A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My mom hasn't cooked dinner in over three months. If she does, its one day out of the week and the leftovers are expected to tide us over until she next cooks. Since she doesn't grocery shop often enough, I end up buying all my food or just not eating.Lately, she has been constantly on my case about what Ive done all day when she gets home from work as has my father. I have three jobs, but havent gotten any shifts for a week. She interrogates me on my activities of the day, expecting me to have accomplished something. Then she tells my father I haven't done anything.It makes me extremely angry that I have to "report" to her like a child, when I am 19. She is going so far as to make me a List of Things to do everyday so I dont sit around. This is my summer too, and I'd rather not spend it working everyday of my life. Expecially since she can't even pull her own weight in our house.How do I solve this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): Thank you everyone for your answers. I've realized I've been looking at this situation wrong and that my mom has some personal issues she hadn't told us about which stopped her from cooking and doing other things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): I'd like to clarify it is not because my mother doesn't have time to cook, it is because she doesn't want too. She comes home four hours earlier from work then I do, and gets the summers off as well. It is not a matter of time.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Why don't YOU cook for your family ? Why DON'T you go grocery shopping ?
My son is 21 and does it all the time and no, I am not overwhelmed with work.
If you live at home, rent free and bill free, it would be a nice ( and normal ) to say thanks. And even if you scrupolously pay your way for everything... well, can't you just help mom only because she is mom ??
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Adults do not get 'summer breaks'... this is a sad fact of life.
I do feel that you think your parents need to look after you. I live at home, I regularly do the shopping and the cooking, and the vaccuming, cleaning and general household jobs. I do them because they need to be done, not because my mother tells me to do them.
When you are working it sucks to have to come home, cook dinner, and run about after everyone even tho all you want to do is flop out. But that is what being an adult is all about.
I just want to bring your attention to something you wrote:
"My mom hasn't cooked dinner in over three months. If she does, its one day out of the week and the leftovers are expected to tide us over until she next cooks. Since she doesn't grocery shop often enough, I end up buying all my food or just not eating."
1. Your mum hasnt had time to cook. I doubt she expects you to survive on left overs, but maybe she did expect YOU to offer to help cook meals the other nights. Why do YOU expect her to cook every night?
2. She doesnt grocery shop often enough - again, this is probably time constrained. What concerns me is the fact that you say "I end up buying all my food or just not eating" ... so you buy YOUR food, but do you buy anyone elses? Or just yours? Do you do a household shop?
If you are not working, you could easily cook every night.
It really is not that difficult. Plus it would be a nice thing to do for your parents. It would also be the ADULT thing to do. It would also show you are contributing to the household.
You are no longer a child, you are 19 years old! Your Mother does not need to run after you, cook for you, clean for you and pamper you like a baby.
You are now living in a shared house situation, and you need to muck in accordingly.
Get used to it.
Summer vac's are over. Welcome to the real world.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (16 June 2011):
 it really depends on the circumstances in my opinion. since you're american and 19, you've graduated from high school. so my question: are you about to attend college or are you just free loading at this point? if you've graduated high school and are about to attend college, your mom is being slightly invasive, as you're just there for the summer til you can leave and better yourself. if you're not attending college and just living at their home and working, she shouldn't feel obligated to cook for you anymore. you're an adult and making your own money. and they're giving you a place to live. i feel that's your responsibility. honestly, am leaning towards your mom's side.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): I desperately want a summer off, too. But, I work full time and barely make enough money to pay my bills. Count your blessings that you don't have to pay rent, utilities, student loans, car loans, etc. and that mommy and daddy let you live under their roof.
Make helping your mom your job while you aren't getting any shifts -- help around the house, go grocery shopping while she's at work, cook your parents a meal a couple of times a week.
Once you've done the work to maintain a house and feed a family, you'll wish you could be 19 living in your parents house forever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): Aww that sounds really irritating! I'm 18 and can completely see where you are coming from. I feel that my parents still dictate a lot of the things I do, even though I've moved out because of university. I suggest moving away, its one of the best things I've ever done! Also, you could offer to go grocery shopping for your mum provided she cooks (or vice versa, but I know that this is much easier said than done). Good luck, you'll be fine :) x
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (15 June 2011):
 You're not a baby anymore.
Your parents are busy and work. You're 19, you're an adult now. You should know in the real world there is no 'summer'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): Hi
Learn to cook ( lol ) that would be a nice change or even arrange to take them both out for a meal as you do work and get wages no doubt.
Your not been ridiculous however you are taking mum for granted. Do you share the house work ? do you help wash up after a meal? you are a young lady now and no longer a child.
Remember when you have a family one day and you have cooked meals day in and out for 19 years,you may want to have a break.
Don't take mum for granted she has had her day's nursing you, give a little back.
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 June 2011):
 Time to move out?
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (15 June 2011):
Well the way to solve it is, since you are no longer a child, to move out and get your own place. Then you don't have to worry about your mum "pulling her weight" in "our" house.
I would remind you that, although you might happen to live there, it is not "our house" in the sense that it belongs to you in any way. It is your parents' house. You are staying there, and, despite the fact that you are 19, your mum still has to write list of jobs that need doing as you seemingly cannot use your initiative and do them yourself without being asked. As you are living under your parents' roof, and therefore most likely benefiting from greatly reduced living costs compared to having your own place, they therefore get to dictate what happens, and you have to do what they say.
You also claim that you don't like reporting to her as though you are a child, however you then state
"This is my summer too, and I'd rather not spend it working everyday of my life. Expecially since she can't even pull her own weight in our house."
This would lead me to believe that you have the attitude of a 14 year old, so, perhaps it is no wonder your mum feels she has to come up with these lists if this is the sort of thing you find acceptable to use as an "adult" argument. I cannot believe you are criticising your own mother for not pulling her weight- ie. not buying you food or cooking- when she herself also goes out to work. The mind boggles.
At the bottom of this there is a question which I really want to know the answer to:
why, OP, do you expect your mother to grocery shop and cook for you at the age of 19? I am genuinely interested to know the answer to this as it is an attitude which is so different to that which I shared with my brother and sister as we were growing up.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 June 2011):
 interesting
mom works full time
dad works full time
you want your summer off and your whining that mommy is not coming home after her full day at work and startng second shift to cook dinner for you when you are 19??
cook dinner for her dear one.
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