A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been with the guy on an off since I was 17, we are now 40. we shared a house together in 2003 in which we were both in seperate relationships but both did not work out as we wanted to make the relationship work although he still since has lived a single life at the pub most weekends over the last year I have hoped that he would start to drink less and he simply cannot and we are fighting over this, i wlll pack to leave and then he will say sorry i will change but then with the next weekend he is doing the same again. He is blaming me saying that he has always had a pint at the weekends but i realise that but still think its excessive as he drinks fridays saturday and sunday and has driven the car home drunk. He says I pay all the bills work hard all week and want a pint at the weekend my idea is he drinks but not everyweekend but it seems he will not compromise and just says I am single as if to suit him as another time he will say things to suggest we are a couple. I feel like I am in a no win situation wth him and he has blamed me as he has always drunk on the weekends. Sometimes he comes in a 3 in the morning and is so drunk I hurts inside a lot about all this and not sure what I can do
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 I am a recovering alcoholic. No one can say whether someone else is alcoholic, only that person can. You can, however, assume he might have a drinking problem. There are 2 questions he needs to ask himself:
1. When he starts drinking, is it difficult/he does not want to stop?
2. Has he gotten in trouble because of his drinking?
The second one is obviously true as he has problems with you because of his drinking. However, knowing this will not change anything for you. This is something he needs to realize/work with on his own.
Now, regarding you, this is a simple decision. You either decide to stay with him until he (if he ever does) realizes he has a drinking problem and maybe look for help or you move on. Look for ALANON or AA in the Internet. It has good information on alcoholism and relatives and friends of alcoholics. This can help you make an informed decision.
Alcoholism is a sickness (described as obsessive-compulsive) and should be treated as same. However, if the person who suffers it does not want to deal with the possibility of being sick, then there is not much someone else can do about it. Best of lucks!
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