A
female
age
41-50,
*arol2583
writes:right its a long story but i need our help, my husband of nearly 3 years (been together over 7) left me on 6th october, he said he needed to do this!right we lost our first child last a year gone may (6 years of trying), we didnt grieve together, he had help i shut mself away, i pushed him out when i felt like it and put him in spare room and took my rings off, i know this was so wrong now and didnt see it at the time, he loved me so much i guess i though he would never leave me, he said i didnt show him enough love and affection and would not talk i controlled him to much over this time (which i agree ) i didnt see what it was doing to him, i was withdrawn and depressed. (i am getting counsilling now). well we had fight the thursay before he left , he had been out drinking with friends said he would be home by 11:30 and didnt turn up till 2 no contact, (he was driving so not drunk) hover he had once drunk and drove before, i was totally stressed out and very angry by the time he got in, i said things that should never of been said and also made him sleep in spare room, the next day he spoke to my friend was hurt and saying how much he loved me, weekend we made love 3 times but things still tence from me, anyway he went back to work on the monday we spoke when he got home, i asked if he told his work mates he said yes,, when i asked what they said he said one said he would leave me, i asked him what he said and he said no because i love her, he did say he was not happy and we spoke about they ivf we were due to have i said maybe we should not cos if you not happy and i didnt know before i might not know if we go for it, he said he wanted it and i would know(he dont hide feelings and i know he was happy till that argument on the thursday). and way on the wednesday he come home and said he was leaving and got his stuff and went. i tried to call text him loads, after a while he just said i was pushing him away, he said he would call me the friday, so i wrote him obsessive letters, he called the friday we arranged to meet the sunday, when we met we held hands kissed and he touched me up said he loved me i said sorry and explained to him i understand what i did wrong he told me he would come home just not that day, i said i thought he would come without his ring on and end it, he said i did take it off but it didnt feel right, he then came back for a drink befoe he left, my son was in but going out he got hold of him and told him he would come back just not today but withing week. i had give him the letters he promised he would let me know they were ok but didnt, i had booked marriage guidence for us both for the tuesday he said he would meet me there, a hour before we were ment to be there he text and said he was not going and i should respect his disission. i wanted answers so called text lots after a while he just text saying it was over. wel basically i hounded him for the few weeks turned up at his work the day after, his manager told him he had to leave and talk to me, he came here and just said it was over he went to take pets, i cracked and walked out he called police straight away told them i nearly callopsed and they looked for me for 6 hours, i was walking. well since then and in the 9 weeks he now says he does not love me and there is no hope to much has happened, but still has my picture in wallet, and gets upset and says its cos he can see me hurting, i spoke to him today and told him i still loves him and i always would, we spoke a bit and he said he happy in his own house and been alone, but we spoke about bits and i just get the feeling he still angry and hurt at how i treated him (please dont have a go at me i am sorry enough,he brought up the fact about sleeping in spare roon, he also said he only told me he did love me when he left because its what i wanted to hear, but later said it was because he was confused he also treated me badly sometimes by checking up on me and othere things, this all happened after losing baby. i still see hope but need advice or am i just holding onto nothing.he always worshipped the ground i walked on and adored been around me, right uptill he left you could see the love in his eyes it was not just words
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 I'm so sorry that you are hurting Hunnie. What can I say that will change things? Nothing. You can't change him, you can only change yourself. That much is true. You can't make other people love you. You can't change the past. There are times when things are so painful that they break apart and can't be repaired. “If you love something set it free; if it returns its yours forever, if not it was never meant to be.”
YOU need time alone now; time to repair yourself; time to grieve your losses and time to understand all of this and heal. Keep up with your appointments for both your Therapist and your Doctor. Good Luck Dear.
A
female
reader, carol2583 +, writes (9 December 2010):
carol2583 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut how can i show him this when he keeps saying there is no us, i have now had to go to doctors and be put onto medication, i tried to get myself through this but could not. do i withdraw contact or do i show him i love him. i am so confused with all the advice it hurts because i dont know what to do
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): You love him, he may change, he is looking for love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I do feel for you as you seem in total disarray. Your long story is littered with drama and you must be exhausted with it all, while still trying to cling on to a relationship which sounds dead. He says he loves you but it is probably for what you have been in his life and not the here and now. You really have to let go. Sad I know.
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A
female
reader, carol2583 +, writes (8 December 2010):
carol2583 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, i cant let go of him i love him so much, i dont actully believe what he is telling me is true, he says one thing then another and i just feel he is confused and needs his time apart, its killing me, i did sent him letter last monday saying i could not have contact, but he still called yesterday about a letter for insurance, i then messed up and called hi back and asked if he would meet me so he can give me answers so i can move on, now i not sure if its a good idea. i really cant be friends with him i am hurting so much, but also scared he will think i dont care if i cut him out, he still gives me money each month and pays my internet and phone here.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (8 December 2010):
It sounds like this has been a very dramatic ending to your relationship.
I think that you should be trying to build an new life far away from these memories that just trigger a lot of pain. If you know in your heart and your head from the experiences that you have shared that this is truly the end; You need to gather up all of your strength and accept this as the end of your relationship. Pick yourself up; dust yourself off and start all over again.
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