A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 and my boyfriend is 27. We got into a relationship pretty fast. I expressed how not having sex until marriage was important to me but after a month he talked me into it. We have went out a lot and he says things like this relationship is new so I don't want to hurt you or your feelings, when I bring up things he doesn't want to talk about. He likes to have things his way which is fine with me because sometimes he will compromise but I'm not hard to get along with. Neither of us have kids but he has been talking about having them. Even suggested we get a pregnancy test for when the time comes. I'm just wondering if this relationship is healthy enough to continue.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2017): No marital-commitment, no kids! Put a ring on it, then follow-through at the alter!
Nothing is more stupid, impetuous, and unthinkable than letting some jive-dude talk you into having kids; when he won't even commit to being a good boyfriend! Let alone being a husband or father!!!
"I love you" don't mean jack, unless you're willing to man-up and forsake all others for the mother of your children. Willing to offer your last-name, full-birthrights to your offspring, life-long commitment to your partner, and the legal documentation to back it all up!
Being a good boyfriend is when to where to judge a man.
Screw all this new-age do-as-you-choose/fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants bullsh*t! Popping-out babies with absentee-fathers who took flight; and leaving no rights to inheritance without undergoing a DNA test! Denying boys a mentor and male-participation in his childhood-development; and depriving girls of a positive and real male role-model to judge manhood by.
They stick around as long as their kids are infants or toddlers; but get restless as they grow. Then lose sexual-attraction for you once they've added extra pounds and stole your best years. Totally oblivious to your struggle to support and take care of the kid/s he left behind.
Single-mothers outnumber married-mothers! Letting men off the hook far too easily. No paper, and he can take-off anytime he wants. Leaving it up to you to prove he's the kid/s biological-father; and trading you in for a new model when he's tired of using the same old vagina.
A man owes his kids more than just his DNA! How about the woman who gave him her body to make them in? They deserve better than that! So many sperm-donors and too few dads!
Think I'll make that a bumper-sticker!
You've described enough red-flags to keep you on birth-control and using super-enforced extra-strength condoms.
If you want to be a dad, be a husband first! Prove what you're made of as a man! Then you've proven your true capacity to be committed to someone you love; and ready to have and support your family. If it takes the rest of your life to do so!
Don't have a child for a man who doesn't consider you his equal; or wouldn't consider exchanging his freedom for using your womb!
Did I scare you! Sorry, that wasn't the point. I wanted to educate and empower you! As a dad would and should!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 April 2017):
 I have to agree, if you are ASKING the question it's because there are things that FEEL off.
You are dating a guy who is 7 years older and MAYBE he is ready for kids, that doesn't mean YOU are or that you should even consider having kids WITH him. Not now, not ever.
If sex AFTER marriage was important to you why didn't you stand your ground? He might have ended it with you but that might have been better. When someone DOES NOT respect our standards and boundaries we need to pay attention. I think YOU rather date him than tell him, no sex til marriage, means no sex. But that is really water under the bridge.
However, ID he could talk you into having sex so soon I can see him talking you into having a baby (whether you want one now or whether you are actually ready for one) and that isn't a good thing.
You don't write how long you have been together but I guess it's not long.
Don't start having babies with a guy you don't know yet will stick around and a guy who doesn't really respect your wishes and boundaries. Make sure you are on birth control and maybe consider talking to your mom about this guy?
My guess is you two are having unprotected sex, you don't know his sexual history, nor do you know if he has any STD/STI... you are putting yourself at risk by being such an "innocent bystander" in your own life.
YOU are 20, not 12. Time to take responsibility for your life, OP. Starting with birth control and THIS guy. You need to learn to say NO if you don't WANT to do things or have kids RIGHT now. What is the hurry anyways?
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (24 April 2017):
 If you need to ask this question then youre clearly not ready for it.
Sounds like you're doing what he wants to do.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 April 2017):
 You dont sound comfortable. And you dont sound like you are able to stand your ground with him. I dont see how you can blame him for talking you into something. Either you say no and you mean it, or you did not mean it. How long have you been dating? If you feel things are moving too fast, then slow it down. You have a responsibility for yourself. Dont push that responsibility over on him, just because he is older.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (24 April 2017):
 If you ever have to ask this question, then you know it's not healthy.
You're young and naive; he's older, controlling and manipulative and looking to get you pregnant so that you have no way out.
Get out of it please. I'm not sure how easy it's going to be for you but please be strong, take your family and friends into confidence and just block this man from your life. He's dangerous and very bad news
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2017): Girl, you need to decide what *you* want in life. Do not go with whatever he says. Two people should enter into a relationship as equal partners. If he cannot respect your values now, how much will he later when you utterly depend on him to help raise a child?
Dump him immediately and find someone who will honor and cherish you and has similar values that you do.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (23 April 2017):
 I do hope you are using reliable contraception and that you will not allow your boyfriend to railroad you into getting pregnant until you are ready to take such a big step. I do worry that, as you allowed him to talk you into having sex after such a short time (considering your beliefs), you will also allow him to talk you into getting pregnant.
If you feel it necessary to ask if this is a healthy relationship, then your gut instinct is obviously warning you something is not right. Trust your gut instinct.
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