A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a strong feeling that my husband is either gay or bi.... 8 months after we have gotten married I found in his email that he posted on craigslist about sex with a guy... Of course I asked him about it and was upset... He told me he didn't act on it and is just curious about it... Now about 6 months ago he replied to another post on craigslist but it showed that he didn't fully submit the reply.. But was going to. Again I asked and he said he never responded to it.. And at the same time I found naked pictures of him !!! That he took of him self with his phone facing the bathroom mirror... He was hard... He also took a couple of him just laying in his bed of just his private area. I asked him about it and he said he was going to send me the pictures but was to afraid to thinking maybe someone will see the pictures...( I didn't believe him when he said that ) He also enjoys anal play with dildos and a strap on during sex....there has been many accessions where we would be having sex and he would ask me if I would enjoy watching him have sex with another guy ?? I asked him in many occaions if he was bi... Just to be honest with me... He said no... That he is just sexually curious what it would be like to be with a guy sexually..... Should all of this be red flags to me ?? I'm sure he has posted and or replied to others... I just caught him twice... I'm starting to really think he is secretly gay. Or is he just curious ?? Any opinions or thought on this I would appreciate. Thank you
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 September 2012):
 you are right to not believe him about the pictures on his phone... sheesh...
he is at minimum bi-curious...
and he is afraid you will leave... so he lies...
tough situation to be in...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 September 2012):
 He is definitely bi or bi-curios. He just doesn't want to you look at him different for it.
That fact that you have caught him twice, doesn't bode well. He will at some point go past his curiosity and actually go out and have sex.
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A
female
reader, Peonysheart +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Unfortunatley theese are all red flags. The toys can go either way to a certain extent. Some men are just curious. But it sounds more like all of this has gotten the best of him. Several men dont act on there feelings and some do. No one can say he is untill he either admits it or you catch the unthinkable. Sounds like you and him need to talk openly about why you think he might be gay. Keep tones calm and encourage him to speak. Showing your support and trust in him might allow him to feel as if he can show his true feelings.
This could all just be him being curious. Approach this subject lightly as you could scare him into not saying a word and hurt his feelings. This is your husband so you need to show him respect and love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): How is it that you didnt catch him out before you got married?? How long have you known him??.He is lying to you. Now you can see the real person. Its up to you if you accept be married with a bisexual man..but if he was honest with you since the beginning of the relationship you would have had the chance of decide about it..now you have discovered that after you married. I wouldn't accept this from my partner never..it is like being married with an unknown!! Think about yourself and your happiness..8 months is not really a long time..
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Hi Anom,
I am afraid all this should indeed be a big red flag. He could be gay or bi-sexual, or simply just curious but the fact that he is willing and still thinking(cos he talking about u watching) of having sex with someone else in your marriage other than you should be your major concern. You should ask him if he would ever be satisfied having sex with just you.
Marriage means different things to different people but if what you want from marriage is love, trust, commitment and faithfulness then he am afraid he isn't acting like the type to provide you with all this.
Big Hug
Kelly
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