stuff to get off. Men are VISUAL. They cannot usually just "think" about something, they need to LOOK at something. So if he just wants to masturbate, which is his right, and he can't do it without visual stimulation, who are you to say he can't have that? Unless you want to make lots of dirty pictures and crazy pornos for him to get his jollies off on, then it isn't right to expect him to never masturbate.
And that person who said you are taking a "virtual" lover is ridiculous. You aren't imagining yourself having sex with anybody, you're WATCHING people have sex with eachother. The brain does not register it as "Sex". As a matter of fact, many men don't even find the women attractive, they are just in it to watch the act so they can get off. I mean have you seen those women? They nasty.
Also, I do not think it is due to "insecurity" that women have an issue with porn. I think it is because they need to get over themselves. You honestly think you are sooo awesome that you can totally control someone's sexual desires and capabilities? I mean what if he has a huuuuge fetish for, say, feet or anal sex, something you heavily dislike. He CANNOT get that satisfaction from you. So should he just live without just because you said so? I mean I agree if you enter a relationship where you both agree no porn and he goes for it that it's wrong... But really.
The problem is women don't understand the difference between male and female sexuality. You expect men to be the same way you do- when you masturbate, you imagine people doing things to YOU. When men masturbate, they just want to see sexual things happening to somebody.. Or maybe even just something sexually provocative. They don't imagine doing anything with anyone. Just seeing it gets them off. Men and women are VERY different sexually...
And I hate watching porn. My fiance hates watching porn. But I'm not going to get all high and mighty about it and tell people what they can and can't do.
I mean really. I don't see the big deal. Men don't get off the same way you do. That's why they like to watch faces during sex, look at your body, etc.. And why women generally close their eyes. Men get off from seeing and feeling, women get off on thinking and feeling. Generally speaking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Every couple comes into a relationship with a set of values. I know a heap of couples who do not partake in porn and I know many who do enjoy it. But, sometimes with a couple, their individual values don't match up and that is where relationships get into a heap of trouble. If you feel it is cheating or offensive or makes you feel unworthy, then it's not important to have us Aunts on this website, validate or confirm to you, who is right or who is wrong. The whole point, is you both plainly have different views on porn in this relationship. And that what he is doing is making you feel devalued, then re-evaluate this relationship and ask yourself, if it's the right one for you. Do something to make yourself happy.
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female
reader, misfitschik66  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 my man did put a ring on my finger and he does watch porn but i don't care because i watch porn too
it goes both ways..the thing is my fiance doesn't lie to me about it
some woman think it is ok to watch porn and some are not ok with it
you seem to be one of those girls who don't like there man watching porn
tell him he is disrespeting you and if he doesn't stop then maybe you should rethink this relationship
good luck!
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female
reader, Kim 2010 +, writes (1 October 2010):
Kim 2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPorn is cheating because it is seeking lust and hurts when I fund out he would feel the same if I/any women who is in a realation ship started to use sex toys and watch men on the tv/pc/phone it would hurt men just the same as women it's disrespecting ur realitionship and if you say you love the person and put a ring on their finger just fing haw would you feel
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 No. It can be many things, but it can't be classed as cheating.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 October 2010):
If you discuss something and ask to not include it in your relationship and your partner agrees and then does something, then it is cheating. If you both agree it's OK to have sex with other people, then having sex with other people is not cheating. If you both agree to not flirt with other people and one flirts with someone else, then that could be cheating. If you have talked and both agreed to not use porn and one of you uses porn, then he/she is cheating. You're not alone if you think porn is cheating, a majority of women don't want porn in their relationships.
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female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (1 October 2010):
if you are ok with him watching it tell him you are ok with him watching it and he has no need to lie
if you don't want him watching it and you have told him you don't want him watching it that's why is he lying
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female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (1 October 2010):
porn is not cheating cheating is when you go out looking for sex and actually doing it with someone else
when you watch porn those woman/men on those videos are not physically touching your spouse your spouse is touching themselves not those woman..they don't have any contact with another body what so ever
my fiance watches porn so he get himself worked up to be better in the bedroom for me not those people on the video
and whatever makes him up his game is fine by me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Porn isnt cheating and i dont know why theres such a fuss over it. He`s lying because he knows how you will react. I dont mind if my partner watches it,why should i? They are acting.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): It really depends on your personal views.
I believe that if you can do something in front of someone, ie: your partner .. then you arnt cheating.
If you have to hide something from someone, IE: your partner, then you are.
Anything you have to hide from your partner, do behind there back, lie about ... is cheating. The only exemption is if its a surprise for the other person, then the hiding has a greater purpose.
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male
reader, fordyboy +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Personally i dont think porn is cheating, it's just his way of seeing something he likes harmlessly. However if it bothers you tell him. there are 2 options. watch it with him and perhaps allow yourselves to get carried awway, after all one thing leads to another!! or suggesst that if he loses the porn perhaps you could spend more time toghether!!
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