| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My wife and I have been married for 6 years and we have a 2 year old. We use to have sex quite often, but not anymore. I know that things change when you have a kid, but we used to have sex 5 times a week, now it's once every 5-6 months if we are lucky. She doesn't act like she's attracted to me anymore. Whenever I try to initiate anything, the first thing she says is "I'm tired. Quit touching me." Nothing I do seems to be enough. I clean the house for her, I watch our child when she's at work during the day (I'm un-employed currently), I buy her flowers, I cook for her, but it's never enough. Is she done with me? Does it sound like it's over? Or is this normal?
View related questions:
at work, flowers Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): No, this isn't normal.All that you are saying indicates a deep rooted problem in the relationship, and it may have nothing to do with you.Get a good counselor, be prepared to talk openly about sex, rejection, fear, childhood, sex abuse if there ever was any, drugs, alcohol, etc.And talk, because if you don't the marriage will end...one way or another.
A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 No, that's not normal at all. It could be she's depressed or it may be something else. Did this start after you lost your job or after you had the child? It may be something to do with those things. Counselling may be the best option.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): The lack of frequency isn't as alarming as the indifference to you as a person. I would be more worried about that. But it does seem you are in a terrible rut...may be permanent. You need to get to counseling and uncover the problems and truths. But be prepared to leave the marriage...this is not normal, and the fact it has veered so far off course is not a good sign.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Damn pal. This sounds rough. Okay she might be depressed and overwhelmed with a child in your lives now as that can take a serious toll with changing life. More responsibility and also more items on the daily check list. You do a fantastic job it sounds of carrying the load around the house... perhaps sit her down and ask her what her feelings are these days about the marriage. For example, "I feel disappointed you dont want to help with some things in our marriage, what is on your mind sweetie? I want us to work through this."
Definitely dont accuse her of anything as that will spark an argument. Perhaps her comment about her touching you comes from a lack of confidence in her own body and has nothing to do with you. Maybe after a giving birth she feels unattractive? Definitely open some communication here and hopefully things work out. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Cheating? Post natal depresion? Seek councelling
...............................
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (15 April 2011):
How does she treat you, in other ways? It could be that the sex side of things is a problem but she does still love you. Like you say, sex frequency does change, but it does seemed to have changed a bit too much.
The only way you can move on from this is by communicating better. I would try not to approach it like "why aren't you having sex" as she will get defensive but try and figure out whats wrong indirectly.. and then approach it once you have a bit of dialogue going.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): this is not normal.
you have become her slave.
if she does not want if from you, she is getting it elsewhere.
so plse investigate this.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Hon, there is something wrong in your marriage, and needs to be sorted out. I do suggest you sit down with her and ask her how she is feeling about the marriage and you, and would she be prepared to go to counselling with you.
It might be a possibility that she is exhausted after a days work but also finds that coming home to you is boring as you are not as stimulating as being with her colleagues. I am not saying she is having an affair its just, well, your marriage is in a rut and nothing is stimulating it.
I do remember the days when I stayed at home looking after the children and when my hb got home there was really nothing to talk about - he didnt want to talk about work, and he certainly didnt want to know how many diapers I had changed during the day!
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 There's no way this is 'normal'. Yes things change once the kids come along, and yes unemployment puts a strain on things. But sex twice in a year? Not when your in your 20s. "Quit touching me" is an enormous red flag.
She may indeed be done with you. And you need to find out if that's the case. Start by seeing a marriage counsellor on your own.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Having sex twice a year at your age is not a functioning marriage. She is either out of love with you or else there is something else causing her severe problems.
...............................
A
male
reader, macdubh712  +, writes (15 April 2011):
It sounds to me like some sort of depression. Depression can numb your emotions. But, have you noticed any other signs? Like, does she get strange phone calls or does she go out with her friends a little too often? You have to keep the worst in mind. I think you should try talking to her, and don't take "no." Get her to talk to you about what is going on with her, what she is thinking, what she is feeling, whatever. Talk to her.
...............................
|
