A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out my husband cheated on me through the casual encounters section of craigslist. He met with three people. The first was a transsexual prostitute, he paid for this person to give him oral sex. The second person he met with was a man. He performed oral sex on them and then they performed anal sex on him. The man was aggressive and my husband agreed to that beforehand. The third was another transsexual. He said they tried to kiss him but he pushed them away 'because he didnt want to smell like perfume'. He told me that he is not gay but likes anal sex and thought this was the only way to get it. When he was younger he allowed a transsexual to give him oral sex and this made him curious whether he would like anal sex. He also told me that when he was a child he was molested by a man who did all of these things to him and that he found it pleasurable. He said that he needed to answer the question whether he was bi or not and decided he wasnt, although he did not stop answering ads on craigslist until he was caught. Shortly after the third encounter he rushed to marry me and get me pregnant. Since then I have caught him watching shemale porn, as well as straight porn, and females with strapons. He is contantly asking me to perform anal sex on him with my vibrator, which i have done once, or fingers, which i have done several times. He has asked me to be aggressive like the man was and 'punish him'.He insists that he is not bisexual or gay, that he just likes the feeling. Before I found all of this out, he never asked me to do these things (I would have), and seemed to be pretty homophobic. I thought we had a very good, healthy sex life before all of this and he seems to enjoy straight sex with me, althought while he was doing these things he would get upset with me for wanting sex too often. Help!Is he bisexual???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2013): Yes, he appears bi-sexual. Many men are like that but are like gays, are often closeted, as some friends, wife's, girlfriends may not understand, nor
Tolerate the existence of 'Bi's, etc.
If you both use protective sex implements, you should be safe from STD/STI' s.
let him explore his sexual life, if you can't.......bad luck. :) :) :)
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (16 March 2013):
IS he bisexual? Possibly, or maybe bicurious, or straight with a fetish or two especially for anal sex.
But what’s important is not what label you give to his sexual orientation, it’s the one thing you do know: he’s a cheat!
Whilst the molestation he experienced as a child is awful, is it really relevant? If he’s doing this because he’s psychologically damaged by it then he needs to accept the damage he will do to his marriage and seek professional help. If, however, he is cheating because he wants it and because he can’t accept that a healthy sex life involves compromises (e.g. not acting out a fantasy you’re not comfortable with),, then your relationship’s in pretty big trouble. Can you ignore it and hope it will go away? Probably not, it clearly upsets you and the one thing he doesn’t seem to have done is acknowledge any sorrow or remorse for what he’s done.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): Frankly I think you would be better off without him. He is trouble. Why should you mess up your life with him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): He's very kinky and freaky. He has cheated on your marriage, and your only concern is whether he's bisexual? He has sexual encounters with strangers with the potential to infect you with HIV or any number of STD's, and you're wondering whether he is "bisexual???"I can confirm that he is a cheat. He likes oral and anal sex.He likes oral and anal sex from people other than you. He likes transsexual females. He likes chicks with .....!!!He likes sex with men. What do YOU conclude from all this? I also suspect that he'd rather be single and pursuing his wildest pleasures. I highly doubt that he has or will stop pursuing sex outside of your marriage, whether you strapped one on or not.It's great that you are so willing, forgiving, and understanding. Even if YOU were a gay man, I doubt that you would put up with his philandering.I'm a gay man, I'd personally kick him to the curb. I'm not judging the type of sex he likes; nor am I judging you for wanting to please him. I just wonder how much your "marriage" can endure. He doesn't seem to care about your feelings. He definitely seems homosexual. All the odds are in his favor.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 March 2013):
He sounds 100% straight to me!
Look, whatever his sexual orientation is, it probably can't be neatly labeled. "Tranny liking strap-on loving want to be dominated don't care who does it" doesn't have the ring that 'bisexual' does.
He's obviously not comfortable with his sexuality, and he'll most likely be "confused" for years to come. I hope you're an understanding woman.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 March 2013):
 Well, he's certainly willing to cheat on you. I would say that a man having sexual encounters with other men isn't strictly heterosexual, as the definition of that word reads.
Your husband has some history which sounds as though he was sexually abused. That may be leading to the current behavior, which is actively cheating on you with random men or transexuals.
I would go to this site for help: http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php as well as looking on this page, which is the straight spouse open forum: http://www.voy.com/86426/
He's NOT 100% heterosexual, if that is your main concern.
For your own health, don't have unprotected sex with him until you have both been tested for HIV and other STDs.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (15 March 2013):
 If you think about it you've stated that he was molested as a child by a man but that he found it pleasureable. I don't think it's the fact he is bisexual i think it's the fact that his past made him this curious and he was probably asking the man to be forceful because that's how he remembered it when he was molested. Maybe this is a way of him punishing himself? For being molested so young and actually enjoying the feeling. I don't think that there is anything wrong with him enjoying doing these things but he needs to know that he isn't a bad person because he wanted to try these things and enjoys these things people always like to experiment with sexual natures.Maybe he needs to talk to a counsellor to get this image of him being bad for enjoying something different because it seems to be having an effect on him maybe he feels he is bisexual because he enjoys the anal and the firmness of someone telling him what to do and to be punished by then compensating it with you but i think he's just afraid because he enjoyed it when he was younger and that he still enjoys it now it almost seems like he's actually punishing himself.
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