A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Around three months ago, my mother took my iPod and began to snoop on my conversations. She found one where I was having cyber sex with this guy I had met over the internet. She sometimes scolds me and tells me I am failing school (I'm not) because all I do is talk about sex over the internet. Quite frankly, it bothers me because I do have sexual conversations but that's my "sex life". I remember accidentally reading a naughty text she had and not saying anything about it because well it's normal. Today, she was doing something in the computer I have no idea what but found a picture I must have forgotten to delete. It was a photo of..me kissing one of my breasts. Yes, it is disturbing but I was curious as to what it would've looked like. I wasn't going to send it to anyone. People do pretty weird stuff when they are alone. So, now, she randomly comments "and you with your tits and sex talk". I don't know what I feel, it's not embarrassment but I feel bad when she says that. I feel judged. I can be doing any kinds of sexual acts at the age of 16, I am about to be 18 in Nov. Is she going to make those comments forever? I don't want to argue with her on the matter. I want her to stop. She has normal sex. I don't, at least I am not going around being a slut in real life. I meet the guy and I talk to him for months before actually having cyber sex and I actually feel attracted. It's like a long distance relationship. Sigh.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you all for replying and fyi..My mother randomly told my siblings today "Yes, because __ says I bother her..no not bother her..I judge her. Well, news flash, I am going to judge you forever because I love you" and then she walked away.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): I have a 15 year old daughter and I worry a lot more of her than my 16 year old son ad always will. Your mother is worried about you more than she criticizing at this time. I think if you go to her and apologize or what ever you want to call it. She should know at some point you going to explore and I leave it there. Make sure she knows your not having actually sex with anyone and have no plans too. If I would seem that from my child I would be alarmed too. I would go the same path of your mother but we would have a real talk. I hope you and your mother will do the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): I think your mom has good intention in caring about you but its being executed in the wrong way because of bad communication skills, perhaps by both parties. Sit her down and talk to her face to face....maybe even invite her out to dinner so you can explain some things and she can too so you can see her perspective as well. This way you see a big picture of whats going and can then develop a bigger understanding of each other and therefore hopefully as a result youll see that she really does just wanna be a mom who cares, respectfully, about whats goin on in your life.
Kind Regards
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A
female
reader, Natalie:)  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Yep, your mum will probably judge you for at least a vary very long time. The only advice I can offer is make sure you delete photos etc!! Also delete these dirty conversations and try to act like what she is saying isn't even important/bothering you.
She can tell you she thinks it's unsafe or whatever (which it doesn't seem to be) but she shouldnt judge you.
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A
female
reader, Lexxiylove +, writes (20 October 2010):
 I understand what you're are going through. And it sucks honestly. My whole family judges me because of what i've done. My mom still hasn't gotten over it. mostly likely your mom isn't going to stop with the rude comments. It sucks, i know. But maybe next time she starts with the rude comments tell her that you're just about tierd of them. Also address that you don't want to argue or anything. Make things clear to her. my grandma us to judge me too, tell one day i finally stood up for myself. I have a few times to my mom, and shes kinda stopped a bit, and only brings them up when she's angry with me, but other then that she's slowed it down. So, maybe if you confront your mom and address her on your feelings then she'd either stop or slow it down a bit. I also agree with the other answer. she'll never get over the way she sees your sex life. But she might stop just expressing how she feels towards you and your sex life. If any of that make sense i hope i've helped you a bit. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): just make sure she stops finding these things!
Ven wrote a great answer, and all I have to add is that you should make sure you don't leave stuff like that "lying around" in a way for her to find. Yes if you have to delete convos that are cyber sex, or delete interesting photos, then do it, otherwise get a special folder where you can put a lock on it, so that nosey mothers can't find it. That way she can only mock you about the past and eventually get over it.
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A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (20 October 2010):
First off, kudos for not being slutty at your age. There are plenty of people who try and convince us that it's the popular thing for women to do.
The unfortunate truth in your situation is that your mom will most likely never change how she sees you and your "sex" life. There is the fact that most parents struggle for many years to see their children and independent adults, and the fact that you are engaging in sexual acts that she never even considered at your age. What is perfectly normal by our generation's standards is quite different from the norm when our parents were kids. In fact, I would be willing to bet your mom would be less bent out of shape if you were having good old-fashioned sex (not that I'm encouraging that).
Eventually she will get past it. Eventually you will be seriously dating and she really won't have any reason to judge you for how you choose to enjoy yourself. For now... You get to suffer at the hands of your parent just like the rest of us did at your age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Well first, perhaps take a LITTLE better care of your stuff... If you know your mom's going to snoop like that, it is possible to create hidden folders on your computer. I don't own an iPod (would it be an iPhone? considering you're using it to talk to someone) so I can't help you there. That should slightly reduce the amount of potential accidents you will experience.But yeah, she's probably gonna be like that for a while, it's kind of her job as a mom. Every mom ever is like that to some degree, it's part of both wanting you to grow up to be a decent person and being from a time when that sort of thing didn't happen.I would almost suggest talking to her about snooping through your stuff, but that can also lead to looking like you have something to hide, so maybe not. I know it seems like she's being a little harsh, but it's because she loves you, and that's more than some people get.
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