A
male
age
36-40,
*ino11
writes:I have been together with my girlfriend for about an year now, the problem I have been facing through out our relationship is her past, we started off and after 2 months she told me about some guys that were our common friends that she had one night stands with them and I was totally unaware of that, I showed a little aggressive behavior but then I settled down, after 6 months she added some more guys into the list and I still accepted that. while on the other hand the only girl I got laid with was my ex-girlfriend. since i never believed in one night stands or anything like that.My girlfriend used to live in a 2 room apartment with a guy with seperate rooms but shared kitchen and bathroom, I was really chilled with the fact that she was living there because i trusted her and used to visit her there quite often but I slept there very few times, as she was good friends with the guy she was living with I got friends with him too, we 3 even used to hang out a lot but I didnt really liked the guy because of his views about girls, I had some doubts in my head since she was living with that guy considering her past sex life, I even asked her variuos times but in a very calm way if she ever had something with the guy she is living with and she always denied that she never had anything with him and he is like just a person living in the other room with his own life and at times even called her as her so-called brother. later on she moved out from that place after 8 months since that guy was moving somewhere else. So she decided to get a room closer to my place.just about 2 days ago out of nowhere she just held my hands and asked me to promise that I wont leave her or something like that if she tells me something and I said go ahead. So she started crying and told me that I was right that she did have something with the guy she was living with. But it was before we were together and according to her they were just doing it for fun.After hearing this from her I just couldn't take it and I asked her to leave, and right now there is a part of me that is still unable to accept that it was over the guy who i always had doubts about. And I have some questions in my head that i just cant get any answers for.Why did she lie to me about him if she can tell me about everybody else?How can I trust her for not cheating on me since she has a massive past, and there were occasions where I let her go out to parties and stuff with that guy alone?Even if she had something with him before we were together, How can she still live and chill with that guy while she was going out with me and let me hang out with him, why did she kept me in the dark all the time?please tell me what should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): I'm not saying she's done the right thing here... but firstly, cheating is VERY different to having a 'massive past' as you put it. Secondly, considering you got a bit aggressive over the other guys, she probably thought you would react really badly to hearing about this guy and that you wouldn't want her to keep living with him. She may have just enjoyed living with him as friends and didn't want that to end, as well as not wanting to hurt you. Having said that, she really shouldn't have lied straight to your face about it like that. I think you should ask her why she did that and also think seriously about whether you can trust her again, because without trust you have nothing.
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