A
female
age
30-35,
*arah3286
writes:So I've been hanging with this guy for about a month now, we text everyday - I don't have to initiate every contact, he will randomly text me. A few weeks ago we talked about how neither of us were looking for a relationship quite yet, but we didn't really want a one night stand either. We've gone out to bars and clubs together, we've stayed in and watched movies, and he comes and visits me at work. I work in the same complex he lives in, so its not completely out of his way, but he still visits everyday I work. About a week ago we decided to have sex. He still texts me everyday, and this morning before work he stopped by to see if I wanted breakfast, but later when he was visiting he was flirting with an older woman. My one co-worker said that I should be telling him to stop, but its not like we are actually in a relationship. My question comes in where I decided to text him later telling him "not to flirt with other people in front of me, it hurts to see you do that but it's not my place to call you out in public." his response: "We kinda have an agreement, correct?" I knew he was referring to when we discussed what kind of relationship we were or were not looking for. My question is: Did I overreact to him flirting with her? or is it just post-sex nervousness that that is all he wanted? It didn't bother me until my co-worker said something so I got myself confused.
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at work, co-worker, flirt, jealous, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sarah3286 +, writes (16 September 2011):
sarah3286 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for their advice, I didn't bring up the issue again, but he did; we were just watching tv and he turned and looked at me and apologized, at first I was confused but he said that he was sorry he acted like a dick, he just wasn't thinking. So I'm glad he apologized, but I also agree with the advice that maybe I don't need a friend like him in my life, but I can only take this one day at a time and see where is goes.
Thanks again!
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 I agree with both Ciar and CindyCares.
I think the important point here is that it was callous of him to behave that way in front of you, though he does have a right to be with other people, as per your 'agreement'. He has a right to flirt and you have a right to be annoyed that he is doing so in front of you.
You had an agreement not to be exclusive, but you also agreed that neither of you was looking for a one night-stand… which indicates something a little on-going… more like casual dating.
I wouldn't have called him on it. If it were me, I would not have let him know it bothered me and I would distance myself from that kind of person, simply because of the lack of respect flirting with someone in front of me shows. You may not be committed to each other, but you are supposed to be friends and someone disrespectful isn’t the kind of ‘friend’ I need to have in my life.
Since he does know you were put off by it, you could wait and allow him to initiate the next few contacts, always appearing friendly and not appearing to pay him much attention – but not quiet ignoring him either. Do not bring up the issue again. If you insist on allowing a ‘friendship’ to continue, (and I wouldn’t ‘hang out’ with him for a while – be busy), I would keep the friendship out of the bedroom. There are plenty of men out there you can date casually without the expectation of a long-term commitment, who won’t flirt with other women in front of you.
Here is the clincher – if he spent half a second thinking about it, he would know he should not be flirting in front of you or with people close to you. It’s tacky.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Uhm... I think he meant " We kind have an agreement, we are ongoing sex buddies but no committment and no exclusivity,so we can do all we want with other people ".
If this is so, I am afraid technically he's right. I agree with you that flirting with another woman under the nose of the one you are going to bed with is rude and insensitive and he could have spared you that, the problem is that , if he has not got the tact to feel this way on his own, he's not your boyfriend and you can't demand it from him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Your co-worker might have assumed you two were in a relationship. Instead of sex, imagine you and he had simply gone out on a few dates (out to dinner or something). There would be an unspoken understanding that you were both free to go out with others. However it would be in very poor taste for either of you to try to line up those dates right in front of each other. And there are certain people who would be off limits such as friends, family, colleagues or neighbours. From THAT perspective I think you had a right to be a bit annoyed.There are a few reasons why a man (or woman) would declare that they didn't want a relationship. One of the most obvious is they just want sex. Another is to enjoy the perks of a relationship (sex, companionship and security) with the freedom of a bachelor. Some actually do want one, but they just want to take things very slowly. I think your man friends fits into the second category.Sex, like money, muddies the waters. If either one are obviously on the table, you'll never be sure if someone wants you for YOU.
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