A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey! First of all thanks in advance for any questions!I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and 7 months. No breaks or anything in between. We generally have the most amazing relationship. We have everything in common, I find him so interesting, out conversation lasts for hours, we are both quite creative and help each other work on that, we make music together etc. We do a lot of things together too, we travel and have little weekend breaks. Basically, if I was single and wrote down on a piece of paper exactly what I want my guy to be like, do etc, it's him.So, why have I been wishing I was single lately? :(We have been in a long distance relationship for three years. I went to Uni so we lived an hour train apart, and then he went to Uni and it was two hours, now he's back at home and it's an hour again. In my first year of Uni he came up to see me quite a lot, I came to see him and it was fair, but in my second he didn't make as much effort at me, as he didn't have as much money, so that upset me, and now he's working it's equal, but he works monday to friday, so we only have two days a week we can see each other and we both have stuff going on so it's harder.I am going into my final year at University, I really want to do well and focus but feel like it's going to be hard whilst I'm studying. Also we were arguing a lot before we last went away and I blurted out we should go on a break which I regret, because now every time we argue he thinks I'm going to break up with him, so I feel like when I'm super busy in Uni it's going to bother him. (Which I agree is my fault, we were just at each other and I didn't know what to do, thought a break was the answer but I realise now it's not.)Since I've had these thoughts. I can't help but day dream over what it would be like to be single. I have never been single. I have always had a relationship, and never had time to myself. I am day dreaming about the whole beginning of meeting someone where it's all butterflies, and being in my final year and meeting someone, texting them for a few weeks having some fun but not having a commitment of a relationship where you have to put so much into, as I'm in my final year and want to focus on that and myself!Also, my boyfriend has never had another relationship. I'm 22 and he's 25. I was his first relationship but I was with another two people before that. I sometimes worry that he's not had other relationships and experience and what if one day he wants to see what's it like with another woman?I know this can't happen, but in my perfect world, because I do love and respect him so much still, we would break up, I would finish my final year and give it all I can and land myself a good job in the city, and if I have a bit of fun on the way like meeting a few guys (never done this before) just for fun!, and if he works on himself and also meets girls and has fun. Then in a year or 8/9 months etc, if we both miss and still love each other, we take the experiences we have had and get back together and have a better relationship!!!Haha, and I know all that can't happen, it's just what I wish. It's not like I'm like, he has to stay single and wait and I can go have fun. It's not about that. I care about him and respect him. I just worry that these feelings I'm having might destroy us in the future.What if i resent him if I don't do well in Uni because I'm coming home to see him twice a month? And what if I look back, and my whole Uni experience I was in a relationship and didn't experience what other people do? And what if he feels the same?Really need some advice as I'm so stuck. I love him still..... but if I'm having these feelings and day dreaming about being single, is it fair on him or me? Or is it a case of... the grass is greener? And I could break up with him, go on a few dates for fun try to 'find myself' and realise that we have so much in common and he's amazing and that I've potentially lost the love of my life?Thank you!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2016):
 I think you have made the right choice, let us know how you get on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for the answers! Yes that's true about both missing out on freedom, once we argued and he said something like 'yeah well in the past it worried me because you're the only girl I've ever been with and I worried what if in the future that made me feel weird, or that I don't have enough experience'So it's always dablled on my mind that he feels the same way. But I think I'm more open, I just say everything (which isn't always a good thing!). When I brought all this up once he was so fair, he basically said I need to do what I need to do... but that almost made me just love him more because it made me feel like it isn't obsession it's love, and if you really love someone you let them do what they need to do.Very confused! Very all of the place. I'm not the sort of girl to get with loads of guys, one amazing guy is worth a million one night stands. I think it's more about myself, but there is the element of seeing some of my friends living their twenties being available every weekend, going out, new adventures, meeting people! And sometimes I just wish I had met him a bit later on in life, so I could have all these experiences, grow as a person and then be with him. I have had four relationships, (two when I was younger and not as serious) but cheated on by two, and I think I brought a lot of bad thoughts into this relationship. I don't think I was ready.And I just wish I had given myself some single time to learn to love myself again before I got in this serious one!Thank you all for your answers.I'm going home to see him this weekend. I'll see how it goes, and maybe suggest a break from each other. If he doesn't think that's fair we'll have to break up. But I might suggest meeting again in a few months after no contact to see how each other's doing. And maybe get back togetehr or stay as friends!Thanks!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (26 September 2016):
It sounds like you are ready to let go. Ending a relationship is never easy, but if you are already thinking about you and him getting with other people then you are already at a stage where you want out. I know it is hard because you love him, but you need to listen to what you are telling yourself. This year is a busy year for you, I think you need to focus on yourself. So yes it probably is best that you both take a break from each other, you need to do it with no contact and see how it goes. If it is meant to be you will see how much you miss him, if it is not then you carry on living your life for yourself. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2016): HiThis is going to be a gamble whichever way you play it. But the thing is, if you're thinking like this, then I would say it's already over. Someone who's crazy about their partner and in love with them, would be devastated I think, if their partner went out and made love to others. And wouldn't have the desire to be with others. Sounds like you've outgrown him, but still have fondness and familiarity and fears of the future if you don't find someone as good as him. Sounds to me also as if you don't have a choice other than to find out what the future holds without him. As you say it's not fair on him either. You never know, people sometimes find their way back to each other, but if I were you, I'd let him go and get on with making your daydreams a reality. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus +, writes (24 September 2016):
 That is the stress of having so much on your plate right now! you have a lot going on and the last year in Uni can be extremely stressful.
However the uncertainty will not go away, you have being committed most of your young years ( I can relate ) you have saved yourself a lot of headaches in all honesty ! but at the same time I am pretty sure you both feel like you have missed out on some of the freedom. very normal.
maybe whilst you are away you guys should try to take a 3 month break. Try it, see how long you can go without messaging each other, try to stay away from one another and give each other some space. this might reinforce your relationship either way it is worth trying.
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