A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When I have sex, I typically have no physical interest in sex again for at least half a day. And if I do try to have sex at that time, arousal is difficult unless my wife is wearing something particularly arousing. Also, the orgasm takes more time to achieve, and doesn't feel as good as if I had waited for 1-2 days. There is the potential at this time that I could lose the erection while having sex. For an ideal orgasm sensually, I really need to wait 2 days. Does anyone else have this long of a refractory period/experience or am I probably an outlier? I've been this way for as long as I can remember - at least since my early 20s - it hasn't gotten better or worse. But it's disconcerting to know that if my wife wants to have sex less than 2 days after the previous session, there's the chance that I could "go soft".
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erection, orgasm, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 Same for me. And i'm your age.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 October 2011):
 C. Grant.. they do make the lovely testosterone patch. my dad had one for a while... I think his girlfriend liked it.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 olderthandirt: thanks for that, you're just a friggin ray of sunshine. ;)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 With age comes lower testosterone levels which (sadly) equals dimished "recharge times",drive and response. Life's a beach and then we die. Wait untill 60+ you won't even bother asking the question.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 October 2011):
 That's very normal, especially at your age. You're still virile and healthy! And believe it or not, there are many guys who will purposely refrain from all sex and masturbation for days in order to heighten the orgasm. That practice is called "edging".
Your wife sounds healthy too! Remember, the penis is only one of a good solid arsenal of ways to pleasure her. While you're "reloading", so to speak, I'm quite sure your fingers and tongue (or any other tools) are up for the task, so if your penis goes soft, you've got backup!
My husband always says that he needs a good night's sleep and a good breakfast after a wonderful night. So don't worry! You're healthy!
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A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (13 October 2011):
The refractory period for my husband has been slowly yet steadily increasing for the last several years, he's 46. In our late 20's and early 30's we often had sex daily, sometimes more than once but it seems that once the 40's hit that has occured less and less often. We now have a running joke that we did it yesterday so we'll leave each other alone for a day at least because of the same issues that you're having. I have even gotten good at eyeballing his scrotum for fullness which has been an indicator for him as to whether or not he's capible of arousal, maintaining an erection and ejaculaton. This is a normal progression as men age since males tend to produce less testosterone as they age. If this change in your refractory period is sudden, you may need to have your testosterone levels checked. If the change has been more subtle it's probubly just the new and evolving normal you and your wife needs to get adjusted to and it's not the end of the world. My husband and I are past the age now that frequency and quantity is a goal, rather than the quality of our intimate moments. We've settled well into more sensual routine since we are only at each other every couple of days rather than every day. Our frequency may have suffered with age but the quality has improoved and increased in our advancing years.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (13 October 2011):
I don't think I've ever discussed it with other guys, so I have no idea what the norms are with this. For me the period has become longer with age. At 18 it was essentially nil, by my late 20s it varied from maybe 15 minutes to an hour, depending upon the circumstances, and now in my late 40s it's probably a day. If it's been the same for you for years, then it's what's normal for you, and not something to be concerned about.
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A
female
reader, NennaHB  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 No, it is not unusual to wait 2 days before having good sex again. However, if you feel the need to satisfy your woman more often or if she asks for it, you could offer a good and prolonged oral stimulation, which I am sure will make her think about the hot sex happening the next day.I have been with a man who was less than 30 and we had to wait 2-3 days before having GOOD sex again. And later in my life - with a man who was 50 and we performed 3 numbers with less than 15 minutes in between. And very good sex. Of course, this was his birthday present and we didn't have that much sex every time.My point is every individual is different and as long as you and your wife are both happy with your sex life, nothing else matters.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 Actually this is quite a common problem amongst men. So no it is not unusual at all. Off course all males are different and perform differently. But your answer is no it is not uncommon. Believe it or not having sex every second or third day is a very healthy sex life, so just enjoy it and try not to be negative about it. Try not to worry am sure your wife is satisfied with everything plus foreplay is always good even if there is no sex involved.
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