A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner is very forgretful. He puts his phone down and forgets where and says he cant find it.Then he pushes up the stress by indirectly accusing me or someone else of taking it.Then he gets aggressive and abusive to me, telling me I get on his nerves and he has nothing to hide and I must have taken his phone or other lost item.He has done this countless times.Now I'm wondering if he has accidently lost his phone or cards or wallet or if he hides these beforehand because he is looking for a fight? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 September 2016):
 You don't mention how long you both have been together, but at this moment it sounds toxic. I really think you need to get out of this relationship before this progresses worse. He is showing signs of abuse, and that will only get worse over time. He wants to be in control so he blames you for everything.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2016): Hmmm, how old is your boyfriend? I'm wondering if there is anything physiological underlying his forgetfulness and aggressive behavior. Forgetting wallets and phones often seems a bit off. If he's about the same age range as you've given, and if it's excessive, it doesn't seem normal.
How is his other behavior towards you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 September 2016):
 Impossible to say.
Have you tried to call his phone from your phone and see if it rings?
IF you have and nothing rings, I'd walk away from him. Leave the house if you have to, after telling him you have no desire to take his phone and if he can't stop accusing you, you are not going to stand around and take it.
It sounds like a pretty toxic relationship.
Could it be that he HAS something to hide and that is why he is so on the offensive?
Obviously, he wants a fight if this happens often. Is that really someone you want to be with?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2016): HiThis is a documented abusive tactic. 'Losing' things and blaming you, or hiding things of yours and putting them back into clear view when you're at the end of your tether trying to find the item. The intent is to make you start doubting yourself. He is also not behaving rationally which is a very big flag. Your instincts are right, he is doing this to anger you and manipulate you. He may well have something to hide and it's a pretty clever way to make sure you never touch his phone.If you suspect him of doing this on purpose, which I would say is the case, then I would advise you to read books about abuse. What he's doing is emotional and mental abuse. Forewarned is forearmed and if you stay with him, I would say you're going to need this information, so you understand what you're dealing with here.Good luck x
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A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus  +, writes (24 September 2016):
 I wouldn't know if he is doing it on purpose, it certainly sounds like gaslighting, very dangerous behaviour. Gaslighting often times involves constant false accusations, blow hot and cold on a person, sudden mood changes that and refusing to give any reasons for the sudden changes but constantly hinting that it is your fault they are so miserable although you don't see yourself doing anything obvious or apparent that would affect their mood like that.
But it could also be an underlying issue, Either way abusing a love one mentally and physically is a sign of very bad things to come. I is the alcohol dependant? have you seeing any changes in his behaviours? or has he always being like this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2016): He could be doing it on purpose, but he might not be.
No matter what way you look at it, if the relationship is abusive, you need to ask yourself why you're with him.
As a woman who finally escaped her abuser, I suggest you find a way out. My abuser would accuse me of misplacing his stuff, too, but I found out later that he was purposely picking fights to control me and get me to bend to his will. Not a good situation to be in.
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