| A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I'm in huge confusion, I don't know what to think. I keep doing the right thing, but my life ,(actually not mine but my family's life) is falling apart.I have such a tragic things with my kids, with all of them, that nobody would believe me.They are all troubled, different ways, and sadly one died, the other is dying from drugs. The third one is also very disturbed. No psychiatrist ever gave a diagnosis, but they are like that 10 years ago. It's like an attack on my loved ones. But also , my investment rental house burned down, and there are other issues,what does not work.My husband has serious sexual problem, he is impotent.Nobody knows why....He was checked out very carefully..BUT NO DOCTORS, PSYCHOLOGISTS COULD SAY, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING OR WHAT TO DO. NO DIAGNOSIS..Please, don't think I'm a negative person, but I clearly dont get it. I see ,people are doing nasty things, and nothing happens to them. I 'm a good person,and my life is destroyed beyond repair. Could I be cursed? I know, I know... It is very stupid, but i haven't got any other explanation, for this destroying force. Can you help,to understand this?
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): Hello, mishmash ,
This is me OP.
Thanks for taking your time, and trying to explain your point.
I appreciate it.
But , I actually never said, I was superstitious originally.
Only that , the pain, I have experienced, in my lifetime left me without any answers.
And yes, I'm also, not religious, so , I have a lots of searching to do , about ,what can you do , when life seems out of control. Believe me, I didn't just let this happen to myself. It was one crazy journey, and I'm not done yet.
My question is to people who never had that much pain, that how can they understand others who does?
Maybe only people with the same experience can. I don't know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): OP, I probably could have phrased my answer a lot better. I'm not judging you, but I was trying to make a point about why it's unproductive and self destructive to go around thinking you're cursed. A curse by definition is a supersitious thing. And like most things in the realm of susperstition, it only has power if you choose to believe in it. The problem with going around believing your whole life is cursed is that you take all the suffering of everyone around you and insist that it points directly to YOU. Now if you choose to believe that you are cursed by an outside force, (a question you originally posed to us) you tend to start believing everyone else's pain is meant to cause you pain. You agree to take all this suffering personally.The second poster demonstrated this mindset pretty well. He/she has suggested that these very bad things are "an attack" against you. My problem with indulging a belief in spiritual warfare, is that it is at the once incredibly narccissistic and totally destructive. Why? If you believe you're being attacked by an outside force, you start to look for evidence of it in people's behavior. And you don't provide enough emotional distance between yourself and these terrible events to deal with them in a proactive way. This is what I mean when I say that people who believe in curses tend to expect the worst out of others.The end result is that you become perpetually defensive and perhaps paranoid. Your reaction to my post might be a good example. I made a general observation about people I'de known, and you took it personally. You insisted I was judging YOU. I should clarify my point, because I think I might have failed to do it the last time. Most of my opinions on this subject come from working closely with a woman of your age who also believed she was cursed. She took every bad event personally. If for instance her children got into trouble, she would just throw up her hands and say she was cursed and this is why her children had gotten into trouble. She wasn't proactive. In fact, when I saw her own children approach her looking for compassion in their own (and sometimes troubled) ways, she couldn't see their need for compassion and acceptance, she would be too busy finding ways to confirm how their failures were inevitable and part of her personal curse. Now obviouisly, your experience is different. Perhaps it's worse. And you're right, I haven't been through it, but I did try to imagine it for a moment. That's why I said "It sounds like you're in a lot of pain and you feel isolated. You're disappointed by your sons and unappreciated by your husband. " I'm sorry if it wasn't enough. But, this is an advice site and part of our approach to these question is giving practical advice, not pity. I wanted to share my philosophy and this is it:I think the most detrimental part of believing you're cursed is that you inevitably neccessitate suffering to sustain that belief. When you do experience suffering yourself or you see it around you, you are less able to confront it honestly, grieve it properly, AND you blind yourself to opportunities to ease it. If you choose to believe all these things have happened because of an outside force, you will prevent yourself from dealing with them properly and be less open to them changing.The question you ask about why there is suffering at all and why bad things happen to good and undeserving people is a MASSIVE question. I don't have the answer. Frankly, I'm not sure anyone here on the internet does. But, I do think finding that answer is in the scope of religous faith and personal belief...not in an advice column. Most major religions don't answer that question, they deflect it. Christians tend to observe it as a test of their loyalty to God. Other religions would say it's the wrong question entirely and your question should be "how do I compose myself and react in the face of suffering?" I think both of these ways of facing suffering are far better than simply believing you're cursed.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): ''You are not cursed. You have been recognised.''
DEAR ANONYMOUS,
Could you please explain, what do you mean on this?
THANKS,
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): ''I've noticed that extremely susperstitious people always ex pected the worst out of everyone around them.''Hello, I never said I was superstitious.I thought I need compassion , not judgment.What would you think, if all this happen to you?How could you explain it to yourself?Can you even imagine , it could happen to you?I think, when people goes trough , what I went through, that is not what they want to hear.Oh big deal...There are millions dying on this world..That is not what YOU would think wnen you get a news that your kid is dead, or that you have 6 month left to live, because you have cancer,Why there is no compassion?I know there isn't , but why?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): You are asking us if it's alright to be superstitious about your whole life? No, it's not right and it's self destructive. I understand why people are superstitious...it gives you a sense of control over an anxious or uncertain part of your life. I'm superstious, but I keep it limited to things like picking certain numbers or having a piece of clothing that I consider lucky. Choosing to live under the assumption that your whole life is a failure is not living, it's giving up on life.It sounds like you're in a lot of pain and you feel isolated. You're disappointed by your sons and unappreciated by your husband. But if you insist that everybody else's life and problems revolve around your suffering, you will become insufferable. I've noticed that extremely susperstitious people always expected the worst out of everyone around them. And they expected the worst out of the people they should love the most like their husband and kids. They used their curse as a way to justify their anger at everyone around them. Choosing to believe you're cursed is defeatist...it's running away from life rather than seeing what you need to do to even attempt to solve your problems. Your sitatious sounds tough, I know why you would be so upset and disappointed with your family, but don't let your disappointment get between you and them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): You used the correct word..."attack", you ARE being attacked....and you named it "destroying force". so It truly has been attacking up to its name. Why me? you asked yourself, and why not to those others who are doing nasty things you say...it is because you Are good- that you are being attacked, in the most 'sinister' of ways, it's called spritual warefare....so your whole family has armegeddon raining all over it..and the loss of your loved one...take a deep breath, and Pray...sincerely show your faith now, and strength will endure. and your changes will come....this life is a struggle but it is meant to be won by All who would do these things....Recognise the day, be no longer distracted by these attacks......Be faithful and believe strong-PRAY! You are not cursed. You have been recognised.
...............................
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (8 April 2011):
Hi - i know its hard when all these bad things happen - I believe myself I'm the unluckiest person I know - traffic lights always seem to turn red as I apporach, my girlfriend has does things thats stops me seeing her, the list goes on and on. I sometimes think its karma because I'm a bad person and need to be punished. But then I tell myself that luck is mostly what you make for yourself, it just takes guts and planning and execution and the seemingly impossible is achievableHope your life improves!
...............................
|
