A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have broken up with my girlfriend as a result of her infidelity. Of late she has taken to telling me all about how she used to cheat on me and with whom and how-in some cases with exact dates. The stories are crude, chillin, heartbreaking and traumatising. Instead of making her stop i'm encouraging her to tell me all. When i'm on my own the stories really depress me. But i'd then call her so she could tell me more. Is it safe for me mentally? I mean she tells me things like making love to one of them in a car while i waited in da house! Things like how often she slept with the other guys, where they slept, the sex positions they used, what she used to do in order to dodge me, how often she refused to sleep with me so she could be fresh for some of them.....Whenever i hear this revelations i get stressed! But i'd call and still ask her to tell me more and this will even stress me further especially since i know some of the guys she was sleeping with. What should i do? Is it a safe obsession? Am i disturbed? Am i normal? Is it okay to yearn for something that really stresses u and causes you heartbreak-especially something from the part? And how do i stop it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): It's addictive and compulsive and helplessly sexy, I know, I've been there..look, do what I did and gulp down every last detail, get off on it and get it out of your system...go with it and enjoy the drug. Then move on. You're not psychologically damaging yourself or anything, don't make too much of a big deal of it, just go with it, vividly picture it and get off on it, sometimes that's what you need to do. By the way I would love to hear some more details of her devilish escapades if you want to post them up, I did with my ex and found that expressing myself and getting the stories out there really helped! Have fun buddy!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): It's nice to be able to connect to her and laugh with her again, isn't it? I somehow found my way into a similar situation. Say what you need to say, may it be your true feelings, your anger, whatever. But for your sanity, you must ignore her. Cut off ties with this woman because in the long run it will better for you. She's immature and needs a lot of growing to do.
By you listening to her infidelities and basically okaying her actions, she will only continue to do so; if not to you but to another unlucky fellow.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): You are probably gaining a sense of closure and security from knowing all. You are in an unsafe relationship, and full discosure puts you in control, because you are forcing yourself to understand what happened and come to terms with it. I'm a lot the same way. For me, the "not knowing" is more hurtful that knowing. I don't think it's unhealthy if you find a way to move on from it. But if you drell on it and it hurts you, it is not healthy.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 You're enjoying the self-torture. There's a word for it, I'm sure but I don't recall. It's probably unhealthy in the long run and might affect your ability to have a 'normal' relationship in the future. Please consider counselling.
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