A
male
age
,
*nots
writes:My wife is reluctant to have sex with me, however when she travels the first thing she packs is her sex toy. She used to love having sex with me, or anyone else, but now it is just all about the toy.How do i get interested in sex with me again?
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male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 This is one of those questions where there may be a huge amount of different answers, depending upon our own experiences.
One of the most common complaints on this site is 'my husband/boyfriend likes to watch porn, rather than have sex with me'.
There are a huge disparity of answers, ranging from the male responses like 'get used to it', or 'accept it, because that is what men do' to the 'female' responses like 'I feel cheated', or 'he has abused my trust' and 'he promised not to do it again, but he has'.
Women often feel like their spouse has cheated, looking at another female to become sexually aroused.
Porn stars tend to be men with amazing muscles and monster sized penises, while the women are surgically enhanced, heavily made up actresses, but are still perceived as a threat to sexual happiness amongst those who post here.
In this case, the threat is a sex toy. A silicone, rubber, or plastic device that probably vibrates, and is shaped like a phallus. The threat isn't what it is, the threat is what it DOES. To the average fragile male ego, this threat is massive.
But why?
Sex is a very personal thing, thats why every answer here is different. Your wife feels that needs her sextoy. Have you asked her why? Have you asked yourself is there is more that you can do during sex? I always make sure that my partner comes first, always have done. Oral, clitoral, vaginal stimulation, whatever it takes, however long it takes. SHE has to come first. I'm a patient chap.
It sounds like she is reluctant to have sex with you because maybe you do not spend enough time on her, or make some sex sessions about her needs only. The toy just does a job, and requires nothing in return. She can enjoy the feel of the toy, get lost in her own sexual world of fantasy, and have no consideration for you. This is not what she wants to do, but she chooses to because it is easier than confronting you and facing some tricky questions about how your sex life arrived at this point in the first place.
You and your wife need to talk honestly and openly. Ask her to incorporate the toy in your sex life. Hopefully she will allow you watch what she does, and how she does it. Maybe she will let you use the toy on her, if you want to. Soon the toy will be seen as an addition, instead of a threat to your sexual activity.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): I'm in the same boat. I have started to enjoy solo sex than sex with my bf. After not having my daily sexual needs met, I started focusing on myself than hoping for sex. Its at the point where I know my body alot more and end up with very enjoyable orgasms...more so than those during sex with my boyfriend who can't seem to make it fully through one of my orgasms without cumming. It takes less energy too and anyone can be in my little fantasy.
Weird I know. Perhaps she is having similar issues.
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