A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I often feel that my husband is looking else where for relationship's. He often has female friends that I am sometimes aware of but do not have contact with for one reason or another. In the pass year he has been in a friendship with another women, who he said it was innocent, and then she went syco and started become more sugestive. He supposely back away, but when I confronted her she made some statment I will never know if she rocked his world or not. Another thing happen that he told me about was that my childhood bff came up to him and provided a bj... while they were under the influence. I no longer talk to her.After 20years of a friendship. We have been married for 12 years...10 years ago he was on line communicating with other women, and spending long hours with them, on the internet. Now I am a professional as is he, we have teen age children... I just don't know...He has these friendships with other women taht he can't have with me cause I am anti social as he calls it... but honestly socializing is what I do...Please feel free to tell me whjat do you think.. I think that he is looking else where, that he just isn't happy anymore....
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 My only question is if, in fact he has been cheating on you all of these years, why does he stay married to you?
That seems to be the biggest question here.
It also seems pretty clear that he's been involved in his own marital infidelities, and so it may be time to call him to the mat on this one and find out why he's so interested in other women and ignoring your needs as a woman?
With all that he's done, you seem to be a saint; quite forgiving.
With that said, if you want to keep him in your life as a husband, then you're going to have to find out what it is that is driving him to act out like this.
And, you're going to have to get him to change his behavior towards other women, and, you especially.
If not, you may have to seek out a divorce and now you're free to find a man who will devote himself, heart, mind, body and soul to you. Instead of checking out the competition every chance he gets.
This doesn't sound very good frankly. He lacks a great deal of respect towards you; and I suspect he looks for women to satisfy some other more deep-rooted insecurity or hatred towards women in general.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): I can't believe you have put up with so much - if he has female friends then they should also be friends with you. He has secrets and then gets irritated with you for not liking it. I think you need some more evidence he's a cheat - but if you find he is... would you leave him?
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Isn't it amusing how many people will throw away a 20 year friendship and keep a 12 year marriage when the friend and the husband both did the same thing wrong? I don't judge you for that. So many people would have done exactly the same thing, possibly myself included.
I understand that its easier to lose the friend. You have no children with her and did not build a life with her, but I suppose that is a social commentary meant to get you thinking.
You've been cheated on at least once. That is enough grounds to act on its own, never mind that it lends ammunition to suspect the other "psycho" woman and female "friends" of being less than innocent.
You've only asked if we think he is cheating. You didn't ask for advice on how to handle it. I suppose, to answer that, then I believe he HAS cheated at least once (although I think more than once) and I suspect (based on the information provided only) that he is actively seeking opportunities to cheat.
The second part of your question is do we think he is cheating because he is unhappy? I don’t know if he is unhappy. I do know that some people will cheat anyway, happy with their spouses or not. Assuming I am right, which category do you think he fits into?
Although you didn’t ask, I recommend thinking about things differently. Instead of wondering if he is unhappy, ask yourself what happiness YOU gain from this relationship. Is it worth wondering and doubting yourself (I'm sure you're doing that. We all do that when cheated on) to maintain the status quo? What do YOU want out of this relationship? What would it take to make you happy and help you to feel loved, appreciated, desired and secure within the marriage?
Once you have answered these questions, you may decide to sit down with him. At that point, try to remember that it doesn’t matter if he confesses to cheating on you now or after the blow job he got from your (not-so) good friend. It only matters how his behaviour with other women, his blow job from the “friend” and the comments from the “psycho” woman make you feel.
You have a lot of hard thinking to do. Good luck and take good care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Your best female friend came up to your husband while they were both under the influence, offered him a blow job, and he took it??? What kind of nasty horrible people do you have in your life??? Good Lord, woman! I feel sorry for you. You said you ended it with your "best friend". Well you need to end it with your husband too! And find yourself some decent people to surround your life with! Seriously! This is the only piece of advice that I feel you need!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2009):
The only person who knows what he's up to is him. Sit him down and ask him what he wants from your relationship. If he has cheated (the bj with your chilhood friend and such), then you need to decide whether you want to be with a guy who will treat yoou this way. Talk to him first, if you get no answers, you need to make an important decision. All my best and be brave.
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