A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First i want to start by saying that setting boundaries in relationships has always been confusing for me. Some background info on my gradualRelationship with my sister.. She's always gotten mad at her boyfriends for being friendly with me. Me and her get along pretty well but there's always been that part of us and her boyfriend right now doesn't even say hello to me when we're around each other. They recently got into a big arguement that was aired all over facebook, they're both trashing their house and acting crazy. The guy I've been seeing the past month or so keeps messenging her everytime he feels like talking about me to someone and yesterday she showed up to my house ranting about her fight with her guy and my guy straight offered to move her into his house. I'm kinda upset about it and he doesn't get where it's an issue. Dispite that he's on his way to help her haul furniture today. I trust my sister isn't a hoe but i feel like they're crossing boundaries they wouldn't like if i crossed. Am i being irrational
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2018): First of all, your boyfriend shouldn't be discussing your personal-relationship with, of all people, your own sister. She can't even deal with her own man; what's she got to do with yours? Since when did she become Dear Abby for relationships; when she carries her man's balls around in her purse.
Lines are being crossed all over the place. She's got a boyfriend; whom she doesn't want talking to you, yet she's chatting behind your back with yours. SERIOUSLY?!!
(1) Your boyfriend is inviting your sister to move in, but not you. DUMP HIM! You're obviously having problems; and the person to discuss your relationship problems is...with YOU!
(2) Your sister is the queen of hypocrites. She makes sure you don't get too chummy with the men she's dating; but she's moving-in with the man you're seeing. Uhm...how does her boyfriend feel about that? Apparently something happened in the past regarding you a boyfriend that she never got out of her system; or somehow she believes you're the prettier sister. That's a gem! Will women ever stop comparing themselves to other women?
This is a bunch of teenage after-school TV-drama bullsh*t, among a group of 30 or 40-somethings; and it's getting out of hand. This is the stuff reality-shows are made of!
Save your sister the trouble of muzzling her boyfriends and just don't bother talking to them more than a friendly greeting. Establish a better line of communication with your own boyfriends; and there will be no worries.
You need a sit-down "sister to sister" discussion to get an understanding between you two. You both have some unresolved business that you've swept under the rug; and never just got it out in the open and finished it. Just some childish tit-for-tat; that probably goes on year after year.
She's caught-up in her jealousy and rivalry; and she is causing unnecessary dissension. Yes, you will have to give-up a guy who runs behind your back to tattle to your sister like a little bitch. If he can't talk to you; then you're both incompatible, and wasting each-others time.
That guy has already crossed lines that he can't uncross. He insulted you by suggesting he'd move your sister in. That is the most disrespectful thing he can either say or do; because his intent is to cause friction and division between two family-members. Anyone who would be that vindictive is capable of just about anything. How could you trust him?
I don't really think your sister is a person to be reasoned with when men are involved. She seems very insecure. There is obviously a strong element of sibling-rivalry between you. You say you get along. Really?!!
Sometimes there are things to be said that you can't actually communicate to people with a brick wall-mentallity. They make their rules; and the hell with anybody else. There's a way around them. That is a heartfelt letter and an olive branch. Not some nasty poison-pen letter; I mean a well-thought written composition; explaining the issues and how they are causing a lot of drama and opposition between you, due to MEN. These men will leave you both, and you'll remain sisters for life.
Grow-up and get your sister-act together. Long after these men are gone and with other women; you and your sister have the rest of your lives together. Do you have to spend it like so many other dysfunctional-families? Hating each other, not speaking, distant, and sour grapes over stupid drama!!!
By the way, what kind of an asshat are your dating??? If he treats you like this, sis just walked into a hot pile of poo-poo! Just a matter of time before she's carrying his testicles around in her purse, I guess! This is odd.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2018): It says you are in your 30s, yet the way your boyfriend and sister are acting seems like they are in their teens! Too much drama and immaturity in all of your lives! I would distance myself from all of this and most certainly break up with this boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 June 2018):
 Why are you still with this guy? If he is complaining to your sister about you after only a month of dating, this does not sound like a relationship with any future.
In your shoes I would tell him to sling his hook and leave him and your sister to do whatever they want.
To be honest, the whole situation sounds too crazy for words. I understand that you usually get on ok with your sister but, in your shoes, I would distance myself a bit from her. At your age you don't need to be living in each other's pockets.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2018):
 I think both YOUR guy and YOUR sister ARE crossing boundaries here but my guess is they will both play it off as like it's the most normal thing to do.
You have only been dating for a month. HE shouldn't be talking ABOUT you with her or anyone else - he should talk to you (or if he has a close friend, then said friend- NOT your sister). That's just creepy.
Him offering to move her into HIS place? WTF? No. It's ABSOLUTELY not his place to offer her a roof over her head.
I'm not sure why you are dating a guy who is THIS concerned about your sister and so little concerned with how it makes you feel.
And OP, while I get setting boundaries can be hard, some boundaries we all kind of PRESUME that we don't have to say out loud, like NO you do not talk to the sister of the woman you have been dating for a month, about the woman you are dating... I'm might be off my rocker but that would be a deal breaker for me.
Your sister seem to have the attitude of "what is mine is mine, but what is yours is sort of mine too."
This has so much drama written all over. Both your relationship with your sister and this new BF of yours.
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