A
male
age
51-59,
*ames115
writes:I have been in a relationship for over two years with a girl who recently said she needs some space to think about things and to think about if she can be romantically attatched to me again. She admittedly believes that we had an incredible sex life and I agree.She also has repeatedly said that we can get thru the rough times and it will make us stronger.The quick back story is that she is admittedly very moody and sometimes downright nuts. But, the good outweighs the bad. She had a rough childhood, her mom had a drug problem which killed her and it was very tough on her.She often thinks the world is out to get her...constantly says it's great to be me...when something bad happens.Now, I was no angel in the relationship either.It became verbally and physically abusive, on both sides, a few times.I began to drink heavilly for a while and she began to take pills more often... a recipe for disaster.She wanted to try things from a distance for a while but we've recently had more in person contact. Just not intimate.Even when she gets angry about the past, the next day or two she will hold me tight and tell me it will be OK hopefully. I went through a neediness stage for a while, but I've since cooled that off. I've changed a lot of things for the better and have been showing her.She still has bad memories that shes working through from the past and says she needs some space. Then when I leave she cries.She calls every day, but she's cut off any romantic part of the relationship but assures me she doesnt even entertain the thought of sex or involvement with anyone else. She just needs time.A lot of mixed signals...on one side she acts very affectionate and loving, at the same time she asserts the space issue.Is this doomed? We do have an unusually strong bond, but I don't know whether to give up on this or if she really just wants time to truly sort things out in her mind so that we can be better together. She says she notices the work im doing on myself but she still seems very moody and troubled.But... she keeps in constant contact.
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male
reader, james115 +, writes (14 June 2009):
james115 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your input. It's such a confusing time and I've never been in this situation. I will keep checking back to see if anone else has been through this or has additional thoughts.
I'm simply confused that she, as a friend of mine put it, want's space, doesn't know about a physical relationship because of past issues yet she continues to call every day. Many times the calls are quite sweet.
A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 You need to move on. There are a lot of reasons why you should do this but you already know them. Look at it this way, can you see yourself having kids with her and giving her the responsibility of bringing them up. Can she provide a stable loving relationship with the love and support they need and will she be there when they need her or will she let you all down and mess up all your lives. I only use this analogy to help make the point.I think you need to move on.
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A
male
reader, james115 +, writes (13 June 2009):
james115 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOur sex life is/was great and she, even as recent as last night, made sure to assure me that she's not involved with anyone else. She is not prone to jumping in the sack because she feels severely self conscious about her body.
I kind of believe her on the sex thing. She's even said, sex is not what she needs and if she did need it right now it would be with me because no one turns her on. She was quite sexually repressed before me.
There is damager on both sides of this relationship,thats why I wonder if time will heal the wounds. She says shes working towards that just as I am....I just dont know
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (13 June 2009):
 She is an addict, she is selfish, she knows nothing else. You are trying to ask us if you can fix her.
You cant.
You were abusive..you have your own substance abuse problems...this relationship is toxic
and as far as that "Space" and "distance" without being intimate???
Get your head out of the sand.
She is most likley having sex with someone else. She is keeping you on the back burner in case her new penis she is getting does not work out. You are her emotional relationship. She has found a physical one that does not include you. Thats obvious.
Take it from me. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. 8 years sober.
She needs help that you cant give her. And you need to be able to live your life withgout enabling her and take care of your own issues. In all honesty, the best thing you can do to show her that you love her is to let her go. She is of no use to anyone in her state. Unless she gets help, you have no future with her
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