A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you tell a guy you've been with for 3 months you're pregnant?So i've been with this really amazing guy for 3 months now and i'm 19 about to be 20. We have only slept together 5 times and I'm on birth control which is the crazy part. I took a test today because I'm 6 days late but not having any symptoms and it was positive (i took two just to be sure) and another crazy thing is that i already have a one year old daughter with another guy and i have his name tattooed on me and he doesn't even know that which is another thing i need to help on how to tell him. I'm super stressed super super scared and I don't want people to think i'm some huge slut which i shouldn't care what people think but people talk and it hurts. I'm having the baby becuase i do not believe in abortion and i couldn't give the baby up for adoption just because i could never do that. I think this is honestly the hardest thing i have every had to deal with.Please any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): i have been in this situation just a few months ago myself.i was going out with my now boyfriend for 3 to 4 months when i discovered i was pregnant.i didn't know what to do, im just 19 and i kept thinking of how people would react. ie. my parents/ neighbours/ family/ friends etc. would they all think i slept around?but the truth is, you need to forget about them.its you and the babys wellbeing you need to worry about. you say you already have one child, thats amazing congratulations. im sure she fills your life with love now. i was too scared to tell my boyfriend about the baby, which i unfortunately miscarried. he was with me when i miscarried and didn't know what was happening. thats what scared him more, the fact that i couldn't face telling him. he felt i didn't trust him to tell him.his words exactly were "you think i was just guna run off and leave you both? do you not trust me to look after you? even if we eventually didn't work out down the line, i'd still be here for our child. i'm not a monster." the fact is you need to just tell him out straight.sit him down and tell him once and for all.if it does scare him off or anything then he wasn't worth it in the first place and at least you will have another bundle of joy in your life in your new child.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay well maybe i wasn't clear enough. He knows that I have a one year old. and to askoldersister... NO I DID NOT DO THIS ON PURPOSE!! I'm a ver strong independent person NO ONE helps me with my daughter I work to support her and myself first of all and I bust my butt doing what I can to make sure she has a great life, and I don't get child support either because I don't want a single dime from a dead beat p.o.s who isn't gonna be there to support OUR child I was with him for three years because he beat the shit out of me and I was too afraid to do anything about it he told me I couldn't leave him and after I had my daughter thats when I got the hell out of that realationship it was hard and took a lot of time and money but I was looking out for my child!! So you should probly ask questions and get the facts before you start trashing me. That is one thing that really ticks me off. I thought this was supposed to be an advice site? I know that I have to say "I'm pregnant" thats not what I was asking. And yes we have had sex five times and no I was not naked I had it covered up for the obvious reason that I did not want him to see it I was planning on getting it covered up. No it's not a false alarm and it's insulting that you say that DNA tests should be done? I'M NOT A SLUT I DON'T JUST SLEEP AROUND WITH MULTIPLE GUYS!!! I'm gonna be 20 and besides this new guy I've had sex with the father of my child and that is it. I was shocked at myself for sleeping with him a lot sooner than I would have but I did and I can't take it back. and just for the record being a single mom is tough and has it's days but having my daughter is the most amazing blessing and I don't regret her or having her at all.
Even if he does run oh well I'll have to deal with that when that time comes even though i really don't think he is that type of guy he talks about having a family all the time and yes i may have only known him for a short time but the child that is growing inside of me is alive and deserves to have a life so I will be having this baby no question about it. Yes i want a meaningful realationship I want a family I want to be happy but if that means being a single mom and having my two kids and rasing them by myself then that is what I have to do becasue my children will have a great life no matter what. I do not get help from the government and I do not ask for help from anyone I do everything 100% by myself and do what I can.
Yes I believe I rushed into something I wasn't ready for as far as having sex with him, but it isn't only my fault. He chose to have sex with me and chose to do so without a condom and of course me being on birth control figured I was safe and he knows I take my birth control because I have the most annoying ringtone set as a reminder on my phone and I take it every day at the same time. But everything happens for a reason and god will give me what I can handle and I know I can handle this. God blessed me with another child and hopefully this guy will be here for me and his child that is all I can hope for. Hopefully we can get really close over these next 9 months and figure out what we're going to do and it will end up well that is all I can do.
I'm glad I came on this website for advice because I really feel like I was just attacked thanks for making me feel better thats awesome!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): You must be completely honest with him. Lay everything out on the table, and hope for the best. If you do any differently, it will no doubt cause problems in the long run. If the father is not a p.o.s. he will at least help support the child. Your main focus right now should be not worrying about things that are beyond your control. Just take some time to chill out and realize that you are strong enough to overcome any obstacle, so long as you are willing to put in the effort. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 January 2010):
Just make sure when you tell him you act very shocked. If you are beaming he might suspect you did it on purpose. Tell him about your 1 year old daughter but don't mention the baby's father just yet. Only the pregnancy and the one year old. Tell him then say you're in shock so you would like the day to give you and him time to think of the next step then you talk to him again the next day. Expecting him to come up with a plan immediately after learning that he will be a father can be too much of a shock. All the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): So I had been in a similar situation with a guy I had juststarted dating. he had a 1 year old daughter and when I found out I was just as shocked. I first didn't know what to do. I was about to graduate from college and had my whole life ahead of me. He did not live in the same area as me, so I called him and asked him if was available to talk. I wish I had done this in person, but I felt I needed to tell him sooner than later. He was shocked at first, because it wasn't planned and we had used protection. He had to hang up and call me again because he needed to think some things over. He called me back within 5 minutes and asked me what I had planned on doing and I told him I wasn't sure. You're already to the point where you know what you want, which is great. I let this guy play around with my emotions and I was busy trying to please him and what he wanted. I was going to go through with it, but I decided that I couldn't do this, and didn't want to d this without anyone. My parents were a big help for me and this situation and they fully supported my decision. I never thought I would have made this decision but it was the right one. As for telling the guy, do it face to face and make sure that you get to say everything you want to say before he says anything. Tell him what youwant to do and what you hope to expect for him to do. After all it takes 2 people to make a baby. Explain to him that you are just as shocked as he will be. If he doesn't want anything to do with it, you're better off, and there will always be friends and family there for you. Its not all on your sholders, so don't feel that you have to carry all the burden, even though you feel it. Hope some of this helped, and remember sometimes the best thing to do is to talk to someone you trust and know won't lie to you.
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A
female
reader, ntt +, writes (19 January 2010):
First of all you are not a slut, a girl of 19 with a child shows how strong of a person you are. Maybe you are making the wrong decisions in life? Is this guy really that amazing? After all you only know him for 3 months.. do you think you are ready to give birth to his child? Abortion may not seem morally right, far from it. But if you don't even know how to tell him that you are pregnant how do you expect to actually go through the whole process. Ask yourself what is it that YOU want in life. Don't you think that you deserve, a meaningful relationship, one in which your partner will 100% be there whatever that situation..
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