A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been apart since 2003/2004. He started using drugs/alcohol and abondoned his family in 2004. He has caused nothing but pain and anguish... but I did try to stick it out because of my wedding vows and our child. Over the years, I have grown feelings for one of his good friends (he has known since grade school). The reason divorce papers havent been signed yet is because of other legal issues that we have at the time. I have told my husband that divorce papers are on the way. Ive also told him over the last 2 years that I do not feel for him like I used to. I have had feelings developing for his friend for several years now, but only recently told his friend. He was receptive to me telling him and now we want to be together but the friend just cant see himself telling my soon to be ex that he wants to be with me. Its so hard to do...what now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLonelyTwo - You said in your comment: "So this is why your soon to be ex is in a tail spin, using drugs, because you want hanky panky with his best friend? Disgraceful!"
I believe that this statement was not constructive on your part. First off, you assumed that I told my husband this and it is why he is using...Addicts use because they want to, not for any other reason, he himself will tell you that. I never said I have told my husband anything. Second...your statement was rude. I really wanted to get constructive answers through this site, and some have offered great advice. They are giving their opinions not statements against something that was obviously misunderstood. Thanks for your emails trying to explain, and I do understand that you are trying to give a males point of view, but you are still misunderstanding and though I joined the site to get advice/opinions, and Im sure there will be some that I dislike...Im only human, I will just choose to ignore yours. Thanks anyway!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): whatever the lenght of your relationship is , the fact remains the same. he is STILL your husband (soon to be ex) friend. that is all that matters. this is not only a touch subject , it is a hurtful, painful one as well. i think this man is aware of it therefore he is now hesitant. you on the other hand seem to be ever ready to move forward. bottom line: you and this man will do as you please but have the decency to tell your ex first before you both get caught with both hands in the cookie jar or worse still in bed. you seem adament that you want this man, well with it comes the consequences and even the gossip and the shame and the guilt (maybe on his part, not yours?) whatever the case be prepared that your sexual actions will definately have consequences. there are millions of men out there, you pick the very one to put your hb down. deliberate?? i really don't know. some lines should never be crossed. just my thoughts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll - just a bit more information...I have not had sex with this man. We have talked on the phone and went to dinner one night. Thats It! We are not, not thinking about others here. We know it is a touchy situation. I appreciate some people's answers; however, those who are so quick to judge without knowing all the facts and the last 10 years of history...that should be hard to do. This man is not someone that I saw alot or was real involved in our life together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): seems like you purposefully choose your soon to be ex friend as your new sex mate. i know that you do not cae about your ex at least his friend has some morals and is worried about his friends reaction. no matter what anyone says you will do it anywhay, i just hope this new guy does not live to regret it - after all throwing away years of friendship just because of some sexual gratification. i hope this friend decides to choose wisely. makes you think doesn't it..........me thinks you just want to rub salt in your ex wounds. the worse thing anyone can do is move on with a sibling, close family member or friend. just cuts so damn deep.
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (19 January 2010):
 I agree with pinktopaz, please wait until everything is legally said and done, and that you are divorced. Also you would need to make sure that you did have your life straightened out, its best not to rush into a relationship. Especially due to your child and how he/she may feel about their parents splitting up. It can be very difficult. I know you probably have feelings for you ex's friend because he's been there for you through all this mess, but keep in mind there are "other fish in the sea" and that it probably would cause more drama and conflict. Just try to wait until you have finalized the divorce and straightened your life back out, then see where you stand. Best wishes and good luck to you and your child.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (19 January 2010):
I'm really not trying to be mean here, but how come out of the millions of men on this earth you want to be with your soon-to-be exhusband's childhood friend? You know this is going to cause even more drama after everything is said and done. You're not even divorced yet, I think it's best to focus on getting your life back together as well as your children's rather than trying to jump right back into a relationship with someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Your husband abandoned you for drugs and alcohol and you're worried about his feelings? Neither you or his friend should feel guilty, your ex is the guilty pary in this picture. Yes, it will probably cause ill-feeling, but it's worth it for long-term happiness.
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