A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend broke up with me for another guy, we were together 5 months. When we met we had this major connection between us, alot of chemistry, something that i never felt before with another person and i felt that from her cause she had tryed things with me that she never had tryed with another one else. But when we dicided to start a relationship i kinda backed off due to me being insecure about my past situations with other girlfriends. I was cheated on and i was afraid to get hurt again. Most of the time i was myself and we had great times together but other times i start holding myself back saying things i regret telling her. i was being hard and tough on her. Time would fly and we couldnt beleive this was happeneing. she was Glowing and always happy when we wre together. just when i held back she felt bad and asked me to please not be like that. I said please understand im just affraid to apoint that we had an arguement about stupid things i told her ok let break up which i regret to this day. i was insecure and i wanted to know if she would fight for me. Before us she was devorced for 6 months. she was married for three years and was to a guy she didnt really like but she felt secure with him. they had a child together which is now 3 years old. At first i had a hard time bonding with him as it was my first girlfriend with a child. He liked me and showed good things as i noticed and she noticed. example is when the boy would met some people he would show he didnt like them. It came to a point he was calling me dad and was happy to see me but i would always hold back as i didnt no how to treat him, either as a soon or just as a child.. i was confused and didnt no how to deal with the situation to the point that i told her that he was a spoilt child. i began to tell her to do things in certain ways so that she could gain control of him. she would get abit upset and i realized that ya i shouldnt be like this as its her child and not mine. She was a person that had alot of hard things to deal with, which i saw wasnt very easy for her. she was in a middel of a divorce, where her ex didnt help her with money for the child, his school would be 300euros a month and rent would come two 200 then there was bills and food to pay. that was hard to deal with when your on a based salary of 700. At the same time she was sharing a room with her son and sister as they couldnt afford to pay the full amount of rent and they rented there extra room out to a girl they didnt no, so that was already hard to deal with. Her job was also giving her a hard time as her boss was to hard on her for the most stupid reasons. jealousy and so forth. My point of this is that she was already under alot of pressure. Now with me in the middle of all this she would talk to me about her problems and i would tell her look you should maybe do this or try this and not worry about things, basically support her but she didnt like it. she began having problems with her sister and i kinda told her sister off and he didnt like that. once i was in there house and her sister sat down in and she was facing me and my girlfriend noticed that we could see her underwear. she got annoyed and told her sister off and they started arguing and me stupidly got in the way and said that you should get made she in her house she can be the way she wants right? well i realised again that i was wrong to go against her... she asked me to leave and i went aswell annoyed. she got upset. kinda made things hard for us. Over sometime she started talking to this guy she knew from a few years ago, she told me about him but didnt tell me they were talking. i was told that they were talking by her sister and not by her. From what i understand they were talking about our relationship how things were.i was told that he was telling her that i wasnt the right guy for her and so on...basically telling me i wasnt the right guy. We argued again over something stupid and i broke up with her. she asked are you sure i was like yes because i wanted to be with her as it was friday night and she told me that we couldnt be together tonight as she had to wakeup early in the morning to go work. i was annoyed that she said that cause i would take her to work in the monring no problem i had done before. after a day or so we spoke again and i asked to get back together and that we should just fix things. she told me that i should change my actions and that there are guys that would like to be with her. i said yes i know and i was sorry for my actions. we made up and things seemed alright for a week or so till we things got abi strange and we argued again and broke up. day after she told me what if i said i like antoher guy? i kinda flipped ad i asked are you cheatting on me and she said no but she seemed to have attractions to him. she had admitted me that this was the problem and i kinda begged to try for us again. i had told her that i have understoud things to a point that i should be a better person to her and open up. told her all the things i did wrong and what i realized. she gave us a chance again but it wasnt the same she would get messages sometimes and her mood would change. When we were together it would be great but she was always on mood swings and she said that she wanted space and time to think cause she was confused about what was going on. I kinda understoud her point but i was at the stage of wanting to try hard to make things work that she was at the point of giving up. We went through this for a month as it was ment to be the chance that she was giving us, i understoud that she was still in contact with this guy. a day came by when she had a major argument with her sister and bascially toke it out on me that day and i didnt say anything but just toke it in and she came back saying sorry that it wasnt my fault. that night she told me that she wanted to break up, that she didnt like what she was doing to me by talking to him and she said she also was giving him hope. i dont no what they been talking about.... so i was in a situation where i didnt no what to do. i just wanted to make things work out. She broke up with me after buying that gift and she went out with him and that was it. she was saying that she was sorry that we are not for each other and that she liked this guy.they have been meeting up with each other for a week and a few days now and i ive been texting her to talk and try and work things out. Said she was suffering with this situation and that she didnt like that i was getting hurt because of her. she was saying sorry all the time and she said she knows its hard and that maybe we were not ment to be.... I was heart broken and was trying to see what i could do to maybe make things work. i was told after that he has been saying why do i go on trying to talk to her when she doesnt want to. he was not happy with the situation as he was thinking already that if they got into an argument that she would come back to me. i begain to think that he kinda made her change her mind about her feelings for me.Im asking myself what should i do? do i have a chance to make things work between us again? i feel that he has tricked her. He was already married and with 2 kids how is he going to be there for her all the time? when i was there for her all the time. We were crazy about each other to the point that she was wanting to say that she loved me and planned future things for us such as moving into a flat together and travelling. Things where amazing when i was myself with her just when i wasnt it wasnt pleasent for her and she new that i was holding back. i feel she gave up. she said to be that she would really like to be friends and i said it would be hard for me as my feelings were strong for her. i Feel that im truely in love with her and that she still has feelings for me. My question is does she love this guy or just like him? shes going from a relationship with me to another with him. does that work? what should i do to get her back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, advisorX  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I believe it is very difficult to be with someone whom you do not like, and if she really enjoys your company she will be longing for you. You had your chance but you ruined it. We guys shouldnt show our girlfriends that we pissed off coz thats not cool. Because if we get angry we resort to arguing which is not good. If she really loves you she will return to you. But as of now it will be better to give her some space. Just make sure that she knows that you still love her, after that try to stay away from her until you fell better, but if she wants to talk to you go ahead and talk to her. Show her youre hoping that she will be happy to whatever she wanted to be with.
in case she would return, try to think back where it all went wrong and promise yourself never to do the same mistake again.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Sorry....
She likes this guy a lot. She wants to be with this man, she believes he can make her and her child happy. You are too difficult to be with. You have too many issues, you are still growing and finding your way. It's impossible for her to depend on you. She does not love you and you give her headache. Even if she and this man are not happy and do not work out, she will not come back to you. When you are in her life there are too many arguments, things are too hard, it's too difficult to be with you.
Forget this woman. She does not love you.
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