A
male
age
36-40,
*eracious
writes:I have been dating this girl for a few months. She is 23 I am 24 She is first real girlfriend Ive had since I was 19 which was a relationship that ended badly. She also has not a boy friend since high school. We love each other, and I dont think I have been happier than I have been in years. After being in college and being single, partying, hook ups, etc im really starting to settle down. Ive known my gf since high school but we didnt really hangout, and we re met each other a year ago. We hung out a couple times as friends at parties and what not, and during the holidays we didnt see each other even though we had mutual friend. Later I found out she had a fling with a mutual friend, not a close one of mine. After break we started haning out as friends until her Bday when we had sex and realized we really like each other. She didnt know I knew about her fling with a mutual friend we had, and I didn care much of it either. We ended up dating and now we love each other. We discussed the fling, and moved pass it, but it still somewhat bothered me. When we discussed her past one time, one more shocking thing came up. While in Las Vegas the previous summer, in which she was supposedly drunk the whole time, she hooked up, basically sex with two guys in the same night. Both supposedly friends and stuff. It was VERY awkward and I paniced and had a hard time talking about it. We moved past it and I we still greatly love each other. Ive had my own hook ups and flings but nothing like that. She supposedly lost her virginty at (21) almost 22 so shes not been having sex for a long time but definetly went through a hook up phase. I am no one to judge, but although we love each other I cant get it outa of my mind. Her being with a mutual friend and Vegas this past year before we started going out is just making me feel weird. I dont what to think cuz I cant judge her by her past...but i worry had i known all this I would have never made her my gf. I used to talk shit on girls liek that ..you know going out with someone who they hooked up (like a friend) I feel so guilty and confused cuz we love each other...but idk if her past TRULY is her past. we hooked up before we even realized about our feelings..I mean do I really want to have a gf that easy..i feel like such a hypocrite cuzI know there are things I have done pretty scandlous, but nothing like what shes done. Its killing me help cuz I think I love her, but cant move past this.
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female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (28 July 2010):
This girl has done nothing wrong, she was single when she did all of this ad I am sure if you had two girls throw theselves at you one night when you were single then you wouldn't turn it down.
she was living her life a little while she is young and you did the same thing. she slept with your mutual friend, do you hold it against your friend?
This is the past and it really shouldnt matter now.
If you didn't want to be with a girl who would sleep with you on the same night then why did you sleep with her in the first place? why didn't you do the gentlemanly thing ad ask her out on a date......simple.....you wanted sex.
she had sex with you because she liked you so does it matter if she got into bed with you after one night?
you really like this girl for who she is and you want to be with her because you like her so why let her past change this? she cant change her past but she can have a great future with you.
you say you slagged girl off for behaving that way in the past but you behaved the exact same way and I am sorry to tell you this but times have changed and girls enjoy sex too.
If a girl made you wait 6 months before having sex with you would you stick aroud or call her frigid and leave? girls cant win with people like you so make the most of what you have with this girl and be happy that the two of you got together in the end.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 You've said it yourself: you're not one to judge. It sounds like you've had a more sexual past than her. You've done some things that you describe as scandalous!
You need to put this in perspective: everyone is entitled to have sex! She's not done anything terrible. And is certainly no worse than you. You're just blowing what she has done out of proportion because now you're seeing her as a partner, not just as a hookup.
Try and see this from her point of view.
Also realise that dwelling on this is not going to do you any good. The more you think about it the worse it will feel. The best thing you can do is try to think about other things. Distract yourself when you find yourself thinking about her past. You can't change it, you can only let it go.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (28 July 2010):
 It's simple: Get over it. What bothers you more? The fact that she had sex the way she did or the fact that you've gotta live with the idea of your mutual friend forever being able to claim that he had sex with your girl?
If you really love her then put your pride aside. Yeah, she had sex with him, but she was drunk. You've got all of her: her body, her mind, her desire, her heart, and most important her LOVE.
Every partner has their sexual pasts.
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