A
male
age
30-35,
*ic
writes:hey once again my girl friend quit smoking about 6 months back when we started dating because i convinced her to and i explaind that its a dirty habit and anything any one could think bad about smoking i told her but now its been half a year and im always thinking about her smoking again and i always get the feeling she is. today i had an interview with toy r us and she was no where to be found after so i called her to ask where she is because she was waiting for me and she said she was with a friend that worked across the mall so i asked o ok where are you but she would ask me where am i when ever i asked so she wouldnt give me a strait answer like she was hiding something from me so i asked what are you guys doing out side and she paused and said her friend was smoking so i said ok ill meet you there and i hung up and now im getting the feeling she did smoke i dont know why this is happening to me please help thx Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Dude... its a cigarette, not the end of the world. She's a grown up, she can make her own life decisions. She obviously wouldnt tell you if she smoked because clearly you get really worked up about it so honestly I cant blame her if she lied. She wants a boyfriend, not a father.
Quiting is hard and unless you've been a regular smoker you wouldnt understand, so dont judge her, dont nag her and I'm sure if she is smoking again then she'll start being honest about it with you.
Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Well it is certainly a good thing you explained to her the dangers of smoking. I mean, it's not like the negative effects of smoking is plastered all over cigarette packages in Canada (with graphic pictures), or her doctor's office walls or television... If you hadn’t educated her and convinced her to quit (nagged her relentlessly), she may NEVER have known!
(Takes a puff of a cigarette.)
People find quitting HARD. You have to WANT to do it or you will FAIL. Now, you should be accepting her for what she is and not trying to change her into your ideal mould.
Sit her down and tell her (without nagging, accusations or arguments) ONCE that you would like it if she quit smoking because it is much healthier, but you are not going to force her to quit or even mention it again. You certainly don’t want her to have to hide things from you.
If she is smoking and chooses to be open about it with you, ensure that if she lights up with you around, there are understood rules. For example, I’ll change my seat if my smoke bothers my non-smoking boyfriend (or if I suspect it might bother someone else). It’s important to make sure her smoking doesn’t directly affect YOUR life. If it isn’t, it’s her business whether she smokes or not…. Period.
Stop being the health or smoking police and treat her like the big grown up girl she is, and leave her alone to make her own decisions.
If you respect her enough to do this, it is less likely that she will resent you later.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): Um can't you just tell from being NEAR her if she's just smoked a cigarette? She'd smell a lot more strongly than if she was standing next to a friend who was smoking. And if you kissed her you could tell for sure!
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (23 September 2009):
 It's not the smoking that I hate. It's the lies. That people think that they can fool you like you are stupid or something.
My husband smokes. Face it, you can't make anyone quit anything. Only she can make herself quit.
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